Part 6 (1/2)

Missis Rody Shatuck Exeter New Hamps.h.i.+re dear Missis Shatuck. I am verry sorry for hollering to Beany at the picknic last weak about your skinny legs. i woodent have did it if i had been well, but i had been poizened by poizen ivory leeves and the minister had cheeted me out of my fifty cents and everybody had jawed me becaus i cougt a eal and so i done it. if you had a hair lip or a squint ey or a wenn on your neck like old Nat Mason it woodent be so bad but it is a dredful thing to have such skinny legs as you have got and i am verry sorry for you becaus i have got skinny legs myself and the fellers have made fun of me ever since i can remember and it is awful to be made fun of all the time. if i was a girl i cood cover them up with my skert and n.o.body wood know they was skinny unless i fell down or the wind blew two hard or i pulled up my skert like you done at the picknic.

so if i was you i wood be very cairful not to pick up your skert like you done at the picknic and n.o.body will know how skinny your legs is. sumtimes i wish fellers wore skerts but i gess i would ruther have skinny legs. so pleese to forgive me for what i done.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

this is the leter i rote to the minister.

the referent minister of the ferst Congrigasionel Chirch dear sir. i thougt i wood wright you and tell you how sorry i am that i sed the sa.s.sy things to you whitch i sed at the picknic last weak. i am also verry sorry indeed that i douted your word when you sed you wood give me the fifty cents. if you had been ennything but a minister i wood not have thougt you wood cheet me but i have heard my father say that ministers has so many things give to them and has so many old mades and fulish wimmen after them that they aint mutch to blaim if they forgets sumthings whitch they hadent augt to forget. you see i dident know you verry well and i thought you mite be one of them kind of ministers but i found out that you wasent when you paid me the fifty cents and done as you agreed when you promised not to grab me and lam time out of me. i was reddy for you and if you had grabed that boat i wood probly have rew so hard that you wood have been puled into the water all over. i am glad you done as you agreed and paid me. you were prety lait in doing it and i was not to blaim for thinking you wood not keep your agreement, espesially as the wimmen all told you not to pay me a cent.

so i am verry sorry for what i sed and i think you done prety well for a congirigasional minister and i hoap you will forgive me even if i am a unitarial and done beleeve in hel as you do.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

i bet when old mister minister gets that leter he will wish i had staid in his chirch. but it is two lait now. i bet they will all be sorry i left the chirch.

it aint many fellers whitch are willing to oan up that they are rong as i have done in these leters.

my granmother usted to say that a soft answer tirnith away rath. so i bet i have made sum frends by them leters.

when i got throug wrighting the leters it was almost time for dinner but i had a little moar time and i rote one mor to miss Tabithy Wilkins. she is a old made and she was xcited when i holered to Beany about the wimmen chasing after the minister and i dident mean her and so i thougt i had augt to tell her so she woodent wurry. so i rote her a leter two. this is what i rote her.

Miss Tabithy Wilkins Exeter New Hamps.h.i.+re dear miss Wilkins. when i hollered to Beany at the picknic last weak about the wimmen running after the minister you thought i ment you and you got xcited. i thougt i wood wright and tell you who i ment. i dident meen you at all. i ment your 2 sisters Mary Ann and Unice and i ment missis Angilina Annis and Feeby Derborn and 2 or 3 others.

i hoap you have not wurred about this. i rote jest as soon as i cood for i have been awful sick and lade between life and deth for a long time and coodent see ennything becaus my eys were all swole up by poizen ivory. i gnew you wood be glad to know i dident meen you, but i wood speek to your 2 sisters if i was you.

yours very respectively Harry Shute.

after i had rote that i got sum stampls of mother.

she wanted to know what i wanted them for and when i told her what i had did she sed it was verry brave of me to admiit i was rong and i must feel verry happy over it and i sed i did and i et my dinner and put the leters in the post ofice and all i have got to do now is to have a good time for the nex 2 weaks.

September 3th, 186---brite and fair and hot as time. i dident have enny chanse to wright ennything yesterday. i dident feel mutch like it neether. i dont believe enny feller had so mutch truble in 2 weaks as i had last nite. to hear father talk you wood think i was a bank burglar or a cannybile whitch kills and eats children. i have been jawed and licked and kep in my room and sent to bed without super, only Cele brougt it up after father had went down town, and had evry thing did to me jest becaus i rote them leters and i dont see what there was in them leters to make ennyone mad. i coodent wright enny beter leters than them if i tride a hole weak, and the peeple whitch got them is feerful mad with me and father says that posiably they may persecute me at law and i may have to go to jale for what i rote and father says i have got him into a feerful scraip becaus i told them peeple what he sed about them. but then he sed it so i dont see why he shood be mad, and what he sed is true and he says that evrybody knows it is true so i done see why he shood be mad.

the wirst of it is mother is mad with me two, that is to say mother aint mad xactly for she dont get mad but she is verry mutch displeesed with me and sed i done rong in wrighting to them as i did. i dont see why. ferst she says i done rong by hollering to Beany about them and she was glad i begged their pardon and now she says i done rong becaus i dident stop when i begged their pardon and not say enny more. of course i had to xplain things to them. ennyway i dont understand it now and i dont beleeve i shall if i have to go to jale for forty-five years. i wonder if peeple ever do stay in jale forty-five years. peraps i shall find out sum day.

i dont care. ennything i sbetter than having evrybody mad with you. a feller mite as well be ded.

i wish i was ded. if i was ded peraps sum of them wood be sorry.

well day before yesterday was a bully day. i went fis.h.i.+ng in the morning with Pewt and Fatty Melcher and cougt 2 hogbaks, old lunkers and 3 pickeril and a big roach almost as big as the one i left in my jaket poket the time the folks thougt there was a ded rat in the wall of the house and got old man Staples to pull down the plastering.

then in the afternoon i went b.u.t.terfling with Potter Goram and got sum splendid red and black ones on the nettle flowers by the side of the road. father he came home from Boston good-natured and was glad to see i was so mutch better and we had the roach and pickeril for supper and they was fine.

after supper father went down town for sumthing and we was setting round the table. Cele had read the 95nd palsam and was reading Dare Devvil Dave the Ded Shot and i was wateing for father who sed he wood bring me a new novil from Fogg and Fellers store. Keene was reading the Fireside Companion, mother lets her read that insted of the New York Legger. Georgie was putting a picture puzel together and Annie and Franky and the baby had been put to bed when i heard father comin up the steps. as soon as he opened the door i sed have you got my novil and he sed the thing you will get is a thundering good licking insted of a novil and i see i a minit that he was mad. so i sed what have i done and he sed what in thunder did you wright that devilish leter to that infernal idiut Aspinwall for? and i sed i done it to beg his pardon and mother she sed i done rite. then father he sed that is a prety way to beg a mans pardon by telling him i sed he was a dam hippokrit. then i sed i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit i only sed you sed when a man tries to be a decon and a plug ugly one at the same time it was the dam hippockerasy of the thing that made you mad. i dident say you sed he was a dam hippokrit.

father he sed for G.o.ddlemitys sakes what is the difference? what rite had you to tell him that ennyway and i sed well you did say it dident you? and he sed of coa.r.s.e i sed it and it is true but if you dont know enny more than to tattle evrything i say at home i will give you a good sound thras.h.i.+ng rite now and i thougt i was going to get it when mother sed wait George to father and then she sed to me what did you wright to decon Aspinwall and i cood remember all of it and i told her jest what i had rote and she leened back in her chair and begun to laff and laffed and laffed until i thought she wood fall out of her chair and Aunt Sarah she laffed almost as hard as mother and father he begun to laff and then we all laffed. i laffed becaus i see father laffin and i sed to my self it is all rite he wont lick me now. so i laffed. after we had stoped laffing mother sed how did you find out about the letter George and father he sed i went into Fogg and Fellers store to get your novil and while i was talking to Jack Fogg up come decon Aspinwall as red as a beat and sed what do you mean George Shute by calling me a dam hippokrit? and i sed i havent called you a dam hippokrit or enny sort of a hippokrit and he sed yes you have and i have it hear in black and white and he shook a leter rite in my face.

so i sed i dont know what you meen. i havent rote any leter about you and he sed i know it but your misable son has ritten this atrosius ep.i.s.sle and you shall pay for it sir, you shall pay for it. well all the peeple in the store were lissening and i was a geting mad and so i sed well decon i know you aint drunk for you are to cussed meen to pay for a drink and so i gess you must be crasy but to keep you from going cleer out of your mind i will read the leter and i was sirprized. but i tried to smooth it over and sed now decon do you supose for one minit that i ever thougt that of you, mutch less sed it?

and he sed yes sir that is jest what a man like you wood say and think two. well i kep my temper and tride to smooth him down but the more i tride the mader he got and finally he told me i was a defaimer of innosent persens and that he wood maik me proove it in coart. then i got mad and sed look hear you longnosed old vagrant, sue and be d.a.m.ned, but i have heard enuf of your chin musick and if you say 2 words moar i will smash that sankit monious old snout of yours so flat that they wont be able to see your ears. then i told him to go to h.e.l.l and i come home. but it was the bigest fool performance to wright a leter like that i ever heard of and if you ever do ennything again like that i will tan the hide off of you.

i sed i woodent and i hoaped n.o.body wood say enny more but jest then mother sed i hoap you were moar cairful about the other leters and father he sed what have you sent enny others and i sed yes sir and he sed who elce did you wright to and i told him and he sed what did you wright to Missis Peezly and i sed i told her i was verry sorry for what i hollered to Beany and asted her to forgive me, and he sed are you sure and i sed yes sir hoap to die and cross my throte. and he sed what did you wright to Rody Shatuck and i sed i rote her jest about the saim as i had rote to Missis Peezly and he asted if i was sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte. and he asted me what i rote to the minister and i sed i asked him to forgive me becaus i douted his word and for sa.s.sing him and he sed are you sure and i sed hoap to die and cross my throte.

then he asted if i rote the same to the other peeple and i sed yes ser and he sed well thank the good lord you had more sence than you did when you rote the leter to old Aspinwall. and i sed yes sir I am glad i had so i thougt i was all rite when the door bell rang kind of mad. i can always tell how a person feals when he rings our doorbell and when he neerly pulls it out i know he is mad. i felt as if sumthing was going to hapen jest then.

well Cele went to the door and i heard a woman asing if father was in and i reconised Misses Peezlys voice and i gnew she was mad and i wondered what she was mad for. so father he went in and i cood her her yapping away at him and cood hear father talking but coodent hear what they was saying.

mother sed i hope you told your father the truth and i sed yes mam. bimeby father come in and called mother and she went in and i cood hear her talking.

jest then the door bell rang and Cele let in old Rody Shatuck and a minit afterwerds in come Angelina Annis and Unice and Mary Ann Wilkins and Feeby Derborn all of them jest mad enuf to fite. i cood tell they was mad by the way they asted for father. i tell you i got fealing prety sick but i coodent see what they was mad about. when they went into the parlor you wood have thougt it was a chirch meating when they was voating for the carpet in the vestry. evry woman talked to onct jest as loud as they cood. i never head such a noise in my life before. bimeby father come in and told me to come in and told me not to say a word unless to answer questions that he asked. i hated awful to go in but i had to. when i got in they was all there with there faces as red as beats and mad enuf to bit spikes.