Chapter 33 (1/2)
He looked ephemeral, so much so that it seemed dangerous to touch him.
His back was to me. But even then, it gave me the impression of a transparent fragility.
Do I — call out to him?
I swallowed hard.
It seemed to me like he was a house built on sand, that he would collapse with a single push.
In that atmosphere, my chest tightened painfully for reasons I didn’t understand. An indescribable oppression seized my heart.
Just how much of himself did he intend to show me?
When I thought of him, I could picture him with his usual gentle smile. That was how he was normally. On the other hand, I’d fallen into the delusion that this captured all that he was, to the point that I couldn’t imagine him any other way.
That was impossible.
Obviously. He was a living person, his own person.
The world wasn’t so kind that someone, whoever they were, wherever they stood, could smile all the time.
Sometimes, it was supposed to be cruel, sorrowful, painful.
Even though it would drive them to tears, or make them want to rant and rave.
But while all that was true —
Even so, that look didn’t suit him. Maybe that was arrogant of me. Maybe I wanted to think that way.
But to be honest, because he was Leon, I didn’t want him to bear feelings that would bring him to his knees like this.
By the time I noticed, I’d walked close enough to Leon that I could touch him if I reached out my hand.
‘I want to do something.’ That thought grew stronger inside me.
But I didn’t know what I should do.
I should call out to him. But at the same time, I didn’t think I should.
In that case, what could I do?
What could I do for him?
Nervously, I reached my hands out to his back. When they were about to make contact, I hesitated.
What am I trying to do here? Staring at my hands, I opened and closed them several times as my mind wandered aimlessly.
What was wrong with Leon that night?
What was wrong with this similarly unusual Leon?
When I remembered, I bit my lower lip, fighting something back. Then, I hugged Leon from behind.
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” — !”
Leon’s surprised trembling was transmitted to me through my hands, my face pressed into his back, my body.
He really didn’t notice me? Dumba.s.s. Inside, I deliberately insulted him.
“—-! Don’t — don’t move — !”
While I did my best not to think about anything, I squeezed my eyes shut. My voice was low and curt.
That alone was enough for Leon to realize it was me. I felt the tension draining from his body.
Then, his hands gently touched the ones I had around him.
Tormented by the sound of my heartbeat going wild, my breath caught at the sensation. Completely contrary to my wishes, I could feel the blood rus.h.i.+ng to my face, heating it up.
Why, I don’t want to know.
If I do this, you’ll be happy, right?
If I do this, you’ll calm down, right?
Those were the only thoughts in my head as I tightened my hold a bit.
“…What — were you doing?”
Trying to stave off the hammering in my constricted chest and the flush on my face, I somehow strung together a coherent sentence before he could say anything.
“……Ah, well.”
“Don’t look this way, moron!”
When I sensed Leon turning his head after a pause, I flew into a panic. Immediately, mercilessly — I stopped him with words that left no room for argument.
For now, I didn’t want Leon to move. I didn’t want him to do anything. I was at my absolute limit.
Perhaps sensing that, Leon let out just a small sigh of amus.e.m.e.nt, and turning back to the tree again, he began to speak.
“I was remembering the old days.”
The tree he was looking up at was an an elm.
I knew what he meant. He was definitely remembering [me].
The present and the dream meshed together.
I’d suspected it for quite some time, but now I was sure of it.
That is, Big Brother, the boy that [I] liked so much — was Leon.
“There was this one elm tree that [Chris] was fond of. She often climbed up and made trouble for me. This isn’t the one from the past, but when I see a similar tree, it unconsciously comes back to me. ”
“…It wasn’t the tree that [Chris] liked. It was just the view from the top of it.”
” — !”
Leon’s words got me thinking.
He didn’t know. That was unexpected.
So, there were things even Leon didn’t know. I felt a bit pleased. With a slight desire for revenge, I started to tell him.
“No matter how many times [I] invited you, you wouldn’t come up. It’s kinda surprising, but are you bad with heights?”
I could tell that the hands resting on mine were slowly but steadily growing warmer. Pressed against his back, I had the feeling that I heard his heartbeat speeding up, just a little.
“Even though [I] wanted to see the view from the top of the tree with you.”
Unable to hold it in, I chuckled.
Alright, even I had to admit that for revenge, this was a bit mean. Still, I couldn’t help but enjoy seeing Leon in such obvious turmoil.
“…Is — Is that so?”
In the midst of his agitation, Leon finally managed to get a few words out. I could sense the small tremor in his hands. Just as I thought his state had changed a little, something slipped past his fingers and pattered onto my hands.
“Ah…”
Before I could figure out what it was, Leon gripped my hands tightly and continued.
“I have a question to ask you… Did you meet her?”
“Mm, you could say that. I saw her in my dreams a couple times. You too.”
“…You’re more of a bully than I thought, too.” 1
“I guess that makes us even, huh?”
His face still looking the other way, his voice escaped in what could be interpreted as a snicker or a wry laugh. Drawn in, I smiled too.
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