Part 19 (2/2)
Now, I love justice, and I hate to see my sect imposed upon, and then whenever or wherever I travel, I always bear with me the honorary t.i.tle I won honorably. Jest as men take with 'em on sea or land their t.i.tles of B. A. or D. D., just so I ever carry the t.i.tle, won by high minded and strenous effort, Josiah Allen's wife, P. A. and P. I.--Public Adviser and Private Investigator. Here, I thought, is need for a P. A. So I sez to her, yet in a voice her pardner couldn't help hearin':
”I hearn once of a husbands' meetin' in a revival, when the minister asked every man to git up who had complaints to make about his wife.
Every man sprung to his feet to once, except one lone man by the door.
And the minister sez, 'My friend, you are one man in a million who have no complaints to make about your wife.' The man sez, 'That hain't it; I'm paralyzed, I can't _git_ up.'”
I d'no as the husband I aimed this at took it kind or not, but he didn't nag his wife any more in my hearin'.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
IN WHICH I CONTINUE MY SEARCH FOR JOSIAH THROUGH DREAMLAND, HUNTIN'
FOR HIM IN VAIN, AND RETURN TO BILDAD'S AT NIGHT, WEARY AND DESPAIRIN'
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
IN WHICH I CONTINUE MY SEARCH FOR JOSIAH THROUGH DREAMLAND, HUNTIN'
FOR HIM IN VAIN, AND RETURN TO BILDAD'S AT NIGHT, WEARY AND DESPAIRIN'
Creation wuz such a good show I felt considerable rested and refreshed when it wuz over. And I thought the woman looked quite a little perter; it duz down-trod folks lots of good to have somebody take their part. I felt kinder good to think I had lightened a sister female's sperit a little, and wuz walkin' along quite comfortable in mind when like an arrow out of a bo, the old pain and anxiety stabbed me afresh. Another hour gone and Josiah Allen not found! What shall I do? Where shall I turn the eyes of my spectacles? Jest as I wuz askin'
this question to my troubled soul I hearn a boy speak to another one about a futur' state of punishment in sich a vulgar and familiar way that I turned round to once, carryin' out my roll of Promisicous Adviser, and I sez, ”You wicked boys you, to talk so light of your future states, I wonder you dast! If I wuz your mother and had had your bringin' up, you wouldn't dast!”
They looked real impudent at me, and one on 'em sez, ”You hain't the money to go with, that's what ails you.”
I sez solemnly, ”Riches is a snare. I know how hard it is for the eye of a needle to have a camel git through it; I know how the rich man longed for a drop of water. And you'd better meditate on these things and try to git used to heat, instead of talkin' light about 'em!” I don't know how much longer I should have gone on as a P. A. and P. I.
but the woman I had befriended stepped up and sez, ”He means the show there.” And lookin' up, if you'll believe it, I see the words ”h.e.l.l Gate,” and sez she, ”I have got two tickets and my husband don't care about goin', won't you go with me?”
I thought to myself, he probably thinks he'll have chances to sample it in the futur, but mebby he wuz jest sulky. But I only sez to her, ”It is the last place I ever laid out to go unless I wuz obleeged to.
But lead on,” sez I recklessly, ”I'll foller.” For the thought had come to me onbid, How did I know how fur Josiah Allen had back-slided? How did I know but I'd find him there?
[Ill.u.s.tration: _”We got in a small boat and wuz carried round and round till we dived into a dark tunnel.”_]
But to my great surprise--and I wish Elder Minkley could see it, I thought mebby it would modify his sermons some--the first thing we see wuz a great trough of water, and I said to the woman in surprise, ”I never expected that folks would go to this hot place by water!” But we got into a small boat and wuz carried round and round like a whirlpool, till the boat got in the very center, when it dived down into a dark tunnel.
At the further end we climbed out onto a platform, and found ourselves in a long, low-vaulted place, some like a immense tunnel. We could jest ketch a glimpse of a light way off at the end, and we sot off for it, I lookin' clost and sharp on every side for my pardner, hopin' and dreadin' to find him there. When all of a sudden, the most terrific yells and shrieks sounded on every side and we see cages of wild animals on both sides of us movin' up and down howlin' and snarlin'.
Sez the woman, ”They're men dressed up as wild beasts.”
Sez I, ”Have they got to stay here always? Do you spoze it is wrong doin' that has changed 'em into wild animals?” Sez I, ”Judgin' from the papers some on 'em wouldn't need much of a turn.” But oh, I groaned to myself, ”Is Josiah Allen turned into a bear or a cammy leapord! Is he here? I don't believe,” sez I to myself, ”he has ever been bad enough to be turned into anything worse than a sheep or a rooster.” And as I didn't hear any blattin' or crowin', and knowed that if he had seen me he would have tried to communicate with his beloved pardner, I felt hopeful he wuzn't there.
We went on and as soon as we got out she asked me if I didn't want to see the Incubator babies, and bein' agreeable to the idee, we went and see 'em. There they lay in gla.s.s cases, pretty little creeters lookin'
like wee bits of dolls, I felt sad as I looked down on 'em, and thought on the hard journey them tiny feet must set out on from them gla.s.s boxes. What rough crosses the little fingers had got to grasp holt of, and onbeknown to me my mind fell onto the follerin' poetry--
”Our crosses are made from different trees, But we all of us have our Calvaries; We may climb the mount from a different side, But we all go up to be crucified.”
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