Part 4 (1/2)

If the visitor calling bears the t.i.tle of ”Honourable” it should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor.

All t.i.tles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them, thus: ”The Duke and d.u.c.h.ess of A----,” ”The Marquis and Marchioness of B----,” ”The Earl and Countess of C----,” ”Viscount and Viscountess D----,” ”Lord and Lady E----,” etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would style herself ”Lady A----” only.

A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at home.

A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, ”Mr. A----,” or ”Mrs. A----.”

When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance.

Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances, and should not enter into conversation with them.

Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fas.h.i.+on in a degree, and take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal calls.

The newer fas.h.i.+on amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea is going on; besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of them.

At ”at homes,” small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests.

A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the drawing-room, but leave it in the hall.

When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off.

When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is announced--and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons when she intends being ”at home” should visitors call--she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to ”take a seat,” but she might say, ”Where will you sit?” or, ”Will you sit here?”

or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible.

Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a _tete-a-tete_, and a _tete-a-tete_ between two persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and _savoir vivre_ to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy woman is without repose, without dignity, and without _savoir vivre_.

A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of alb.u.ms, photographs, books, ill.u.s.trated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays.

If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation should turn on light topics of the hour.[2]

People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above advent.i.tious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of conversation to make the short quarter of an hour--which is the limit of a ceremonious call--pa.s.s pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors; they are not supposed to require them.

In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea.

Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four; but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally offer her visitor tea.

When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, ”tea” is placed on a small table--a silver tray being generally used for the purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the question.

When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor, if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so.

A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is announced; this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at once seat him or herself near to the hostess.

She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in ”The Art of Conversing”). The hostess should not take this latter course unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each other.

When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments, whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the lady is held by host and hostess.

When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her to the drawing-room door.

One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.