Part 15 (2/2)

'Hmm!' Kathleen had the same thought as Lucy. 'That was very thoughtful of him!' she quipped sarcastically. 'What's happened there? Paula got fed up with him, has she?' Her comment came straight from the warm wine. 'Sent him packing, has she? Huh! If you ask me, the pair of 'em want a kick up the a.r.s.e!'

'Hey!' Lucy laughed out loud. 'I've never heard you swear like that before!'

'Well, then, you don't know me as well as I thought you did!' Kathleen laughed. 'When it warrants it, I can curse like the best of 'em. And I reckon them two warrant it now. I just hope they get their comeuppance for hurting you the way they did.'

'Anne told him I was here,' Lucy said.

'Did she now? Well, that's all right, because if he comes round here, he'll have me to deal with, I can tell you that!'

'Oh, you needn't worry yourself, because Anne will make sure he gives me the time and s.p.a.ce I need. Bless her, she thinks I'm here with you because of losing Mum and Dad. Thankfully, she doesn't know the whole truth.'

'Well, now you can relax,' Kathleen suggested. 'Put him out of your mind. What you need is to concentrate on what you might do next. You say you're off to a new life, but how can you manage it? I mean, you won't borrow money from me, and you don't even know where you're going ... But, look, I've got a little idea. So, d'you want to hear it or not?'

'Yes, go on.' Lucy knew Kathleen would tell her anyway.

'Right!' Kathleen was pleased. 'I've got an old widowed aunt. She's a dear old soul, lives alone in a pretty house not too far from Torquay. She's always asking me to go and stay with her, but it's difficult, what with me working full time. But I've had her to visit here once or twice and she's no trouble.'

Lucy thought she already knew what Kathleen was getting at, but she asked anyway. 'So, are you suggesting I might be able to go and stay with your aunt for a time?'

'Exactly!' Kathleen grew excited, 'Oh, Lucy, you'll love her. She can be cranky at times, but she's got a kind heart, and I know she'll take good care of you. Think about it, Lucy: a house with views you would never believe; the sea air all around you; freedom to do as you please. Oh, and she's a good listener when needed.'

Lucy was not altogether convinced. 'I would be barging in on her without fair warning. And when I get there, she might not even like me. Worse, I might not like her, and it would be an impossible situation. Then where will I be? Right back where I started, only worse, because I'll have used up some of the little money I've sc.r.a.ped together.'

Kathleen took Lucy's worries on board. 'All right, I understand what you're saying. But if it does work out, you really will have landed on your feet. You might even find a job in Torquay itself, and then you would be totally independent.'

'Well, yes, there is that, I suppose. But I'm not altogether sure ...'

'OK, Lucy. I tell you what, you sleep on it. What do you say?'

Lucy agreed. 'I'll sleep on it.'

PART THREE.

CHAPTER TEN.

IT WAS ALMOST eight o'clock when Lucy woke from a restless sleep, and even now, in the light of day, her mind was in turmoil.

Having walked the floor of her bedroom for more hours than she had slept, she had eventually come to a decision; although she remained unsure as to whether it was the right one or not.

Catching sight of herself in the mirror, she was shocked at her dishevelled appearance. 'Good grief, Lucy! You look a real fright.' Her hair was wild and tousled because of her twisting and turning in her troubled sleep. Her eyes were sore and tired and her whole demeanour looked frantic. 'What's happened to you?' she asked herself angrily. You had best get a grip of yourself, or you'll go under ... and that's the last thing you want. Pull yoursef together, woman! For once in your life, you need to think of what's best for you. Not for Martin or Paula, not even for the family, but for you Lucy Lovejoy.

Irritated, she ran the flats of her hands through her tousled hair. You won't get anywhere if you keep looking back, she decided. You need to look forward.

Leaning into the mirror, she studied the tired, worn face and the sorry, red eyes that stared back at her, and she laughed out loud. 'You look like a sorry old drunk the morning after the night before,' she giggled.

Patting her face, she managed to return a flush of colour to her cheeks. Lay off the booze in future ... you know you're not used to it, she silently admonished herself. Take a good look at yourself, woman. See what it's done to you.

She felt the tiniest bit ashamed, and then she gave a merry chuckle. 'Me and Kathleen ...' she tutted, '... aren't we a pair of bad 'uns, eh?' There was Lucy, looking like something the cat dragged in, and judging by the silence from downstairs, her partner in crime was still fast asleep in bed.

Lucy was both nervous and excited. After examining all the alternatives, she had finally returned to a decision that she instinctively believed must be the right one for her. It felt right. It made her feel good.

Standing here in front of the mirror, she stared at herself for what seemed an age, her frantic mind ticking over, worrying, weighing the possible consequences of the choice she had settled on, although deep down, somewhere in her deepest soul, she was content. For the first time in her life, she had actually made a decision all by herself, without any persuasion from others. Moreover, she now felt strong enough to see it through.

Deep in thought, she walked to the window, drew open the curtains, and looked out. The fateful new day was here. 'A new beginning,' she murmured with a smile. 'A new life for Lucy Lovejoy.'

She felt special. She felt stronger in herself than she had for a very long time. It seemed as though she had actually achieved something.

Excited and unable to contain herself, she opened the window and called out in a strong, loud voice, 'Lucy Lovejoy is off on a real adventure ... yeah!'

Clenching her fists, she shook them above her head. From now on I need to find out who I really am, and where my place is, she decided. She was afraid. But not enough to change her plans; because this was her time.

When Kathleen's voice called from the bedroom door, Lucy quickly shut the window. 'Lucy, what's going on? Is that you shouting?'

'What?' Lucy was too embarra.s.sed to admit it was her. 'Oh! I thought it was you. I thought your radio must be on.'

'No, I don't have a radio in my room. Somebody was yelling, though. It woke me up. Oh, well, never mind. It must have been kids in the street. Are you out of bed, Lucy?'

'I am now, yes.'

'Right, well, I'll get washed and dressed and I'll see you downstairs. You can tell me what you've decided.' There was a pause before Kathleen asked, 'You have decided, haven't you, Lucy?'

'I have ... yes.'

Some ten minutes later, the two of them were sitting in the small kitchen, sipping tea.

'Right then!' Kathleen urged Lucy. 'So, let's hear your plan ... what have you decided? Will you be going to stay with my aunt, or not?'

'No. Thank you for the suggestion, but I've decided to go right away ... somewhere Mum and Dad used to take me and Paula, when we were kids.' She choked back tears. 'I've been missing Mum and Dad so much, I thought it might make me feel closer to them. D'you know what I mean?'

'Oh, Lucy! I think it's a lovely idea. And, yes, I have an idea how you feel. I agree wholeheartedly with your choice, as long as it doesn't make you feel sad.'

'It won't. Oh, but we had such wonderful times there as kids ... me and Paula. And later, when Samuel and Anne were toddlers, Martin took us there once. The children played for hours on that very same beach where we had played.'

She felt torn. 'I somehow feel that going back might help in some way. Last night when I was in bed, I got to remembering how it used to be. Back then we didn't have too much of anything, really, but there were no complications. Just close family ... and lots of love and laughter ... unlike now, when it seems to be one bad thing after another.' She went on, 'For some reason, which I don't fully understand, I feel the need to remind myself of how wonderful it was in that delightful place, when me and Paula were just innocent kids ...' Her voice tailed off as she recalled the unforgivable liaison between Martin and her younger sister.

Lucy had been left shattered by recent, cruel events, so Kathleen fully understood why she would want to recapture the delightful times she enjoyed as a child, with her sister and parents, and later, with Martin and her babies.

'I think you've made the best decision,' she rea.s.sured Lucy. 'I do believe that sometimes, we really need to look back before we can look forward.'

Lucy was greatly relieved. 'So, you're not upset that I didn't choose to stay with your aunt?'

'Of course I'm not upset.' Kathleen was adamant. 'You seem to have made a choice I had not even thought of. But you still haven't told me where it is exactly.'

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