Part 15 (1/2)
It Ain't Easy Being Green:
4 Famously Jealous Politicians
Sure, jealousy isn't exactly the best of traits, but occasionally it'll help a guy get a lot done. The following go-getters found plenty of things (and occasionally people) to cross off their to-do lists when plagued with a bit of the green.
_01:: Nero's Fiddling with Power Poor old fiddling Nero was an unlikely candidate for emperor of Rome. But after his mother, Agrippinilla, conned her way into the bed of her uncle, Emperor Claudius, Nero was adopted by Claudius as coheir with Claudius's son, Britannicus. When Claudius died in 54, Nero became the emperor in name only. Of course, the real power was concentrated in the hands of his mother and her cronies, and Nero didn't like it. Jealous of his mom's power and her playing favorites with Britannicus, Nero most likely had the boy murdered in 55 and in 59 arranged for a series of mishaps for Agrippinilla (she had a strong survival instinct, so he eventually ordered her to be stabbed to death). Not exactly the best son, he wasn't exactly the best ruler, either. He went on to a reign of terror, killing anyone he perceived as a threat, including most of his surviving relatives. Of course, it all caught up with him in the end. Nero was eventually overthrown, declared a public enemy, and forced to kill himself while on the run.
_02:: Themistocles's Sleep Disorder Themistocles was a brilliant orator and politician, but his jealousy knew no bounds. Furious after a rival named Miltiades won a victory over the Persians at Marathon (490 BCE), he famously declared ”Miltiades' trophy does not let me sleep.” And it didn't. Not only did Themistocles force his countrymen to build the largest navy in Greece, but as an expert on both battlefield tactics and psychological warfare, he was also largely responsible for the Greek victory over the Persian navy at Salamis (479 BCE). That was hardly the end of Themistocles' jealousy, however. The ugly green monster reared its head again not long after, and he became involved in a struggle against his rival, Aristides. Unfortunately for Themistocles, allegations of political corruption led to his exile in the late 470s BCE, and the architect of Greek victory over the Persians died in Asia Minor...living off a Persian government stipend. Strange bedfellows indeed!
_03:: The Bonaparte Black Sheep It's not easy being the little brother, especially when your big sib is a self-made emperor. So it's no wonder relations between Lucien Bonaparte and brother Napoleon were often abrasive and strained. At first a supporter of Napoleon, Lucien became disillusioned by what he saw as the betrayal of the French Revolution. Unfortunately, he was sort of the Fredo Corleone of the family, being stupid enough to let a subversive pamphlet he had written fall into the hands of Napoleon's police. Obviously, it strained their relations.h.i.+p even further and made him one of the few Bonapartes who didn't end up king of something. In 1804, Lucien went into exile in Rome, and the pope named him prince of Canino, largely to annoy Napoleon. Not the brightest move. Napoleon imprisoned the pope in 1809. Lucien on the other hand was America-bound; captured by the British, he remained a prisoner for several years before returning to a comfortable, Napoleon-free retirement on the Continent.
_04:: Jealous Joe Iosif Dzhugashvili, better known to the world as Joseph Stalin, was a man of complicated psyche, but jealousy was one of his most obvious traits. During the years leading up to and following the Russian Revolution, his idol, Lenin, scorned him in favor of intellectuals such as Leon Trotsky, Lev Kamenev, Grigory Zinoviev, and Nikolay Bukharin. But when Lenin died in 1924, Stalin was quite happy to take his revenge, spending several years playing his rivals off against each other before eliminating them all in the Great Purge of the 1930s. In deciding whom to eliminate, Stalin paid particularly close attention to those whose popularity rivaled his. Of course, his private life wasn't free of jealousy, either; his fights with his second wife, Nadezhda Alliluyeva, whom he sometimes suspected of infidelity, were legendary. After one such incident in 1932, Nadezhda died of a gunshot wound; the official line is that this was a suicide, though there's no dearth of historians who suspect Stalin of pulling the trigger himself. After all, he wasn't exactly of the ”never harm a fly” mold.
Touch of Evil Some believe that ”sore loser” Richard Nixon might have been in on the plot to a.s.sa.s.sinate John F. Kennedy. The flimsy theory is based on the fact that Tricky d.i.c.k was actually in Dallas at a Pepsi-Cola board meeting mere hours before the tragic event occurred.
GLUTTONY.
7 Unusual Food Compet.i.tions 3 Delicious Animals We Charbroiled into Extinctionand 1 That Tasted Nasty but We Killed It Anyway The 5 Most Excessive Weddings in History 4 Facts about Roman Excess 3 Diets to Avoid: Religious Councils through the Ages 6 Delicacies That Make You Gag 5 Facts on Cannibalism 4 Deaths of Famous People Caused by Overindulgence in Drugs, Drink, or Dessert 5 Monarchs Who Tipped the Scales 5 Fads from the Slimming Fas.h.i.+on Industry 5 Plants Known to Cause Hysteria World's 5 Oddest Cuisines 4 Dictators with Infamous Sweet Tooths 6 Servings of Swine: The Worst Pork Barrel Politics Revealed 8 Myths from Other Cultures about G.o.ds' Strange Eating Habits 4 Pioneers of All-You-Can-Eat 3 Crazy Diets from Crazy Times 4 Presidents Who Overindulged 5 Deadly Digestive Problems 3 Philosophers Who Liked to Get Groovy Thoughts I Eat Therefore I Am:
7 Unusual Food Compet.i.tions
The Nathan's Hot DogEating Contest is only the most famous of all eating contests. And the ones on Fear Factor are only the most contrived. But if you're looking for a lesser-known chow challenge to show off your plate-cleaning prowess, these gastronomic free-for-alls might be just the place to start.
_01:: Matzo b.a.l.l.s It ain't easy keeping kosher. Especially for contestants in the Ben's New York Kosher Deli Charity Matzo BallEating Tournament. The contest is a charity fund-raiser for the Interfaith Nutrition Network sponsored by a New Yorkarea deli chain. The record holder for 2004 is Eric ”Badlands” Booker of Copaigue, Long Island, who ate 20 matzo b.a.l.l.s in five minutes and 25 seconds. If that doesn't sound like a lot, you should know that these matzo b.a.l.l.s were roughly the size of tennis b.a.l.l.s. Oy! The winner gets a trophy and a $2,500 gift certificate to a stereo store, while runners-up get various prize packages, all of which involve tickets to a New York Islanders game. Umm...all that matzo for an Islanders ticket? We're thinking we'll pa.s.s.
_02:: Live Mice The MTV show Jacka.s.s sp.a.w.ned a lot of copycat dumba.s.ses. But two hungry fellas in Brisbane, Australia, win the prize. Partic.i.p.ating in a contest at Brisbane's Exchange Hotel in which they were dared to eat a live mouse, the two men competed for a grand prize that was a vacation package worth a handsome $346. Both men chewed the tails off, and the ”winner” actually chewed his mouse whole and spit it out. Needless to say, the RSPCA, Australia's version of our own SPCA, wasn't thrilled about the stunt and got the Queensland police on the partic.i.p.ants'umtail. If caught, the winner will face fines of $75,000 and two years in the pokey. And just think how many big, fat, edible rodents must be in there!
_03:: Pickled Quail Eggs Texas may have plenty of barbecue contests and chili cook-offs, but nothing holds a candle to the Pickled-Quail-Egg-Eating Contest held annually in Grand Prairie, a town between Dallas and Fort Worth. Begun as a publicity stunt by a flea market called Traders Village, the contest determines who can down the most pickled quail eggs in 60 seconds. Quail eggs are roughly the size of a large olive, and the rules stipulate that they must be eaten one at a time. In 2003, the contest was won for the seventh straight time by Grand Prairie resident Lester Tucker, who downed 42 in a minute. So, what's the secret to old Lester's success? He swallows them whole.
_04:: Cessna 150 Yes, that's an airplane. And the guy who ate it is a French gent named Michel Lot.i.to, who goes by Monsieur Mangetout (French for ”Mr. Eats Everything.” See what he did there?). Lot.i.to engaged in the stunt to earn a place in Guinness World Records (his actual record is for Most Unusual Diet: two pounds of metal per day), but his iron stomach's downed a lot more than just a plane. He's also the proud eater of 18 bicycles, a bunch of TVs, a wooden coffin, and several supermarket shopping carts. Not to mention all the lightbulbs, razor blades, and other knickknacks he's downed on variety shows. Looking for a reason why you shouldn't try this at home (or with your home)? Well, Lot.i.to's got a natural advantage because his stomach lining is twice as thick as a normal person's. He's also aided by the fact that he's French, and the French will eat just about anything (Escargot, anyone?).
_05:: Black Pudding It's hard enough to eat a little bit of some English food, much less a lot of it. And black pudding is not a dish you want to overindulge in. But don't let the name of this delicacy fool you. This treat from northern England and Scotland isn't pudding in the yummy, creamy, Bill Cosby sense of the word. It's more like a sausage, and it contains oatmeal, onions, spices, plenty of suet, and a whole lot of pig's blood. Hence the black. In 1998, the Robert Peel pub in the English town of Bury, near Manchester, decided to start a black puddingeating contest. The first winner was Martin Brimelow, who ate nine black puddings. Though he was ahead, his victory was a.s.sured when he ate a special black pudding injected with Tabasco sauce, which counted as two.
_06:: Corned Beef and Cabbage Mo's Irish Pub in Milwaukee celebrates its very Irish heritage with dignity and cla.s.s: an annual Corned Beef and CabbageEating Contest. The winner in 2004 was Ed ”Cookie” Jarvis, a veteran eating-contest compet.i.tor (he holds 29 t.i.tles) who weighed in at an intimidating 419 pounds. Jarvis packed away over five pounds of corned beef and cabbage in 10 minutes, beating the closest compet.i.tor by almost two pounds. Need an idea of just how fast that is? He packed away his first plate in a mere 80 seconds! As in many eating contests, there are only two ways to get disqualified: cheat or puke. It's a wonder this contest wasn't followed by an unofficial Gas-X Binge-Drinking Bout.
Touch of Evil In 1990, Guinness World Records stopped listing records for gluttony or eating contests. They later ended ”heaviest pets” records, too, as demented folk were overstuffing Fido and Fluffy to try to gain entry into the book.
_07:: Vodka Sure, there are beer-drinking contests, so why not vodka-drinking contests? Well, here's why. In 2003 a bar in the southern Russian town of VolG.o.donsk decided to hold just such a compet.i.tion. After all, Russians are famous for their ability to hold their vodka, and annual consumption is over 15 liters per person. The winner would get...well, more vodka. Ten liters of it, to be exact. Sadly, the winner never got to claim his prize. After downing 1.5 liters of vodka in under 40 minutes (which is about 51 shots), the vodka champ pa.s.sed away about 20 minutes later. What about the runners-up? The five other contestants got treated to full luxury stays in intensive care. Scary enough, many of the ones who weren't hospitalized actually showed up at the same bar the next night.
”Where the Buffalo Roast”:
3 Delicious Animals We Charbroiled into
Extinctionand 1 That Tasted Nasty
but We Killed It Anyway
”Good to the last drop” proved to be a great slogan for Maxwell House coffee. But the ”Good to the last existing representation of the species” tagline hasn't worked so well for these delectable creatures. Here are four animals that prove that slow and tasty never wins the race.
_01:: The Dodo Bigger than turkeys and more naive than happy taxpayers, the dodo didn't exactly have the best survival strategy on the block. Consider the evidence. Not only was the dodo a flightless bird, it also had tiny wings, a small tuft of curly feathers on its b.u.m, and it laid only one egg a year. It's no wonder European sailors who landed on the sh.o.r.es of Mauritius in the early 16th century got a big laugh out of the clumsy bird, which, in addition to its previously lamented attributes, had absolutely no fear of man. The sailors also got quite a few meals out of the aves, even though they were said to be close to inedible (Dutch settlers called them walgvogel, or ”disgusting bird”). No matter. Pigs, rats, and monkeys introduced to the island helped man kill off the bird by 1681. Which is why there aren't any Kentucky Fried Dodos today.
_02:: The Sea Cow They were big, slow, tasty, and defenseless, all of which is a bad combination around a slew of hungry humans. A cold-water relative of the manatee and dugong, the sea cow was discovered by Europeans in 1741 when the explorer Vitus Bering and his crew were s.h.i.+pwrecked in the area between Siberia and Alaska. And since the adventurous lot couldn't really explore the land, they took to exploring their palate. Our s.h.i.+pwrecked gourmands quickly discovered that sea cow meat tasted like veal and remained fresh for a surprisingly long time. And there was a lot of meat, too, since the beasts reached as much as 26 feet in length and weighed up to 8 tons. They resembled a modern manatee, with looks like your mother-in-lawif your mother-in-law has big expressive brown eyes, a small head, external ears the size of peas, and bristling whiskers. Estimates are that only about 20% of the sea cows shot or harpooned were actually caught, but they all died. By 1768, the gentle, delicious beasts were naught but lip-smacking memories.
Just the Facts DINING WITH DIAMOND JIM BRADY (18561917) Diamond Jim began as a bellboy and ended as a fabulously wealthy railroad tyc.o.o.n, financier, and philanthropist. Now and then he had a bite to eat.