Part 34 (1/2)

”Hey, Mom? I love you.”

I think I need to tell her that more often.

I love you, too, Andre. Very much. Now, go have fun. Just be smart about it. I want you to make nineteen.

The Party Is up Jumbo Grade. The pavement ends at the first cattle guard, and the Quattro b.u.mps along the packed dirt. Why are you driving so slow?

complains Jenna.

This is a four-wheel drive, isn't it?

”It's all-wheel drive, but that doesn't mean it was built for off-roading. I don't want to tear it up.”

You should get a Hummer. That would be fun. As usual, she has already been drinking. Tequila, tonight.

”Where do you come up with all your alcohol? You can't just keep taking it from your parents.”

She laughs. No, I only take a few sips from theirs. Patrick is a tightwad. He'd definitely miss it.

It's not that hard to get guys to buy it for me, though.

I wait outside a grocery store and ask.

”Oh.” I can picture the scene clearly.

”And what do you offer them in return for helping you out?”

Nothing! Hey, are you jealous? I might flirt, but I wouldn't follow through. Once they hand it over, I say thanks. That's it. What do you think I am, anyway?

She unscrews the Cuervo, takes a long pull off the bottle, and I'm tempted to tell her too much. ”How much do you drink every day?” I want her to say it's not every day. She doesn't. I don't know.

Enough to relax me, help me sleep. Don't worry. It's under control.

Obviously It's under control enough that she has finished a pint before we even get to the party. By the time we spot the bonfire, up on a little mesa, she is starting to slur.

There it is. Hey. D'you think it's sh-safe having a fire up here? Well, she's clear enough to think about that, she's probably not too drunk. Yet.

”Considering this place was under snow not long ago, I think we'll be fine. I'll turn around and park downhill just in case, though.”

Some twenty cars are already lined up along the escape route.

I park below them, so it's a long uphill walk to join the people gathered around the fire. Most have plastic cups in their hands, filled with Budweiser from the keg someone supplied. Heavy smoke, not campfire-scented, hangs in the air. I haven't smelled weed since we moved here. Plenty of it in Oakland, though I never indulged.

Jenna, big surprise, goes straight for the group pa.s.sing the blunt. Hey, Bobby. Hey, Aubree.

She sucks in a lungful of green-smelling weed. Tries not to cough as she says, Did you hear about Sean?

His lawyer says they have enough evidence for a trial. She offers me the J. I decline, and she pa.s.ses it on to the Bobby person. Yeah, I know. He thought Coach was gonna kick him off the team, but they're letting him stay, at least until he gets convicted, if he does. You don't think Cara will actually testify against him?

I have no idea what they're talking about, and I'm starting to feel like scenery. ”Going for beer. Want one?”

Jenna rolls her eyes, meaning, ”Duh.”

I start through the sage toward the keg. As I go, I hear Bobby say, So that's the dancer? What do you see in him?

Aren't all guy dancers, like, gay?

Everyone laughs, and I'm glad I'm gone, though I might like to be a mosquito on Bobby's arm.

A big mosquito, proboscis jammed deeply into an artery.

Except, wait. That sounds vaguely gay.

Suddenly It Occurs To Me That not only has Jenna talked about me, she considers me a dancer. Have I been labeled? Branded?

I fill two cups, return to the group, hand Jenna her beer.

Don't think she needs it. Between the dope and the tequila, she is weaving. I put an arm around her shoulders to steady her. ”You okay?”

She nods, but doesn't look so hot. I pull her closer, put my mouth against her ear. ”We can leave if you want.”

Bobby shoots me with a jealous glare.

So ... dancer. Thanks for loaning me your girl the other night.

”The other night? Wha ...” Before he can clarify, Jenna jerks forward and in one gigantic heave, up comes dinner.

Cara

One Gigantic Heave Of planet, one ma.s.sive yank of gravity, one magmatic tidal wave.

The ground shakes.

A silent pa.s.sing, moon bold in rotation, a shadowy eclipse.

The sun disappears.

Kiss meets kiss, a mist of eloquence, a gathering of storm clouds.

The rain begins to fall.

A lift of hips, upwelling in the belly. A torrent in the V of opened thighs.

The earth moves.

Other People Have always seen me as strong.