Part 4 (2/2)
When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have not spoken to each other, they should not bow.
When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow, unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other.
When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him.
When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving.
In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, ”My motor-car, please!”
When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.
When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of herself and guest.
If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman, and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her.
When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually appreciated each other.
In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the neighbourhood, who are unknown to her hostess; if otherwise, the hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them together when the call is made.
When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them, according to the rank of either (see Chapter II.).
When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany her mother.
Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter, or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional circ.u.mstances; but in the country a family party of three or four would, as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette to do so.
A considerable difference exists with regard to ”Sunday calls,” or calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays; it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen--more especially gentlemen--extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on Sundays.
When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling (see Chapter III.).
In all cases, when ”morning calls” are made, and the lady called on is not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described in Chapter II., an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the lady called on is ”at home,” cards should be left for the gentlemen of the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be too punctiliously followed.
A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be ”at home” to visitors or not during the afternoon.
”Not at home” is the understood formula expressive of not wis.h.i.+ng to see visitors.
”Not at home” is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors; and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula of ”Not at home” is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a servant is able to give a direct answer at once of ”Not at home” when the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while ”He will see if his mistress is 'at home,'” perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory answer that she is ”Not at home”; in which case the intimation is almost received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of visitors.
If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to leave cards.
When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say that his mistress is ”engaged with a lady,” or ”with a gentleman,” but should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress, as ignorant servants are too apt to do.
It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To offer coffee is a foreign fas.h.i.+on, and not an English one.
”Morning” callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea, or afternoon ”at home,” etc. (See chapter on ”Afternoon 'At Homes,'” p. 151.)
The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at 4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-b.u.t.ter should be placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her daughter should pour out the tea.
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