Part 14 (1/2)
”Now, that is a regular woman's idee,” says he, goin' into the bedroom for a clean s.h.i.+rt. And as he opened the bureau-draw, he says,-
”Another thing I shall go for, is abolis.h.i.+n' lots of the bureaus. Why, what is the use of any man havin' more than one bureau? It is nothin' but nonsense clutterin' up the house with so many bureaus.
”When wimmen get to votin',” says he sarcastickly, ”I'll bet their first move will be to get 'em back agin. I'll bet there hain't a women in the land, but what would love to have 20 bureaus that they could run to.”
”Then, you think wimmen will vote, do you, Josiah Allen?”
”I think,” says he firmly, ”that it will be a wretched day for the nation if she does. Wimmen is good in their places,” says he, as he come to me to b.u.t.ton up his s.h.i.+rtsleeves, and tie his cravat.
”They are good in their places. But they can't have, it hain't in 'em to have, the calm grasp of mind, the deep outlook into the future, that men have. They can't weigh things in the firm, careful balences of right and wrong, and have that deep, masterly knowledge of national affairs that we men have. They hain't got the hard horse sense that anybody has got to have in order to make money out of the nation. They would have some sentimental subjects up of right or wrong to spend their energies and their hearts on. Look at Cicely, now. She means well. But what would she do? What would she make out of votin'? Not a cent. And she never would think of pa.s.sin' laws for her own personal comfort, either. Now, there is the subsidy bill. I'll see that through if I sweat for it.
”Why, it would be worth more than a dollar-bill to me lots of times to make folks subside. Preachers, now, when they get to goin' beyond the 20ethly. No preacher has any right to go to wanderin' round up beyond them figures in dog-days. And if they could be made to subside when they had gone fur enough, why, it would be a perfect boon to Jonesville and the nation.
”And sewin'-machine agents-and-and wimmen, when they get all excited a scoldin', or talkin' about bonnets, and things. Why! if a man could jest lift up his hand, and say 'Subside!' and then see 'em subside-why, I had ruther see it than a circus any day.”
[Ill.u.s.tration: A WOMAN'S PLACE.]
I looked at him keenly, and says I,-
”I wish such a bill had even now pa.s.sed; that is, if wimmen could receive any benefit from it.”
”Wall, you'll see it after I get to Was.h.i.+ngton, D.C., most probable. I calculate to jest straighten out things there, and get public affairs in a good runnin' order. The nation needs me.”
”Wall,” says I, wore out, ”it can have you, as fur as I am concerned.”
And I wus so completely f.a.gged out, that I turned the subject completely round (as I s'posed) by askin' him if he laid out to sell our apples this year where he did last. The man's wife had wrote to me ahead, and wanted to know, for they had bought a new dryin'-machine, and wanted to make sure of apples ahead.
”Wall,” says Josiah, drawin' on his overshoes, ”I shall probable have to use the apples this fall to buy votes with.”
”To buy votes?” says I, in accents of horrow.
”Yes. I wouldn't tell it out of the family. But you are all in the family, you know, and so I'll tell you. I sha'n't have to buy near so many votes on account of my plan; but I shall have to buy some, of course. You know, they all do; and I sha'n't stand no chance at all if I don't.”
My groans was fearful that I groaned at this; but truly, worse was to come. He looked kinder pitiful at me (he loves me). But yet his love did not soften the firm resolve that wus spread thick over his linement as he went on,-
”I lay out to get lots of votes with my green apples,” says he dreamily. ”It seems as if I ought to get a vote for a bushel of apples; but there is so much iniquity and cheatin' a goin' on now in politics, that I may have to give a bushel and a half, or two bushels: and then, I shall make up a lot of the smaller ones into hard cider, and use 'em to-to advance the interests of myself and the nation in that way.
”There is hull loads of folks uncle Nate says he can bring to vote for me, by the judicious use of-wall, it hain't likely you will approve of it; but I say, stimulants are necessary in medicine, and any doctor will tell you so-hard cider and beer and whiskey, and so 4th.”
[Ill.u.s.tration: OUR LAW-MAKERS.]
I riz right up, and grasped holt of his arm, and says in stern, avengin' tones,-
”Josiah Allen, will you go right against G.o.d's commands, and put the cup to your neighbor's lips, for your own gain? Do you expect, if you do, that you can escape Heaven's avengin' wrath?”
”They hain't my neighbors: I never neighbored with 'em.”
Says I sternly, ”If you commit this sin, you will be held accountable; and it seems to me as if you can never be forgiven.”
”Dumb it all, Samantha, if everybody else does so, where will I get my votes?”