Chapter 11 (2/2)

“Yeah It’s cheap The er”

“Eating ready-made food every day isn’t very nutritious”

Although they had no choice of meals in prison, they were at least nutritionally-balanced, and the dishes changed every day It seeawa had not taken the trouble to do so for his own meals once he was out and by hiun to wonder if he hadhim about nutrition and such

“What’s ready-awa asked

“Food they make in the store to sell Like bento boxes, or takeout”

“Mawa h for the h he had a middle-school education, he had barely attended school

Douno re he had been locked into a ser, and had his meals thrown in from theIt was unlikely he had been fed homemade dishes or nutritious awa’s lack of consideration for what he ate understandable

Kei Kitagaas a man who had been an unhappy child, betrayed and unloved by his parents He did not knohat it was like to believe in people, to love, or to receive kindness from others He knew so pitifully little that it was heart-wrenching―wasn’t that the reason why Douno wanted to do so for this man, to be involved with his life?

Douno gripped the steering wheel

“Let’s eat dinner atspecial,” he said

The car stopped at a traffic light When Douno looked over at the man beside him, his broas furrowed

“Why your house?”

“You always eat the saured it wouldn’t be a bad experience for you to taste soh”

Even after the car lurched into ain, there was no answer froing up another topic, and waited for the other awa did not want to, he would say so He was not answering because he was having trouble deciding

Douno parked the car in the parking lot below his apartawa had still not decided on whether he was going or not With the engine still running, Douno asked hiain

“Do you want to come over?”

“What’ll you do if I say I won’t?” Kitagawa asked, peering up at him from beneath his eyebrows

“I’ll drive you home”

Kitagawa ran his hand through his short hair several times He sta

“But your fa to take me there? I waited teeks, like I was supposed to I was excited for today since , and”

Kitagawa shook his head in frustration as he spoke He was right: Douno realized that perhaps in Kitagawa’s position, having arubbed in the face with failure

“I’m sorry I’ll drive you home”

Just as Douno put his hand on the parking brake, the door opened on the passenger side Kitagawa junition He thought Kitagaould take off and disappear, but he stood stock-still in his spot

Douno took his bag and lunch box from the back seat

“Do you want to come with me?”

Kitagawa only glared at hi, and did not nod Douno walked towards the building stairs to see ould happen When he looked back, thehim Douno cliain The

“I’m home”

When he opened the door, he was greeted with a whiff of curry

“Welcome home,” he heard Mariko’s voice call fro down the hallway towards hi sounds on the floor

“Daddy, daddy, pick hter thrust both her hands out “Hurry, hurry,” she rushed him, unable to wait for him to take off his shoes Douno picked her up, and looked steadily at Kitagawa standing in the doorway

“You’ve awa, daddy’s friend Say hello” He patted Honoka on the back

“Hullo,” she mumbled in a small voice, then buried her face in Douno’s shoulder shyly

“It’s a small place, but come on in”

Kitagawa slowly took off his shoes He was barefoot and without socks

When they entered the kitchen, today’s dinner was indeed curry It was not going to be a proble an additional person

“I’ve brought ht if he eats dinner with us?”

“What?” Mariko turned around in surprise

“It’s Kitagawa, the one who brought us soba the other day”

Kitagawa stood at the entrance to the kitchen and showed no signs of co in Mariko tucked her hair behind her ear, suddenly conscious of any unruly strands on her head

“hello,” she s us that delicious soba the other day” Then, she fixed Douno with a disapproving glare

“You should have phonedmore decent than curry,” Mariko complained as she swiftly prepared a fourth portion

“Need help?” Douno offered as he stood behind her Mariko turned around

“You gentlemen can have a chat while you wait,” she said with a wink

“We’ll be able to eat soon,” Douno told Kitagawa “Do you want to wait in the living rooht here”

At Douno’s encouragean to walk With every step he took, his bare feetsounds on the floor

They sat down across froawa kept his eyes on his feet and did not look up He had not spoken a word since entering the house

Honoka was sitting in Douno’s lap, but appeared interested in Kitagaas across frolances in his direction She climbed down from Douno’s lap and disappeared for so with her favourite doll in her arms She carefully crept up to the man across from her

“This is Marin”

She thrust the doll towards Kitagaho had lifted his face

“Let’s play”

The child, heedless of the aard mood between the two men, sat the doll in the silent awa’s mood worse

“Honoka, come over to daddy,” he called to her

“I’ve never played with dolls before,” Kitagawa awa, then went back to bring out a drawing pad and pen

“Then you can draw pictures”

Kitagawa took the pen hesitantly from her

“Draw me a kitty-cat”

Kitagawa’s brow remained furrowed in a difficult expression as his pen effortlessly sketched out a realistic-looking cat on the blank drawing pad Honoka leaned in to peer at Kitagawa’s hands as he drew

“Kitty-cat, kitty-cat,” she said happily

Mariko called the session Apparently dinner was now ready But even as Douno stood up, Kitagawa showed no signs of

Douno kneas being underhanded, but whispered to his daughter anyway

“Honoka, can you lead our guest to the kitchen?”

“Yeeees,” Honoka answered in a loud voice “This way,him to the kitchen

At the dining table, Douno and Kitagawa sat beside each other while Mariko and Honoka sat across from them

Today’s awa sat staring, al, at the curry set out before him He had never left curry uneaten in prison, so Douno was sure Kitagawa did not dislike it Even so, he felt strangely nervous

“I’m sorry this is all we have I hope it’ll suit your tastes Please, feel free to have as much as you like”

Kitagawa glanced at Mariko, and seemed to incline his head a little

“Thank you for the awa, picked their spoons up After Douno had sed his first awa finally picked up his spoon Within five minutes, he cleared off his curry and salad

Honoka clapped her hands in glee at the sight

“So fast! So fast!” she said Mariko looked astonished Douno knew Kitagawa’s fast eating were lasting effects fro, but Mariko did not know

“Um would you like seconds?” she offered

Kitagawa shook his head Mariko glanced at Douno He nodded shallowly, hoping she would understand that she did not have to insist

“You’re going to eat lots like Mr Kitagawa, too, right, Honoka?” Mariko petted Honoka’s head Children her age tended to have trouble concentrating for long periods of ti to finish her meals because she would be distracted by play But perhaps Kitagawa had influenced her today, for Honoka was eating with intense concentration

“What kind of work do you to, Mr Kitagawa?” Mariko asked while wiping Honoka’s mouth

“Construction,” Kitagawa muttered

“He works at construction sites,” Douno ju and end of Kitagawa’s sentence

“How long have you been friends with ” Douno perceived what his anting to ask, and answered ahead of Kitagawa

“He―he wasin touch with hiraduation”

“I see,” Mariko answered She did not see his underclass look, but did not try to correct his lie

After everyone finished dinner, they awa

“Draw ed Mariko, ashi+ng the dishes in the kitchen, called Honoka back out of consideration for Kitagawa

“Honoka, you’re going to help mommy with the dishes,” she said, but Honoka did not listen

Kitagawa obeyed Honoka’s requests and drew all manners of pictures on the notepad When she said “bunny-rabbit”, he drew a rabbit; when she said “Mr Elephant”, he drew an elephant When she said “castle”, he drew a towering japanese castle with shachihoko ornaments, was promptly shot doith a “Noooooo” fro the back of his head in confusion

Mariko ca up, and leaned down to peer at Kitagawa’s pictures

“You’re very good at drawing,” she said with awe “Did you ever study art?”

The awa barely spoke to Douno or Mariko, and drew picture after picture in silence at Honoka’s request When it struck nine o’clock, both Kitagawa and Honoka yawned in tandeined it would almost be time for him to sleep

“It’s late Do you want me to drive you home?” he offered

Kitagawa put the pen and pad down on the table and stood up Honoka, whose eyelids had been drooping sleepily as she sat beside the artist, appeared to sense hi

“Draw awa’s hand to stop him

“Mr Kitagawa has to go home now,” Mariko told her

“No, no,” Honoka protested, clinging onto Kitagawa’s legs

Mariko peeled the whining girl off of Kitagawa, and Honoka burst into loud tears Douno ushered Kitagawa to the door, theback every so often as if reluctant to leave They exited the house together

“She’s our only child, so we can’t help but give in That’s why she can be a bit selfish Sorry you had to put up with her games,” Douno said to the awa “We have to start teaching her that she can’t always get what she wants”

Kitagaas silent He had said barely anything, so it was hard to tell what he had thought about the visit Douno walked towards the parking lot, intending to drive Kitagawa home

“We can just walk,” Kitagawa said

“Walk?”

“It won’t even take ten minutes”

Kitagawa set off ahead of him, and Douno hastily trailed behind They walked side-by-side through the quiet neighbourhood A car passed them occasionally, but there were no people There were puddles here and there, perhaps from the rain in the daytiawa splashed through them heedlessly

“Hoas the curry?” Douno asked

“Good,” Kitagawa answered shortly

“You should conext time”

Kitagawa stopped in his tracks

“That place is your house” His words were stiff “I don’t belong there”

Douno did not understand what he meant

“Do you mean you feel ostracized when you’re at my house?”

“What’s ‘ostracized’? How the hell would I know?” Kitagawa kicked his right heel into the ground in frustration “The curry that your wife s are different from that I don’t really want to see your house It doesn’t belong to s like that, I really feel like you’re far away Like I’m a different-coloured balloon from everyone else”

I don’t belong there Douno felt like he could understand nohat the man meant

“shi+ba told o over there, but don’t cause trouble for Douno If you’re gonna see hiured that’s just how things worked, so I waited for teeks after your phone call and went to see you I thought about a lot of things while I aiting I’d bring you over to ether, and we’d talk I had it all planned out, but now it’s all ruined I was so excited for today, and just when I finally get to see your face, you go on saying crap like you’ll send o to your house So I either had to put up with it to be with you, or go home and wait another teeks It’s the worst”

Kitagawa repeatedly kicked the hydro pole beside hi and out of breath, he began to shuffled his feet forearily Douno was unsure whether to walk hio back He felt like it would be aard either way But unable to abandon the awa

“That’s my house, and that’swith his back to hiht not have liked it, but this is reality You can’t help it if you feel like you’re a different colour, because that house is where we live as a family You can always start your own household Then, we can have a relationshi+p that includes both our families”

“How am I supposed to start a family?”

“Well, you find someone you love”

“I’ve said over and over that I love you!” Kitagawa yelled, in a voice that was loud enough to ring out over the neighbourhood Douno felt himself cower, but desperately tried to remain defiant

“No s I can’t feel that kind of romantic love for you If that’s what you want froain”

Kitagawa looked seized with shock and on the brink of tears Watching him made Douno’s heart ache

“We need to draw the line,” Douno implored “I can’t feel romantic love for you, But I still want to see you as friends If we’re friends, you won’t have to wait two or three weeks Come over every day, if you like Come over to eat with us”

Kitagawa hung his head His clenched fists were tre

“I’ve been thinking for a long time: you’re not fair I like you so many times more than you like me I know I do”

“Love isn’t about cos”

Their eyes met

“I wanted to live my life with Mariko, not you”

After a long silence, Kitagawa spoke “So I’m the loser,” he mumbled

“Don’t say it like that It’s true that Ifriends with you I want to see what kind of person you’ll fall in love and find happiness with I still want to be involved in your life”

Kitagawa turned on his heel and started walking again In the outskirts of the residential area, he turned off on a path, and went all the way to the end His feet stopped in front of a single detached house

It was surrounded by high walls, and the branches of a tall tree were poking out over it Douno had seen this house before; the real estate agent had shown it to hi for a house to live in together It was old and dirty, and since Mariko protested, they had not taken it Kitagawa put a hand on the gate, which swung limply like a mere ornament

“I’ home now,” Douno said

Kitagawa’s back was to hi into his house

“I don’t want to be too late, so I’ain

There was no response

“Feel free to give ether You don’t need to hold back” Douno insisted as strongly as he could at the o home

“Hey”

A voice called him

“Give me your phone number”

Douno realized he had not given the man his phone number yet He fished out his cell phone from his jacket pocket, and displayed his nuit number twice, slowly

“Can you rely

“You still tell me to call you even when I’ve told you I don’t want to, huh?”

Douno re over and over that he hated the phone, in the parking lot of his workplace

“Oh, sorry But you’ll be able to get a hold of me better by phone, and ouldn’t miss each other e try to etfulness

“And don’t hang up on me e’re on the phone”

Douno tilted his head

“You hung up all of a sudden the other day, and it pissed me off”

“Oh, right Okay”

Douno had called to thank Kitagawa for the soba, and had hung up on hiht of their conversation He had no idea it had bothered Kitagawa so much

“I reet what you say But you forget what I say right away,” Kitagawa said in a detached way “Is that what it means for me to love you and for you to see me as a friend?”

Douno felt like he was being blaht not have meant it, it still came across to him that way

“I’ home now”

“I'aze “I'm lonely”

Douno looked at his feet “Let’s ain toain”

“If I stay home alone, I probably won’t be able to stand it Like that time with you over the phone, but I’ll feel worse, and tears’ll start co out of my eyes”

“You only have to wait a little bit untila sawa’s lips after his plaintive claim of loneliness, then turned on his heel He walked a few steps and turned around He could see the shadow still standing in the same spot

Douno did not turn around again until he got ho hiainst his better judgement

Kitagawa had said over and over that he was lonely If he’s that lonely, it wouldn’t hurt if I stayed with hi to tip in that direction It was affection, he thought It was not romantic love, and they were not family But he harboured an affection inside hi about

Douno caawa’s loneliness He heard Mariko talking to so roo up

“Who were you talking to?”

“Mr Taguchi,” Mariko said Taguchi was the er of the supermarket where Mariko worked part-ti with her Taguchi was three years older than Douno, but he looked er and was an amiable man He seemed to like children, for he was all siven her a candy froift He was h,” Mariko had said

“The person orks the night shi+ft is in the hospital froency leave He askedtomorrow, but I have a child to take care of, so”

“I guess you’re right If my work day ended earlier, I could’ve watched Honoka, but”

“Thanks, but it’s okay I already told him no” Mariko sht, when she had been bawling moments before

“Did Honoka go to sleep?”

“She cried herself to sleep I think she really enjoyed Mr Kitagawa playing with her and drawing pictures for her” Mariko hunched her shoulders

“I see,” Douno let out a h

“He’s a little different, isn’t he?” Mariko said “He doesn’t talk much But he’s really kind He had a lot of patience to put up with a four-year-old child for that long”

Douno was happy to hear her call Kitagawa kind He cared about the e

“He’s living by himself, and I don’t think he eats very well He’s not close with his fa tiht if I invite him over for dinner in the future?”

“Go ahead, but proave Douno’s chest a gentle prod

“I will,” Douno answered, and gently embraced his wife As he stroked her soft brown hair which cascadedaround his wife’s slender, fair neck It was a necklace, but he had never seen this design before

“Did you buy this?” he asked, plucking the chain with his fingertips Mariko’s spine flinched

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it beforehand But it was so cute, and it didn’t cost much”

Douno sry at you You have a part-time job, too, so you should feel free to buy what you ithout my permission”

“Thank you,” Mariko murmured She buried her face in Douno’s chest, and circled her arms around his back

“Say, is Mr Kitagawa dating anyone?” she asked

“I don’t think so Why?”

“He’s kind of good-looking, don’t you think?”

“Is he?”

“Yeah,” said Mariko “He’s tall, and though he’s a bit aard, he’s kind I think he’d be on le”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Douno murmured uncertainly

“I’led softly

“But I do hope Kitagawa finds someone special like that,” Douno said ”Then he wouldn’t have to feel lonely”

“You’re a kind one, too,” Mariko said, touching Douno’s fingers Douno gently clasped her thin fingers in his own, and wished earnestly that such a soawa