Part 5 (2/2)

”Maria's Marriage!” A veritable triumph! Order it from your bookseller to-day!

That, my dear Jones, is how the trick is done. I hope to give you some further hints on a future occasion.

”PRAY, AFTER YOU,” as the gla.s.s of water said to the pill.

TRUISM FOR TEETOTALERS.--When a man is _out_ of spirits--he should take wine.

A NEEDLESS QUESTION.--”Do you want a loan?”

THE BRITISH ”PUBLIC.”--The beer-shop.

MORNING ENVELOPES.--Dressing gowns.

[Ill.u.s.tration: ”_Operator_” (_desperately, after half an hour's fruitless endeavour to make a successful ”picture” from unpromising sitter_). ”Suppose, madam, we try a pose with just the _least_ suggestion of--er--_sauciness_?”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: GUs.h.i.+NG HOSPITALITY. (Time 3 p.m.).--_Hospitable Host._ ”Have c'gar, old f'lla?”

_Languid Visitor._ ”No--thanks.”

_H. H._ ”Cigarette then?”

_His Visitor._ ”No--thanks. Nevar smoke 'mejately after breakfast.”

_H. H._ ”Can't refuse a toothpick, then, old f'lla?”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: PROPORTIONS.--_Buyer._ ”In future, as my collection increases, and my wall-s.p.a.ce is limited, and price no object, perhaps you would let me have a little more 'picture,' and a little less 'mount'!”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: INGENUOUS!--_Jones_ (_to his fair partner, after their opponents have declared ”clubs”_). ”Shall I play to 'clubs', partner?”

_Fair Partner_ (_who has never played bridge before_). ”Oh, no, please don't, Mr. Jones. I've only got two little ones.”]

[Ill.u.s.tration: _She._ ”And are all these lovely things about which you write imaginary?”

_The Poet._ ”Oh, no, Miss Ethel. I have only to open my eyes and I see something beautiful before me.”

_She._ ”Oh, how I wish I could say the same!”]

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