Volume III Part 28 (1/2)
”Quick!” said I, ”light us a fire, and bring sone”
”Would you like an omelette?”
”Very well”
”Oh, I should like an o, and her laughing air seemed to pro fire and ave ly I had almost hat I wanted when she askedit would please her, feeling sure that she only delayed my victory to make it ne I saw love, kindness, trust, and gratitude shi+ning in her face, and I should have been sorry for her to think that I clai but her love
At last we got to our last glass of chaentle force I laid her on a couch and held her a herself up to my embraces she resisted them, at first by those prayers which usually , then by serious remonstrances, and at last by force This was tooviolence has always shocked me, and I am still of opinion that the only pleasure in the areement I pleaded my cause in every way, I painted myself as the lover flattered, deceived, despised! At last I told her that I had had a cruel awakening, and I saw that the shaft went hoive me ”Alas!” said she, in a voice full of sadness, ”I areater cause for grief than you”
The tears flowed fast down her cheeks, her head rested on my shoulder, and our lipsthe attack never came into my head, and if it had I should have scornfully rejected it After a long silence, of which we both stood in need, she to conquer her shaer, we put on our masks and returned to the opera On our way she dared to tell ed to decline my friendshi+p if she had to pay for it so dearly
”The emotions of love,” I replied, ”should yield to those of honour, and your honour as well as mine require us to continue friends What I would have done for love I will now do for devoted friendshi+p, and for the future I will die rather than ht you deemed me worthy”
We separated at the opera, and the vast crowd ht of her in an instant Next day she told ht
She possibly hoped to find in that exercise the cure which no ive her
I returned toin vain to justify a refusal which seeood sense shewed rievously insulted I recollected the witty saying of Populia, as never unfaithful to her husband except when she ith child; ”Non tollo vectorem,” said she, ”nisi navi plena”
I felt certain that I was not loved, and the thought grieved me; and I considered that it would be unworthy of er hope to possess I resolved to avengethat I could not allow ht wisdo my enerously by the unfortunate girl Without my aid she would be ruined; my course, then, would be to continue my services and to shew myself indifferent to her favours The part was no easy one, but I played it right well, and at last my reward came of itself
CHAPTER VII
I Continue My Relations With Mdlle X C V--Vain Attempts to Procure Abortion--The Aroph--She Flies Froe in a Convent
The difficulties I encountered only served to increase lishwo, and as enuine, she could have no suspicion that I was acting a part, or attribute s For her part she seeh her satisfaction may very probably have been assuh she did not lovein the midst of an unimportant and disconnected conversation, she co , with a smile, thatthat I had cured myself so well in the course of a week I quietly replied that I owed my cure not to the weakness of my passion but to my self-respect
”I know my own character,” I said, ”and without undue presumption, I think I may say that I a nant Do you knohat effect such feelings have on the heart?”
”Alas!” said she, ”I know too well Their effect is to inspire one with conte too far, at least in nation was merely succeeded by a renewed confidence in ed”
”To be revenged! In ay?”
”I wish to co to you that I am lord of myself, and can pass by with indifference what I once so ardently desired I do not knohether I have succeeded yet, but I may say that I can now conte to possess the a mistake, for I never ceased to esteeo as I do to-day Nor for aive way to your transports, and I ahtly”
We went on to speak of the opiate I e in her condition she wanted rant, as I knew that ht kill her I also forbade her to bleed herself again, as sheby it Her ed to make a confidante, had had her bled by a student, her lover I told Mdlle X C V that if she wanted these people to keep her counsel she must be liberal with them, and she replied that she had no money I offered herme that she would repay me that sum which she needed for her brother Richard I had not as much money about me, but I sent her the same day a packet of twelve hundred francs with a note in which I begged her to have recourse to ot the ht himself authorized to apply to me for aid in aot into a house of ill-faht He complained bitterly that M Farsetti had refused to lend him four louis, and he asked ht pay for his cure I consented, but when his mother heard as the matter with him, she said it would be much better to leave him as he was, as this was the third time he had been in this condition, and that to have him cured was a waste of an his dissipated life afresh She was quite right, for I had hieon, and he was in the sa man seee of fourteen he was an accoate