Part 4 (1/2)
I never could realise that more than half a dozen people would read my pieces Besides, I have no desire of the sort you express, for fareat deal too much for the approbation of those I love and respect, but not a fig for that of those I don't like or don't know
II
Her Character as a Teacher Letters Incidents of School-Life Religious Struggles, Aims, and Hopes Oppressive Heat and Weariness
Miss Payson had been in Richreatly endeared to Mr and Mrs Persico, and to the whole school She had a rare natural gift for teaching Fond of study herself, she kne to inspire her pupils with the sa Her e but to elicit latent powers, and to reh, it was also very gentle, helpful, and sympathetic She had a quick perception of mental diversities, saw as by intuition the weak and the strong points of individual character, and was skillful in adapting her influence, as well as her instructions, to the peculiarities of every one under her care The girls in her own special department almost idolised her The parents also of so what she was doing for their daughters, sought her acquaintance and showed her the h her school labors were exacting, she carried on a large correspondence, spent a good deal of tiether with Miss Susan Lord, the senior teacher and an old Portland friend, pursued a course of study in French and Italian At the table Mr Persico spoke French, and in this way she was enabled to perfect herself in the practice of that language Of her spiritual history and of incidents of her school life during the new year, soive her own account
RICHMOND, _January 3, 1841_
If I tell you that I a to take under irl of eleven years whoe at all, you may wonder why I found onthat if I wanted an opportunity of doing good, here was one; that if Nannie could sleep in reat benefit to her The only reason why I hesitated was the fear that she ht all along that I was living too much at my ease, and wanted a place in which to deny myself for the sake of the One who yielded up every comfort for ed at ho here She often comes and puts her arms around me and says, ”There is _one_ in this house who loves me, I do _know_” I receive her as a trust from God, with earnest prayer to Hi to night she is found fault with, and this is spoiling her te lately the Memoir of Martyn
I have, of course, read itappears to ht I rejoice that I have been led to read the book just now It has put within lory of God
_Jan13th_--I understand the feeling about wishi+ng one's self a dog, or an animal without a soul I have sat and watched a little kitten frisking about in the sunshi+ne till I could hardly help killing it in my envy--but oh, how different it is now! I have felt lately that perhaps God has so forme nearer to Himself He has intended to prepare me for His service Where that is to be is no concern ofto Him and wait for His will, whatever it h with prayer ular time for it, and hail opportunities for special seasons with such delight as I once knew nothing of So it hath for a nearer approach to the Lord Jesus than I can obtain without the use of words, and there is not a corner of the house which I can have to myself I think sometimes that I should be thankful for the meanest place in the universe You ask if I ever drea the Lord No--I never did, neither should I think it desirable; but a few days ago, when I woke, I had fresh in my re, He had spoken toof love and peace on my mind I seeing s of which I felt the need
_Jan 17th_--I did not mean to write so much about s and beings far above this world I was thinking of the hour when the Christian first enters into the joy of his Lord, when the first note of the ”new song” is borne to his ear, and the first view of the Laranted to his eye It seems to me as if the bliss of that one les he es of happiness that begin at that point! Oh, if the unseen presence of Jesus canfor joy in the midst of its sorrow and sin here, ill it be to dith Hihteen, is every week lad that you think poor Nannie well off She has an inquiring ious instruction and had not even a Bible, she is now constantly asking me questions which prove her to be a first-rate thinker and reasoner She went to the theatre last night and ca to herself, ”I shouldn't like to die in the ed o, but I would not, because I did not want her to stay away for my sake I want her to settle the question fairly in her own uided by her own conscience rather than rateful and happy that, if the sacrifice had been greater, we should be glad that we had ood, howplaced her here!
_Feb 11th_--My thoughts of serious things should, perhaps, be called prayers, rather than anything else I have constant need of looking up to God for help, so utterly weak and ignorant am I and so dependent upon Him So, I take a verse from the ”Daily Food” to think upon; at others, ifseehts of my Heavenly Father, and when it is otherwise I feel as if that ti theAll I wish is that I were always thus favored As to a hasty temper, I know that anybody who ever lived with me, until within the last two or three years, could tell you ofpassion I am ashamed to say how recently the last real tempest occurred, but I will not spareof 1838, and I did not eat anything for so long that I was ill in bed and barely escaped a fever Mother nursed ave ive myself Since then I should not wish you to suppose that I have been perfectly amiable, but for the last year I think I have been enabled in a measure to control my temper, but of that you know more than I do, as you had a fair specimen of what I am ith us last sueentle and amiable tillto-night that chapter in Mark, where it speaks of Jesus as walking on the sea, I was interested in thinking how frequently such scenes occur in our spiritual passage over the sea which is finally to land us on the shores of the ho,”
Jesus went to them upon the water and ”would have passed by” till He heard their cries, and then He , _”It is I”_ And when He came to them, the wind ceased and they ”wondered”
Surely we have often found in our toiling that Jesus was passing by and ready at the first tre fear to speak the word of love and of consolation and to give us the needed help, and then to leave us _wondering_ indeed at the infinite tenderness and kindness so unexpectedly vouchsafed for our relief
_Feb 13th_--I do not think we should le against sin I never once had such an idea
I think we should fight against sin si hateful to God, because it is so so utterly unlike the spirit of Christ, whos On all points connected with the love I wish to give my Saviour, and the service I alad to obtain assistance from any source I hardly kno to answer your question I do not have that constant sense of the Saviour's presence which I had here for a long tiht I did, but it is not always best to judge of ourselves by our feelings, but by the general principle and guiding desire of theai Of this I have thought a great deal of late I have not a very extensive sphere of action, but I want my conduct, my every word and look and motion, to be fully under the influence of this desire for the honor of God You can have no idea of the constant observation to which I am exposed here
_Feb 21st_--I spent three hours this afternoon in taking care of a little black child (belonging to the house), who is very ill, and as I as, it excited and worried me into a violent nervous headache I finished Brainerd's Life this afternoon, amid many doubts as to whether I ever loved the Lord at all, so different is my piety from that of this blessed and holy man The book has been a favorite with me for years, but I never felt the influence of his life as I have while reading it of late
She alludes repeatedly in her correspondence to the delight which she found on the Sabbath in listening to that eminent preacher and divine, the Rev Dr Wm S Plumer, as then settled in Richmond In a letter to her cousin she writes:
I have become much attached to him; he seems more than half in heaven, and every word is full of sole, as if he had just held near intercourse with God I wish that you could have listened with me to his seres froloith religious fervor ”Hoonderful is our divine Master!” she seehtful to me to speak of His love, of His holiness, of His purity, that when I try to write to those who know Him not, I hardly knohat is worthy of even a otten” And several years afterwards she refers to this period as a tiree interrupted her consciousness of God”
The following letter to a friend, whose naes, well illustrates her state ofthe entire winter
_To Miss Anna S Prentiss Richmond, Feb 26, 1841_
Your very welcome letter, my dear Anna, arrived this afternoon, and, as lad of a quiet hour in which to thank you for it I do not thank you simply because you have so soon answered my letter, but because you have told me what no one else could do so well about your own very dear self When I wrote you I doubted very ion, although I wished to do so, since that al the last year I saw you in the er, but which I conceived to be decidedly unfavorable to growth in any of the graces which make up Christian character It was not without hesitation that I ventured to yield to the pros which have at present much interest for it I can not tell you how I do rejoice that you have been led to come out thus upon the Lord's side, and to consecrate yourself to His service My own views and feelings have within the last year undergone such an entire change, that I have wished I could take now some such stand in the presence of all who have known me in days past, as this which you have taken My first and only wish is henceforth to live but for Hi affections to Himself You speak of the faintness of your heart--but ”they ait upon the Lord shall renew their strength,” and I do believe the truth of these precious words; not only because they are those of God, but also because my own experience adds happy witness to theh of hope to keep me from actual despair The least breath was sufficient to scatter it all and to leave round; thus allowing neither tiress in the Christian course I trust that you will not go through years of such unnecessary darkness and despondency There is certainly enough in our Saviour, if we only open our eyes that weof the heart; and He is willing to give it in full measure When I contemplate the character of the Lord Jesus, I am filled onder which I can not express, and with unutterable desires to yield myself and my all to His hand, to be dealt with in His oay; and His way is a blessed one, so that it is delightful to resign body and soul and spirit to Him, without a will opposed to His, without a care but to love Him more, without a sorrohich His love can not sanctify or re after Hithened; and I trust that you will find in your own happy experience that ”joy and peace” go hand in hand with love--so that in proportion to your devotion to the Saviour will be the blessedness of your life When I begin I hardly knohere to stop, and now I find un to say what I wish This will only assure you that I love you a thousand times better than I did when I did not know that your heart was filled with hopes and affections like my own, and that I earnestly desire, if Providence permits us to enjoy intercourse in this or in any other e reat truth that we are _not our own_ I pray you sorace
The more I see of the Saviour, the more I feel my oeakness and helplessness andassistance from all those who love Him Oh, how sorry I am that I have co affection, so that I ht tell you how much I love and how often I think of you
Her cousin having gone abroad, a break in the correspondence with him occurred about this time and continued for several months In a letter to her friend, Miss Thurston, dated April 21st, she thus refers to her school:
There are six of us teachers, five of them born in Maine--which is rather funny, as that is considered by most of the folks here as the place where the world cos and crows over the North, it is glad enough to get its teachers there, and ets theain We have in the school about one hundred and twenty-five pupils of all ages I never knew till I caious education exerts upon the whole future age There is such a wonderful difference betweenpeople and those in the North, that you s Mrs Persico is beautiful, intelligent, interesting, and pious Mr Persico is just as much like John Neal as difference of education and of circu sense of justice, his enthusiasm, his fun and wit, his independence and self-esteem, his tastes, too, as far as I know theree in Mr Persico
The early spring, with its profusion of flowers of every hue, so far in advance of the spring in her native State, gave her the utan to suffer The heat was very intense, and hot weather always affected her unhappily ”I feel,”