epilogue (2/2)

Ichinose gave a sarcastic smile

”My heart grew cold right ahen I heard about hu I've believed as 'destiny' turned out to be soy pattern”

He felt unco someone for 8 years was siative views on love

But it also felt wrong to stubbornly argue against his opinions

”Even I think I' person I have lots of faults, too But” Takahashi+ clutched his hands on top of his thighs tightly ”I' to do my best until I can convince oing to work out”

”Doing your best is good and all, but what are you going to do if that's just causing trouble for your lover?”

He brought up a sensitive issue

”That's”

”It's also important to knohen to back off”

It was definitely true that it was unseeht over relationshi+p problems

He knew that, but Takahashi+ didn't think that he could easily give up his current lover

”It was painful for me to watch you fall in love with someone else, so I've transferred to a school far away from you That was the only way I could run away But that didn't solve the probleed on s for you For e to face you directly at the ti ed”

”Hnn”

Ichinose agreed, holding the wrinkled cigarette case and fingering it

”Then how do you think you would've changed if you've confessed to me back then?”

Takahashi+ answered after a short period of thinking, ”Perhaps I wouldn't have became a private school teacher”

Ichinose asked why

”You h at my simplicity, but the reason why I becao, you told me you wanted to be a teacher Of course, it was also because there was nothing else I really wanted to becoht not have chased after your dream”

Takahashi+ lowered his face and closed his eyes

”Even after I've graduated college and got a job, I couldn't forget about you Even after years and years of not seeing you, you were my sweetheart in my heart My memories faded and I couldn't res towards you remained vivid The pain The sadness Every once in a while, those feelings would suddenly, clearly revive If I was able to end ht not have been hurt in that sense”

”This et about you, either I was in pain all this ti heart, I was shocked that you would hate h to cut off all connection with me all of a sudden I couldn't even understand why I was so persistant about you But if I knew the reason, I wouldn't have been in such pain needlessly”

After , ”Huh?”

”Say, that h and I said no, it would have ended like that?”

”It ht have”

After laughing until his shoulders shook, Ichinose put his interlocked hands behind his head and o, to tell you the truth”

He was so surprised that he was rendered speechless

”It was a wo that she was the only woman in my life But after 2,3 years our relationshi+p weirdly started to go wrong, so in the end I didn't even want to see her face We had a kid, too, so we had a huge fight over the custody In the end, she got it, though I never thought seriously about why it had to be like that, since divorce is quite common nowadays That hen I heard about the love cycle lasting only 5 years and I convinced myself that hy, since coincidentally that happened inback on it now, I think I just ran away because I didn't want to think about it deeply”

Ichinose deeply sighed

”When Ithis woman's love was alland selfishness on ht of course ould have affection towards one another, so I started to treat her with less and less care, and in the end she fell out of love with me I think it really was like that, since neither of us cheated on each other”

His gaze was directed towards Takahashi+

”What would have happened if I thought deeply about her, like hoas persistant about you? If I seriously thought about what started to go wrong, why it happened like that, the result ht have been different”

He couldn't offer hi

Like that, a long silence settled

As if shaking off the serious atry and stood up from his seat

”After I got divorced and came back home, they all treated me like a burden It's more comfortable for me to live alone, too, but I have to pay alimony so I'm not very well off”

Ichinose widely stretched and s at Takahashi+'s shoulder

”There's no need for you to get so serious I'm poor and lonely, but not unhappy”

After they cleaned up the ash tray and garbage, they turned the roohts off

When they stepped out to the hallway, it felt much colder than the room that had its heater off

The sound of their slippers echoed surprisingly loud

Ichinose, alking ahead, suddenly stoppedand muttered in a small voice

”I guess what's important is how seriously you think about it Your love for s, right? But er than with her, who had been s are not decided by so like that is effective at all I think what's important is how much you think about each other”

Ichinose suddenly cocked his head, saying, ”Huh?”

”Come to think of it, that's what I always said tothat?”

When Takahashi+ shed, too

When they were about to put their shoes on at the entrance, despite his previous warning, he tripped on the 5ce and fell forward

”I told you to watch your feet, since it's dark”

Ichinose offered his hand, giving him a helpless look

When he grabbed it, the warmth of his body transferred to him

”Thank”

Before he finished, Ichinose lightly hugged Takahashi+

His heart was thu, but it waspassionate

”Shall we at least share a kiss?”

Even at the voice only few centimeters from him, Takahashi+ remained cool

”I think it'll be better if we don't”

Suddenly Ichinose blushed brightly and hurriedly turned his body away

”Sorry Forget about what I said just now”

Blushi+ng so hard that even his ears turned red, he said he'd go on ahead and hurried outside

Outside was still freezing cold, and violent snowstor

High and low sounds of wind came like ind

Ichinose nu at the snow

”I kept thinking Hoould've been like if you didn't have a lover and you still lovedabout this now, but”

There was no need to ask hi else

”Hey, you Be strong”

His voice sounded like it'll get sed up by the wind

When he turned around, he was laughing with his cheeks wrinkled, as if he couldn't keep his expression straight because of the cold weather

”I' even if so, but anyway”

They looked at each other wordlessly

Sudden kiss

It was a baby kiss that barely brushed his lips, but he tensed up like the first time he kissed

After they finished their kiss, Ichinose turned away and said, ”Don't you dare thank me,” and then lowered his face

He parted with Ichinose at the school gates

When he looked at his turned back that was slowly disappearing into the snow, he thought he would never ain

He was sure he wouldn't contact him

They've exchanged their cell phone numbers and addresses, but he couldn't bear that premonition

Hunching up his shoulders, he walked through the snow and arrived at the front of his house His cell phone started to ring right at that moment

It was a call from his love

Takahashi+ hurriedly took the cell phone out from his coat

He couldn't really hear his lover's voice because of the wind

Clutching his phone with shaking fingers, Takahashi+ moved to the front of shuttered-up store

'I can't really hear you Where are you right now?'

Takahashi+ covered his mouth with his hand so that he could block out as much outside noise as he could

”Outside It's snowing and the wind's really bad, too, so”

'You were on your way to a convenience store?'

”No, on a walk”

After a short silence, he was able to hear his lover's laughter

'You're going for a walk in this snow? I'et buried up'

”It wasn't this bad when I started from home”

His lover asked in disbelief just how long he had been walking

He was able to hear h the phone

He said he had to work on Saturday, too It seemed that he hadn't returned home yet

'I'et me?'

”Station?”

'Kurego Station Actually I wanted to go to Akatsuka, which was the closest, but since it was the last train running, this was their last stop Sorry for asking you this at such a late hour'

His lover came to this area--

His fingers shook, he wasn't sure if it was because he was affected or because it was cold

”You told me you had work today”

'Yeah, I came after I finished That's why I'm so late'

”I told you I'll return tomorrow, yet you came all the way here”

'A you?'

”No, it's not like that”

He felt frustrated that he couldn't express his feelings well

”Hold on, I'll go to the station right now”

'Okay'

After hanging up, Takahashi+ hurried to the ht

At the e room of the train station, where even stores closed up, his lover Sato aimlessly

In his hand he held the leather suitcase he always took to his office

His profile which was nuhtly when he noticed Takahashi+'s presence

His lover got up fro towards Takahashi+

”I' to you”

The first thing he did when he opened his ize

Grey suit and navy jacket--it was the sa

”But it's not like I ca to tell you in advance, but I thought you'd tell me not to come, so”

”I want to know the reason”

His lover looked around and then laughed strangely

”There's no one here, but it's kind of weird to talk here, so why don't we go somewhere else? There's a business hotel nearby so let's sleep there tonight”

When they left the waiting room, his lover thanked the station worker at the entrance

”He was really nice when he told me where the station and hotel are”

The friendly man often talked easily with someone he had just met

He was co with others

The business hotel that faced the h that one could see it from the station

The road wasn't that wide, yet his lover walked by Takahashi+'s side

As he thought, a bicycle came from the opposite direction, so when he was about to move out of the way, he embraced his shoulders

It felt like he alking with his shoulders held, so he eased away from him

Even now he felt unco physical contact in front of others

Once he backed away, his lover's hand no longer sought after Takahashi+

The hotel room was tiny and austere

The first thing his lover did was to turn the heater on and take off his coat

”What a snow, right?”

When he took a look outside the , he only saw faint reflection of the street lights He couldn't see anything else

While he was looking at his lover's slightly sharp profile, he recalled the conversation they had last night

When he called hio back to his hometown for about two days because of his relative's funeral, even though he had just told him about the funeral, his lover asked him, 'How come?'

He was a bit shocked because it felt like he had discovered that he didn't HAVE to force hio, since he was quite a distant relative, but when he repeated that it was for the funeral, he didn't continue to ask

At the hands that gently caressed his cheeks, Takahashi+ slightly jumped

”Is my hand cold?”

When he shook his head, his lover gave a tiny laugh

As if tasting him with his palm, he touched his cheek and chin line, and then his lover embraced Takahashi+ with his hands on the nape of his neck

The kiss His lover's lips that felt like it was gently wrapping around hily warm

”Just how long have you been walking?” He asked, sighing ”Your body's totally cold You already have the tendency to get cold easily, so you have to be careful”

After saying that in a scolding tone, he took off his suit jacket and entered the bathroom

He could hear the sound of water running

”Anyarm your body up Let's talk afterwards”

Saying that as he pulled up his shi+rt sleeves, he forcefully shoved Takahashi+ inside the bath

Because he knew that he orrying about him, he obediently followed his words

When he stripped and entered the tub, the tips of his fingers tingled

He realized just how cold his body has beca the warmth, he felt numbness

It was after he had stayed in the hot water for 10

”Can I come in?”

”I' to come out in a moment”

Even though he gently refused, the door opened with the words, 'Just for a little bit'

When he felt his forceful lover pulling the shower curtains aside, Takahashi+ hurriedly gathered himself into a ball inside the tub

”You warmed up now?”

His lover had already loosened his tie and was holding a can of beer in his right hand

”Oh, the color returned to your face”

Sitting at the edge of the tub, his lover caressed Takahashi+'s wet cheeks

”I orried because your face was so pale First I thought it was because the waiting roohts were so dark, but that wasn't why And then when I touched you, you were cold like a sheet of ice”

His lover swaggered down the beer he was holding, as if it was delicious

When their eyes , 'You want?'

”You said the first sip was good, even for beers”

After hesitating a little, he accepted the beer

He suddenly wanted to drink it

Normally, he almost never consumed alcohol

He didn't like the carbon dioxide, so even when he drank, the only thing he would drink is japanese wine

He would sip beer few times so that he wouldn't ruin the mood, but he did think that the first sip he drank when he was tired was delicious When the cold carbon dioxide drink passed his neck, it suddely burned up in his stomach

At the overreaction to the alcohol, Takahashi+ re all day

Touching his cheeks again, his lover leered at hi

”Why are you laughing?”

When he asked that, his lover's fingers lightly pinched him

”You're bright red, like an octopus”

When he realized that he was laughing at his face that turned red because of the alcohol, he became so embarrassed that he wanted to cry

Takahashi+ pushed his lover's hands away and turned his face away from him

But that was as far as he could run away, since he was still sitting in the narrow tub

”Don't get mad It's because you're so cute, all red like that”

Noat him

So fir his mouth, he faced the wall and didn't turn around

Then, his lover grabbed his arms and forced him to turn around

He didn't want the kiss that tried to suck up to him, so he turned his head away, but his lover's lips pursued his own lips

Because Takahashi+ resisted his lover's shi+rt became completely soaked, but his lover didn't seem to care as he chased after hihtly held in his lover's arms

”Ah” Hotsound echoed in the narrow bathroom

He had been angry only few o, but he couldn't care less about that now

It wasn't like he had never been taken in the bathroo ould happen heated up his lower body

The lips pulled away from him

Touching his wet lips with his thuathered Takahashi+ into his arms

”I want to jump into the tub like this, but then on't be able to talk, so”

Muttering that to himself wistfully, his lover brushed back Takahashi+'s wet locks of hair

”Come out when your body warms up Ah, and wash your hair, too”

AfterTakahashi+ totally in the mood, his lover left the bathroom

It wasn't like he wanted to have a passionate sex in such a narrow place, but his half-ignited pleasure heavily remained in his lower body

While he was carefully washi+ng his hair, his excitement slowly cooled down

It was quite a while later when he put on a gown and came out of the bath

He had been watching TV on top of the bed, his shi+rt buttons loosened When he saw Takahashi+, he gestured to him to come to him

”I'll dry your hair”

While he was drying his hair with a dryer, Takahashi+ lowered his head and kept his eyes closed

When he washed his hair, he would always dry it for him

Before, he fell asleep while his hair was still wet, and he became quite sick for 3 days because of a cold

It had been a flu season and it was only a bad ti it was because he didn't dry his hair

After that, it became his job to dry his hair

He could do so his hair himself, but the reason he let hi cold was simply an excuse The truth was that he just wanted to do so

Not tohands

After drying his hair, he put his nose against Takahashi+'s hair and sniffed like a puppy

”Were you with a smoker today?”

At his observation, his heart nearly stopped

”Because you sarettes before you washed you hair”

Takahashi+ lowered his head and bit into his lips

He knew that he was a terrible liar

He knew that his lover, who always looked easy-going, was actually surprisingly sharp

Then he thought he would be better for him to come out with the truth

”I h days”

He replied, 'Hnn'

”That guy that you said you used to have a crush on?”

He was honestly afraid at his lover's confident voice

”How did you know?”

He said, shrugging, ”Hohatever, the only junior high friend that you ever talked about was him, so”

At his simple answer, he cursed his own foolishness

After sighing lightly, he lover held Takahashi+ from his back

”I should start with asking you first, right? Why did you go see him now, all of a sudden?”

Because their bodies were close to each other, it felt like his fear and anxiety would transfer to hiht away

”I met him by accident”

”What did you guys talk about?”

”This and that”

”You told him you used to love him?”

”Yes”

When he answered like that, even though he was the one who asked, his lover became really surprised

”Why did you tell him?”

”Ichinose That friend fro or e So I didn't want to lie to him, either”

When he thought about that time, his heart started to ache

Takahashi+ tightly grabbed his lover, as holding him

”I thought it couldn't be helped even if he was disgusted with me But Ichinose”

Tears caht time

”Ichinose was understanding with me”

His lover lightly kissed hiers

”The reason why he understood was because you were serious I's reached him”

He was so happy that he felt like crying again, so Takahashi+ hurriedly rubbed his eyes

”And even if I got hurt, I thought you'd comfort me”

At that, his lover held Takahashi+ even tighter against him

This breath-taking confine else in the world

When they first started dating, truthfully he couldn't stand it because he was so worried about his future

It was first time he was in an intimate relationshi+p that involved sex, and his lover was ten years younger than him on top of that

It would be a lie to say that they had never fought, but the happiness of being with hier

Settling Takahashi+ on his lap and gently touching his cheeks, his lover whispered in a s I always, always say, but I love you so row tired of you after being with you for 8 years, but instead of growing tired of you, I want to be with you more and more I'm lonely if I can't see you for even one day And I know very well that you love me a whole lot I know, but You don't have to force yourself for my sake”

His gaze aze

”I thought you were behaving strangely since a while back You have a habit of biting your thumb nail when you're stressed out, so You didn't tell ht I ”

Big hand messed up his hair

”It's because I asked you for an adoption, right?”

He startled

”I ca on my own, and I's, so if you don't want it, then that's it Even if you say no, it's not like I'd ever hate you And”

He continued in a gentle voice

”You won't be able to hide the truth froine thatcoht with your parents No one would want to fight with their parents, and if they can They'd want to hide that they're gay for the rest of their life”

He was afraid of hi, because it felt like his heart beca

”You could've just said no if you wanted that, but you were seriously worried about it, right? So ht I'd better talk to you again, but you suddenly said you're going hoht this was really bad That's why I hurried after you as soon as my as done”

He wrapped his cheek with both of his hands

”You don't have to force yourself to tell your parents You don't have to tell them for the rest of your life Unless you really want to, too, you don't have to worry about onna say that you're despicable or cowardly”

”Sorry”

”I told you, you don't have to apologize It's my fault, too, that I blurted outyour personality into consideration”

But when he apolgized again, he was punished with a kiss

The kiss beca fingers were pulling off his gown

”I'd hate to see you forcing yourself forit later”

A gentle whisper

He wanted to say that no ret it, but he couldn't resist his lips that wanted a kiss from him so he sed his words

”I know you haven't been to your ho to return as soon as I finished talking to you, but At this point, I think that'll be i you home later on”

After saying that, he kissed Takahashi+ on his neck, passionately enough to leave a mark

In the end, he gave up returning home that day

Before he realized it, it had already passed 12, and Takahashi+ didn't feel like going back home, either

He wasn't sure when the snowstor

Even afterlove once, he didn't want to pull apart fro around on top of the bed

”I' up on the formality of stuff like adoption or whatever,” his lover whispered while caressing his hair He had started to doze off in the afterglow, his face buried in his warm chest

”I just wanted to be in a situation where I can be responsible for you For exae accident and were sent off to the hospital, I'll flip out if they tell me that only family members could come see you Even if I want to stay by your side continuously, people would ask ht be okay to just say I'm your lover, but it's the end if you just say that lovers are unrelated people Then I thought it'd be better foryou”

Takahashi+ half-raised his body and gazed at his lover

”Even if your eyes can no longer see, your eyes can no longer hear, your body can no longer er able to speak, I shall stay by your side I want to be with you”

'It'll be great if I could've married you, since I love you so h

”It ht sound like a joke, but I'm pretty serious”

Warmth pushed into his heart so that it felt like it would spill through his lips

Takahashi+ softly pressed his lips against his lover's

He couldn't believe that such a loveable hu could exist in this world

”When o to my house”

His lover cocked his head

”I want to introduce you to my family as someone precious to me”

”I told you, you don't have to push yourself”

”I' myself I want to show the person I love to everyone”

After gazing at each other for a while, his lover lightly nodded his head

And then he tightly held Takahashi+ and whispered in his ear, 'Whencomes'

Early July

When he returned from school, he found a postcard

The handwriting looked familiar, but he couldn't recall whose it was When he looked at the Sender, cocking his head, he found out that it was a postcard from Ichinose

After a norot a new lover

The PS after ※ hed a little

When his lover who returned home early saw the postcard and asked, 'Is it from that friend?' he had replied that it was His loversucks'

He spread out a meal that was a bit fancier than what they usually ate on the livingroom table

The actual event was to it was the eve of the event

”When I toldsomeone, he asked me how old the boy was”

Staring at each other's face, they burst into laughter

They were laughing now, but the process of getting to this point hadn't been easy

His lover's fa

By the time he introduced Takahashi+ to them, he had already talked it over with his fa by the time he went to meet them in person

The problem was Takahashi+'s family

His parents were diligent people, so they did not raise their voices, but it was obvious that they were disapproving of his lover's presence

He had talked to them many times, but when he told them that he loved hi that they didn't want to talk about such things any more

But in the end his parents seeave up, saying, 'You're an adult now, so do whatever you want'

He felt that it would be i of his elderly parents, so he still couldn't tell if it was the right thing to do to tell therets

”I guess we can say that this is our last day of being a single?” His lover asked him

”I guess you can say that”

3 o, his lover left his previous apart at Takahashi+'s home

They would change their records toe is that their naistrar It wasn't like anything would change in their lives

”It's e to say this now, but I think it'd be better to say so like this clearly”

Takahashi+ stopped eating and looked at his lover

”Thank you for everything up til now Please take care of me from now on”

Takahashi+ smiled at his lover who bowed his head and bowed in return

”I'ood care of me”

After s shyly, his lover whispered that they would always be together He could hear the cries of cicada outside the

It has been 9 years since he has reet as a family was about to start