Part 37 (1/2)

written upon them (see Chapter III.).

Until this intimation has been given, society does not venture to intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning.

Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule.

=Funerals.=--When a death occurs in a family, as soon as the day and hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the family should write to those relatives and friends it is desired should follow, and should ask them to attend, unless the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the train by which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the newspaper, together with the announcement of the death.

=It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends= will offer to attend a funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the family only, or whether friends are to be included also.

=In the Country, when a Doctor= has attended a family for some years, it is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of the family.

In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service, but in town, when the funeral takes place at Kensal Green, Brookwood Cemetery, or elsewhere, a friend of the family is usually asked to officiate; in which case it is necessary to make an early application at the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular hour.

=It is customary for Ladies to attend= the funeral of a relative if disposed to do so, in which case they wear their usual mourning attire, and follow in their own carriages.

=The Doctor's Certificate= as to the cause of death is of primary importance, and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment.

=Memorial Cards should not be sent= on the death of a relative, being quite out of date as regards fas.h.i.+on and custom.

=Wreaths and Crosses= of white flowers are very generally sent by relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral, unless ”No flowers, by request” follows the announcement of the death.

When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the friends should be invited to luncheon. When it takes place in the afternoon, they should be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment.

CHAPTER XLIII

ENGAGED

It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the strictest ideas on this head, and strenuously put them in force.

By ”strict ideas” is meant that an engaged couple, except in the presence of a chaperon, are never, under any circ.u.mstances, permitted to enjoy a _tete-a-tete_, sit together, walk together, ride together, or meet during any part of the day.

Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the consideration of parents, neither granting too much nor withholding too much.

=The length of an engagement= determines in most instances the degree of lat.i.tude allowed. If it is to last two months, or even less, it is usual to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The circ.u.mstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of their possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged to his daughter on a visit, or one or two visits, during the engagement.

Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight.

Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her near relatives at all public places of amus.e.m.e.nt.

If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the houses of mutual friends; they are sent in to dinner together when dining out.

To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they should run the gauntlet of general criticism.