Part 18 (1/2)
I nodded.
”I saw how happy you were in New York,” he said, ”and I want you to be happy. I really do want that for you. If you think you'd be happier there than here with me, I understand. As long as you leave knowing how I feel, that's enough for me.”
He was giving me a way out. He was telling me it was okay for me to go back to bed and pretend this never happened. But it wasn't okay with me. I couldn't do that to him. I cared too much to walk away and let him think I didn't love him back.
But asking me to choose between him and New York wasn't fair. That was like choosing between chocolate cake and apple pie. I could pick one tonight if I could have the other tomorrow, but to let one go permanently? How could I? And what if I picked the wrong one, and by the time I realized my mistake, it was too late to change my mind? Ugh, why couldn't we just keep on pretending?
”Jake,” I said quietly. ”I ...”
”You don't have to say anything,” he repeated.
”I think you're kind of amazing, too,” I blurted out. ”Not even kind of. You're all the way amazing. But I ... it's just ...”
”I know, baby.” He put his arms around my neck and pulled me into a choke-hold kind of hug. He rested his chin on the top of my head, and I wrapped my arms tightly around him. The soft worn-out cotton of his t-s.h.i.+rt felt comforting on my cheek as I pressed it into his chest. His familiar smell put my mind at ease, if only for a moment. I clenched my fingers into a fist around his s.h.i.+rt like I was holding on for my life.
”I know,” he said again and I felt his breath on my neck. ”But it's really not that serious. Just relax. I can take it from here.”
”Are you going to take it all the way to New York?” It was the first time the idea had occurred to me. If Jake came to New York, I could have my cake and my pie. If he loved me enough to come with me, I would owe it to him to give him a chance. I would feel a lot safer putting my heart on the line like that if he I knew for sure he loved me that much. It was easy to love someone who was right in front of you. But to move to another state, you've really got to mean it.
I didn't have to wonder for very long. He pulled apart from our hug and held me at arm's length.
”I wish I could. But my business is here. It's taken me ten years to get this far. I can't just throw it all away and start from scratch, Rox.”
That was all I needed to hear. He loved me ... just not enough. And that was okay. At least he was honest.
”How about we compromise?” he asked.
I crossed my arms in front of me. ”How would that work?”
”You'll go to New York,” he said. ”I'll stay here. Maybe one day you'll miss me enough to come back. Or maybe half of my clientele will move to New York, too, and I can follow them.”
”Or maybe you'll find someone else.”
He smiled. ”My entire clientele moving to New York is more likely.”
You know the way the vampires' faces sparkle in the Twilight movies? I felt like my heart was sparkling the same way.
”How long until you go?” he asked.
I shrugged. ”I'm not sure. Two or three weeks. Could be less.”
”So how about for the next few weeks we stop pretending?”
”We take it day by day?”
”I was thinking more like lay-by-lay, but I guess either term is acceptable.”
”I can do that,” I said.
”That means you're mine until you leave, right?”
”Yes,” I said with certainty. ”I'm yours. And that possessiveness is getting me hot, so hurry up and stake your claim on me.”
I'll remember the way he kissed me then for the whole rest of my life.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN.
Honesty really was the magic answer. The Summer of Jake and Roxie: Part Two was a spectacular, 5-star, A+, top-of-the-box-office hit. There was the kind of romance that created b.u.t.terflies in my belly, laugh-out-loud comedy, edge-of-my-seat excitement, p.o.r.n star quality s.e.x scenes and a great soundtrack, as well. We both knew this romance had an expiration date, but we didn't talk about it. We were too obliviously happy to think about anything except when we could touch each other again.
It was nearing the end of August when I got The Phone Call. Jake and I were entwined on the couch watching a Tigers game and trying to throw popcorn into each other's mouths when Hope called.
”Listen,” she said.
”Listening.”
”J.D.'s cousin's boyfriend finally asked her to move in with him.”
I sat up straighter. This was intriguing. That kind of scenario could mean a hand-me-down apartment, and those were the best kind to get.
”Listening more closely.”
”The Village. Rent-stabilized. One block from subway.”
This was good. This was very good. The most important thing about any Manhattan apartment was its proximity to the subway. The Village was an excellent neighborhood, too. Rent-stabilization was just a cherry on top.
”How long do I have?”
”Ten minutes?”
”s.h.i.+t.”
”Tomorrow morning.”
”Okay. I'll call you.”
I hung up the phone and saw that Jake was giving me a suspicious look.
”That was a vague conversation,” he pointed out.
”Yeah.”
”And a vague response.”
”Yeah.”
He sat up straight, which caused me to fall off of him and onto the other end of the couch.