Part 14 (1/2)

Deeply concerned, Kathleen quietly waited until Lucy busied herself emptying her clothes into the drawer. On softest tiptoe she then made her way downstairs to the living room.

A few minutes later, she returned to the bottom of the stairs, and yelled up, 'Lucy ... Come on! What the devil are you doing up there? I hope you haven't gone to bed ... leaving me to drink all this wine by myself?'

Lucy appeared on the landing. 'Sorry, Kathleen, I was just unpacking, but it's all done now.' She made her way down.

'Good! Come on through.' Kathleen betrayed no signs of having witnessed Lucy's unhappy rantings.

A few minutes later the two of them were seated before the cheery fire, each with a gla.s.s of red wine.

'I'm glad you came here tonight,' Kathleen started. 'To tell you the truth, I wasn't really looking forward to my own company, but apart from that, Lucy, I've been really concerned about you, wondering how you might be coping, what with losing your parents so suddenly. I'm always here if you need me ... you do know that, don't you?'

Lucy thanked her. 'I'm really glad to be here with you,' she confessed. 'I've been so down lately. It's very difficult to cope with having lost Mum and Dad, especially with them going so close to each other I still can't believe it's happened. It's like some kind of nightmare.'

When the emotions rushed in, she paused to take a breath. 'I've been so worried for Anne and young Sam, but thankfully they seem to be handling it ... probably better than I am.'

Kathleen understood. 'The younger ones do seem more able to handle such things much better than we expect them to. They take it in their stride, probably because, unlike us, they're always looking forward to some new, exciting event, and who can blame them? They have their whole lives in front of them. I suppose it's because they don't see death as ever happening to them. But when you're older, the death of someone you love hits hard. It makes you realise that no one is immortal ... not even ourselves.'

Lucy agreed. 'You're right; but it doesn't mean that the children don't feel the loss as hard as we do,' she replied.

'Oh, I'm not saying that.' Kathleen felt the need to explain. 'All I'm saying is, thankfully, the younger ones are just beginning to build their lives and so have far more to think about. They spend most of their time looking forward, while the rest of us seem to constantly look back. D'you see what I'm gettng at?'

Collecting the wine bottle from the table, she tipped a good measure into Lucy's gla.s.s.

Lucy absent-mindedly took a sip, and then another, before admitting, 'Yes, I do, and you're right. When we're just starting out, we think the future will be rosy and that everything exciting will come our way. We believe the family will always be there.'

Kathleen nodded. 'That's exactly what I mean. In the end, we all come to learn that the ones we love will not be around for ever.' She raised her gla.s.s. 'So ... here's to the loved ones who have gone before!'

Lucy clinked gla.s.ses with her. 'To our loved ones ... wherever they are.'

They each took another healthy sip of wine, and then another, and Lucy remarked sadly, 'Do you know, Kathleen, I was forty not long ago?'

'Well, I thought you might be, but I wasn't altogether certain. And did you know that I am five years older than you?' she groaned.

'No! I thought you might be forty-one ... or thereabouts. But not forty-five. Well, all I can say is, you look good for your age.'

'Oh, thank you very much ... and so do you.' Kathleen raised her gla.s.s again, and they toasted each other.

'Kathleen? Do you honestly think I look good for my age?' Lucy asked then.

'I said so, didn't I?'

'Yes, but did you mean it?'

'What's the matter with you? Of course I meant it, or I would not have said it.'

'Swear on my life!'

'No! That's tempting providence.'

'So, you were lying, weren't you? You only said it to make me feel better about myself?'

There was a short span of silence, before Kathleen replied, 'Look, Lucy, you really are a good-looking woman, only ...'

'Only what?'

'Well ...' Kathleen took another sip of her wine.

'Kathleen! Go on ... what were you about to say?'

'All right! But if I say what I think, will you promise not to fall out with me, because I couldn't bear that?'

'I promise.'

'Good! But first, we'll drink on it.' Kathleen clinked her gla.s.s with Lucy's. 'Here's to us!' And she took a good swig of wine.

'To us!' Lucy also took a generous sip of wine, although she was not at all used to it.

Kathleen wondered how she might tell Lucy what she thought without upsetting her. 'Well, what I was thinking was that I've always thought you could make a lot better of yourself if you tried. I mean ... your hair, for instance and I'm not being critical it's just that you could do so many things with it.'

'Go on, then. What exactly are you saying?'

'Well, it's a nice length and it always has a s.h.i.+ne, but you never change the style. You could curl it, or plait it, or maybe tie it up in a bright ribbon. You could try a loose fringe, or something a little bit different now and then. You asked me what I thought, and I'm just being honest because that's what friends do.'

Lucy understood. She had often thought about changing her hairstyle, which had been the same since her schooldays but with no sense of style, she had no idea what to do.

'You're right, Kathleen, I know you are, but when I've asked Martin if I should try a new hairstyle, he's always told me not to bother. He said it would be a waste of money, because it would only grow back exactly the way it is. I've tried different things before. For instance, I once changed the colour of my lipstick. I'd worn it for years, so I thought it was time for a change, but I soon went back to my old colour. For some stupid reason, it doesn't matter what I try, I always go back to my old ways.'

'Sounds like you're stuck in a rut, Lucy girl!'

Lucy had another question. 'Kathleen ... do you think I'm fat?'

'No, I do not! After having had two children, you can expect to be a bit out of shape, but you're certainly not fat! All right, if I'm being honest, you might be a bit lumpy here and there, like the rest of us, but that's life. We can't all be perfect, can we?' Kathleen shrugged. 'Besides, it sounds to me as if you're not happy with change, so if that's the case, maybe you should just leave things as they are, like Martin said.'

'Maybe that's really the way he wants me,' Lucy remarked quietly. 'Dull, and always available, to help bring in the wages, to look after the house, do the cooking, iron his s.h.i.+rts and pander to his every need, but when it comes to s.e.x, cuddles and fun, he chooses my sister over me.' She had not meant to say that out loud, but it just tumbled out.

'Your sister? I don't believe it!' Kathleen was visibly shocked.

'It's true. I found them together. Twice.'

'The hussy! Your own sister ... Unbelievable!'

'Somehow, I've obviously let him down in the bedroom. The way things are, he hardly notices me, except to ask for a clean s.h.i.+rt, or to tell me not to bother waiting up, because he won't be back till late. Then when he does come home, I'm still wide awake wondering where he is and what he's doing. Then, he'll come upstairs, undress and climb into bed without so much as ”How are you?” He'll undress quickly, and within minutes he'll be fast asleep with his back to me, snoring his head off. I ask you, Kathleen, is that the actions of a man who truly loves his wife?'

Kathleen was careful in her answer. 'If it was me, I would put that question to him!'

Lucy appeared not to have heard what Kathleen said. Instead she was muttering to herself, 'Sometimes, it's like I'm not even in the same room with him. I've tried talking with him about our marriage and the way he feels about me, but he just makes fun of me, saying I'm being silly, and that I'm imagining things. The trouble is, Kathleen, we were just kids when we got married. I often wonder, if he hadn't got me pregnant, would we have got married? Oh, I'm not fooling myself; Martin has never been a full-on lover. Nor does he say pretty things or compliment me.'

'Some men are like that, Lucy.'

'It's my fault, isn't it?' Lucy was convinced of that. 'I must be doing something wrong, or he would never have cheated on me like he did ... and with my own sister! What did I do that was so bad he would shame me in that way?'