Part 19 (2/2)
”It is a good time to be away, _I_ think,” said Mrs. Sandford.
”I'd keep the news from her, Grant, if I were you. She sits and studies the papers as if her life were in them.”
”There will be no news on board the steamer,” said the doctor.
Yes, I knew that. The very beginning of my journey was to cut me off from tidings. How should I get them in Switzerland? And I must go too without seeing Miss Cardigan. Well, I thought, nothing can take my best Friend from me.
CHAPTER VIII.
DAISY'S POST
Dr. Sandford and I stood together on the deck of the steamer, looking at the lessening sh.o.r.e. I was afraid the doctor should see how I looked, yet I could not turn my eyes from it. I had given up the care of myself; I could bear to see America fading out of my sight; yet it seemed to me as if I left Daisy and her life there, and as if I must be like a wandering spirit from another world till I should come back to those sh.o.r.es again. I would minister to my father and mother, but n.o.body would minister to me. And I thought it was very likely very good for me. Maybe I was in danger of growing selfish and of forgetting my work and all happiness except my own and Thorold's. I could do nothing for either of those now; nothing actively. But I called myself up as soon as that thought pa.s.sed through me. I could always pray; and I could be quiet and trust; and I could be full of faith, hope and love; and anybody with those is not unhappy. And G.o.d is with his people; and he can feed them in a desert. And with that, I went down to my stateroom, to sob my heart out. Not altogether in sorrow, or I think I should not have shed a tear; but with that sense of joy and riches in the midst of trial; the feeling of care that was over my helplessness, and hope that could never die nor be disappointed sin spite of the many hopes that fail.
After that, my voyage was pleasant, as every voyage or journey is when one goes in the Lord's hand and with Him for a companion. I had no news, as the doctor had said, and I laid down all the matter of the war; though I was obliged to hear it talked of very much and in a way that was often extremely hard to bear. The English people on board seemed to think that Americans had no feeling on the subject of their country, or no country to feel about. Certainly they showed no respect for mine; and though Dr. Sandford and one or two other gentlemen could and did answer their words well and cogently, and there was satisfaction in that; yet it was a warfare I did not choose to enter into unless good breeding could be a defence on both sides. They abused Mr. Lincoln; how they abused him!
they have learned better since. They abused republics in general, rejoicing openly in the ruin they affected to see before ours. Yes, the United States of America and their boasted Const.i.tution were a vast bubble - no solidity - rather a collection of bubbles, which would go to pieces by their own contact. Specially the weight of dislike and maligning fell on the Northern portion of the country; sympathy was with the South. These natives of the free British Isles were unmistakably disposed to cheer and help on a nation of oppressors, and wished them success. It was some time before I could understand such an anomaly; at last I saw that the instinct of self-preservation was at work, and I forgave as natural, what I could not admire as n.o.ble.
This element in our little society troubled somewhat my enjoyment of the voyage. I _had_ some patriotic nerves, if I was an American; and every one of them was often tingling with disagreeable irritation. Besides, ill-breeding is of itself always disagreeable enough; and here was ill-breeding in well- bred people, - worst of all. And I had my own private reasons for annoyance. A favourite theme with the company was the want of soldiers or generals at the North, and the impossibility that a set of mechanics and tradesmen, who knew only how to make money and keep it, should be able in chivalrous and gentlemanly exercises to cope with the Southern cavaliers, who were accustomed to sword and pistol and the use of them from their youth up. Bull Run, they said, showed what the consequence must always be, of a conflict between soldiers with the martial spirit and soldiers without it. It would be much better and cheaper for the North to succ.u.mb at once. I had Southern prejudice enough to believe there might be a good deal of truth in this, but I could not bear to hear it or to think it; for besides the question of country and right, the ruin of the North would be disaster to Mr. Thorold and me. I shunned at last all conversation with our English companions, as far as I could, and bent my thoughts forward to the joyful meeting which lay before me with father and mother and brother. Brighter and brighter the prospect grew, as each day brought it nearer; and I sat sometimes by the hour looking over the waters and resting my heart in the hope of that meeting.
”Almost in, Miss Randolph,” said the doctor, coming to my side one of those times.
I brought my eyes from the dancing sea, and answered ”You are glad.”
”Very glad.”
”What route will you take, when we get to land?”
”The shortest.”
”You do not wish to see anything by the way?”
”I can see enough, after I get to them,” I answered.
”You are at a happy time of life!” the doctor said after a pause.
”Are you past it, Dr. Sandford?” I asked, replying, I think, to something in the tones of his voice.
”I do not know. I think, yes. Cologne cathedral will never be to me what it will be to you.”
”What will it be to me?”
”I wish you would tell me, when you see it.”
”Does it lie in our route?” I asked somewhat eagerly.
”It can - if you choose.”
”But I should not want to stop to look at it,” I said; ”and I could not see it without stopping, I suppose.”
”I suppose not. Well, we will push forward as fast as possible. To Lausanne, is it?”
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