Part 28 (1/2)
”Listen.” Steve took each of their hands. ”The deed is done, no sense crying about it. My folks are throwing a party for me Sat.u.r.day night. I want my two best friends there. Okay?”
”Sure, we'll be honored to be there, won't we, Sue?” Jimmy had sat up and put his arm around Susan.
”Of course,” Susan agreed. ”I wouldn't miss it for the world.”
Her mother appeared in the doorway as Susan was getting ready to go to Steve's party. ”Can I come in?”
Susan nodded as she brushed her straight black hair hanging down to the middle of her back. She hoped her mother's interruption wouldn't make her late to the party.
”Going somewhere special?” Mary sat down on the bed and watched her.
”One of my friends volunteered for Vietnam. His folks are throwing a party for him.”
”That's nice.” Her mother crossed her legs and cupped her hands around her knee.
”He could die over there.” Susan put her brush down on her vanity top and picked up a bottle of cologne. Chanel No. 5, a gift from Jimmy. Susan felt funny taking gifts from Jimmy he couldn't really afford, but he always insisted. He was like her father who constantly bought her mother presents.
”Your father's worried.”
Susan turned. ”About what?”
”About your haole friends.”
Susan turned back to the mirror. ”I don't know why he hates haoles.”
”You don't know what it was like in the plantations,” Mary uncrossed her legs, ”or during the war.”
”Dad didn't even go to war. Even so, Dad reminds me of Uncle George's war experiences constantly.” Susan frowned. ”That was then, this is now.”
”It's not as simple as that.”
”Why can't he see times have changed? Look at you. You don't hate haoles.” Susan heard her mother's sharp intake as she foraged in her closet for sandals.
Mary's voice hesitated. ”Well, I don't talk about it all the time like your father.”
”Don't tell me you hate haoles too?” Susan turned and stared at her.
Mary looked down at her hands. ”I don't hate them, but I would like my children to marry their own kind.”
”I never expected you, of all people, to talk like that. What about Jackie's father?”
”I was never married to Jackie's father.”
Susan stared at her open-mouthed. ”Does Jackie know?”
”Yes. It was hard to tell her.”
They avoided each other's eyes for a few minutes while Susan put her wallet, keys, and make-up in her bag.
”Mom?”
Her mother suddenly looked so small and defeated. Knowing it must have been difficult for her to admit what she had just said, Susan knelt in front of Mary and hugged her. ”It's hard to believe.” Susan could feel the tension go out of her body as her shoulders slumped in relief.
Mary leaned back and took Susan's hands in her own. ”That your mother is human and has made mistakes?”
”I guess it's hard to live up to your child's expectations.” Susan stood.
”Yes, it is.” Mary rose from the bed.
Susan looked her in the eye. ”Did Jackie's father break your heart?”
Mary put her hands on Susan's shoulders. ”No, he didn't break my heart. We both knew what we were doing. And, I don't hate haoles. I just think our worlds are too far apart.” She kissed Susan on the cheek. ”Remember, I worked for them.”
”That was a long time ago. Your generation lives too much in the past.”
”Actually, we try very hard to forget the past. The memories are difficult. And every day little things happen to remind us nothing much has changed.”
Susan always thought of her as just her mother. She had always been there for them with an uncritical ear and boundless love. She never forced her opinions on them, although she made suggestions. But, a part of her mother was shrouded in secrecy. Susan never once thought of who the beautiful young girl she had seen in yellowed, torn pictures really was.
”Dad doesn't think that way,” Susan said. ”Dad just hates.
”Your father doesn't know how to articulate what he feels.” Her mother sighed. ”It's an Oriental thing.”
”I don't know how the two of you ever fell in love and got married. You're so different. He's prejudiced and stubborn.”
”When I first met your father, he was the one of the few people who showed Jackie and me kindness. I was kamikaze.” Mary looked away as if she were looking into the past. ”Your father made me laugh. Don't blame him too much for what has happened since.”
Susan s.h.i.+fted her feet. She loved her father, but she could never, ever understand why her mother put up with his gambling, drinking, and lack of ambition. As far back as she could remember her mother had been the princ.i.p.al breadwinner, slaving in the restaurant, only to see her father gamble the money away.
”I have to go. Is that what you wanted to talk to me about? Jimmy and Steve?”
”Your dad thinks one of them is your boyfriend.”
”Well, he's right.” Susan folded her arms. ”Are you going to tell him?”
”If you want him to know, you should tell him.”
”No. He'll go crazy.”
”What do you plan to do? Continue sneaking around?” Mary cupped Susan's chin in her hand and tried to make her look into her eyes.
”The eyes are the windows of a person's soul,” her mother often said, ”if you want to know the truth about someone, look in their eyes.”
So Susan looked her straight in the eye. ”Yes.”
”I'm sure he already knows the truth,” Mary dropped her hand to her side. ”I think he's just afraid of admitting it to himself.”
”Sure, because then he would have to disown me like he promised he would a million times.”
”Out of curiosity, which one is it?” her mother asked.