Part 24 (2/2)
”Wonderful Countenance s.h.i.+fu,” Yi Kong asked very gently, ”are you all right?”
Dai Nam opened her mouth, but no words came, only the sound of forced air. The red, snakelike scar on her face writhed painfully as if it were freshly gutted.
”It's all right now, and you'll be fine.” Yi Kong pondered for a few moments before she asked, very softly, ”But why?”
Dai Nam repeatedly shook her head while lifting her hand to wave us away, then she closed her eyes.
A nun found a piece of paper on the altar and handed it to Yi Kong. I craned over her shoulder to read.
s.h.i.+fus,At twenty-five, I took my vow to be vegetarian so as not to harm any sentient being nor consume any stimulant to hinder my cultivation. But today I broke the vow I'd kept for twenty years. A lay woman offered me a turnip cake, which I gladly accepted and ate. Later I found out there was garlic, one of the five stimulants, sprinkled in the cake.In my whole life, I have tried very carefully to keep my vows and I am very proud that they have never been broken for twenty long years. Now I am ashamed of myself. My contaminated body should not continue in this life.Your servant in the Dharma,Wonderful Countenance Yi Kong whispered into Dai Nam's ear, ”But, Wonderful Countenance s.h.i.+fu, you didn't know there was garlic in the cake....”
Right then the ambulance arrived. When the two ambulance men tried to take Dai Nam onto the stretcher, she frantically pushed them away. So finally several nuns had to take hold of the stretcher and move her into the ambulance. Then we all followed the van to the hospital. Except for Yi Kong, we were all made to wait outside the emergency room. After a long time, Yi Kong finally came out with a doctor. We all felt relieved when the doctor told us that Dai Nam's life was not in danger. But to make sure that everything would be OK, she would have to stay in the hospital for observation.
The next day, I went early to Kwong Wah Hospital to see Dai Nam. Enlightened to Emptiness was feeding her from a bowl of congee when I entered the medicinal-smelling room.
Dai Nam spotted me instantly; a faint smile came over her face. I put down the fruit basket I'd brought her on the bedside chest and said very softly, as if she were now my child, ”s.h.i.+fu, I've brought you some grapes and juice.”
She nodded. Enlightened to Emptiness put down the bowl and came to whisper into my ear, ”Miss Du, the doctor says due to s.h.i.+fu's throat constriction, she shouldn't talk for a while.”
The young nun went back to feeding her. When finished, she helped Dai Nam lie down on the bed. None of us said anything until Dai Nam closed her eyes and fell asleep.
Enlightened to Emptiness lowered her voice. ”Miss Du, you've missed Yi Kong s.h.i.+fu. She and the others have just left.”
Just when I was about to inquire about Dai Nam's condition, the doctor came in. He examined Dai Nam's neck, listened to her breathe, then read and signed the chart. When we followed him outside the room, he said, ”The patient has hemorrhage and edema of the larynx, so she shouldn't talk or eat anything solid for a while.” He paused to adjust his gla.s.ses. ”Besides, she's still emotionally unstable, so watch out for her and avoid saying anything she has to answer.”
After the doctor had left, I asked the young nun, ”Is s.h.i.+fu still upset over eating that cake?”
”I suppose so.”
After a pause, I said, ”I'm sure you must be very tired looking after s.h.i.+fu, so why don't you go outside to get some fresh air, food, and take a rest? I'll stay with her.”
”You're so nice, Miss Du. Thank you.” The young nun smiled and turned to walk out. I watched until her back disappeared down the stairs before I went back to Dai Nam's room. The real reason I had told the young novice I would take her place was that I wanted to share some tranquil time alone with my friend.
But Dai Nam remained deeply asleep and so, when Enlightened to Emptiness returned, I left the hospital and took a bus to Golden Lotus Temple. I wanted to continue my unfinished discussion of the Golden Body with Yi Kong.
Yi Kong had just finished lunch and was looking at some pictures.
”Have some tea, Meng Ning,” she said after I'd sat down opposite her.
I took the cup she offered, then told her about my visit to Dai Nam. Yi Kong told me not to worry, for the doctor had a.s.sured her that Dai Nam would be fine.
After that, Yi Kong continued to scrutinize the pictures for a few moments before she handed them to me. ”These are photographs of the Buddhist stone statues and cliff sculptures I took in Sichuan a few years ago.”
I carefully studied the numerous Buddhas, Guan Yins, wrathful warriors, Buddhist attendants. ”They're beautiful. And very powerful, too. Even now I'm only looking at the pictures, but I can feel their qi qi emanating.” emanating.”
Yi Kong nodded while she quietly sipped her tea. ”It's a shame that I don't have time to go back to take more pictures and do more doc.u.mentation. You see”-she handed me another one with a Buddha whose face was completely weathered away-”if we don't do anything, in the future not only the face, but the whole Buddha will be gone.” She shook her head. ”What a shame.”
”But there must be other people who are saving all these?” I asked.
”Of course.” She stared at me intently. ”But they are either scholars whose perspective is purely academic, or Buddhists whose perspective is purely religious. It's hard to have someone who possesses a balance of the two.” I'd be a fool to miss her hidden meaning. It was me, only me, that she wanted to undertake this project for her temple.
I didn't reply. I stared at the jade green tea and thought of something else.
Then her resonant voice rose again. ”Is there something on your mind?”
”Hmmm-” I looked up and met her all-knowing eyes.
”Meng Ning, you don't look well. I can tell that something is bothering you, even the other day. If you need help, I'm here.”
I said, lowering my gaze to avoid hers, ”Yi Kong s.h.i.+fu, I'm...very confused.”
”It is natural to feel confused being alive in this illusory world.”
After some silence, she cast me another meaningful, yet softer, look. ”I suggest you stay here for a while-do some serious meditation to clear your mind.”
I was surprised to hear this. ”You mean-”
”You can come here and live with the nuns for a few days. The temple might help to settle your perplexity.” She paused. ”And of course if you don't like it, you can go home anytime. There's no commitment.”
Seeing that I didn't respond, she smiled. ”Think about it, Meng Ning. It'll only do you good. Moreover, during meditation, you'll be under my supervision.”
To my surprise, considering that I'd never liked meditation, this time I instantly agreed. ”Yi Kong s.h.i.+fu, thank you for arranging this for me.”
”Don't be polite.”
28.
The Private Retreat Michael had already called several times to ask about me, and each time before we hung up, reminded me to start preparing for our wedding. Yesterday I told him not to call for a while because I had to live in the nunnery for a few days to help Yi Kong with her museum project and to meditate. He showed disappointment but understanding. ”I'll miss your voice, Meng Ning. Please call me if you have a minute.”
I told Mother I was going to live for five days in Golden Lotus Temple to help with a big event to get donations for the poor. Had I told her the truth, that I was going to a retreat and would live like a nun for a few days, she'd have thrown herself into a state of panic, thrusting her pudgy finger at my nose and yelling, ”Then you'll shave your head and put on a loose robe and renounce the world. After that, desert your mother and leave her to die in loneliness and grandchildlessness!”
The next day I packed some simple clothes and daily necessities, then headed straight for Golden Lotus Temple.
Yi Kong put me in a small room by myself, close to the hall where the nuns slept. She told me that the main purpose of this private retreat, besides meditation, was to live with the nuns and to learn from them-their compa.s.sionate deeds, their rituals, chanting, and, of course, the Four Great Impressive Ways of walking, living, sitting, lying.
Only the first day here, I'd already felt a tinge of regret. So many rules to follow and so many rituals to learn! I wondered how Yi Kong and the other nuns could look so peaceful and detached all the time.
My first a.s.signment, to my great disappointment, was to help out in the Xiangji Chu, Xiangji Chu, the Fragrance Acc.u.mulating Kitchen, to prepare vegetarian dishes-tofu, tarot, yam, bok choi, fungus, gluten, seaweed, anything tasteless that you could name. Chopping up carrots, celery, mushrooms, and taro into fine pieces was very slow work for me. Enviously, I watched experienced nuns arrange the food on the dish to look like a painting-smoked tofu piled up to represent mountains, chopped mushrooms, rocks, and noodles, rivers. Or a visual the Fragrance Acc.u.mulating Kitchen, to prepare vegetarian dishes-tofu, tarot, yam, bok choi, fungus, gluten, seaweed, anything tasteless that you could name. Chopping up carrots, celery, mushrooms, and taro into fine pieces was very slow work for me. Enviously, I watched experienced nuns arrange the food on the dish to look like a painting-smoked tofu piled up to represent mountains, chopped mushrooms, rocks, and noodles, rivers. Or a visual koan, koan, riddle-rice b.a.l.l.s with swirls inside, symbolizing endless transmigration. riddle-rice b.a.l.l.s with swirls inside, symbolizing endless transmigration.
Before the meal, I had to wash rice. One time a senior nun made me rinse and rerinse the rice for more times than I wanted to remember-until the washed-away sand equalled that on the banks of the Ganges River!
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