Part 24 (1/2)

Go inside to wait for Sean, feeling great.

Unbelievably In through the door walks Conner, surrounded by a group of people I've never seen before. He's with a kind of cute guy, a rude-looking girl, a twentysomething woman, and one who is older than that, all dressed up in business-type clothes. They head straight for the bathrooms. Conner, who hasn't seen me, waits outside the doors for the rest of them. My heart tumbles into my mostly empty stomach. I have to say something. Like what? That I hate him for what he did? That I still love him, and always will? Oh G.o.d.

I go over, wanting to touch him, but afraid if I do he'll disappear. And out of my mouth spills, ”Hey, Conner.

I heard you tried to die. That right?”

h.e.l.lo, Kendra. He turns on one heel to face me. Stiff as a fresh corpse- and why did I have to think that? Guess I did. Next time I'll have to try harder.

I can feel my face turn white.

”Don't say that! Believe it or not, a few people care about you.

One or two of us even love you.”

His eyes cloud with... disbelief?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

”There's Sean. Gotta go. Hope to see you again soon, Conner. Give me a call, if you want to. I'm a good listener.”

I turn my back as he joins his friends.

Sean

Back Turned You don't have to look at what you've left behind.

And the person who first turned their back on you can't watch you break down and cry. Never allow an enemy to see weakness in you.

Go for the throat.

Shoot for the groin.

Don't let your loss yesterday redefine who you are.

Fight the good fight.

Today is your day to win.

Fighting Depression Is hard when you have no real reason to fight it. Why pretend everything is fine when everything pretty much sucks? Two weeks since the blowup with Cara, you'd think I'd accept it.

Move on. But all I do when I'm alone is think about the good times with her.

I've tried to talk to her. Tried to figure out exactly when everything went to h.e.l.l. It wasn't the night we had s.e.x.

It started before. I can see that now. But what started it? The more I try to figure that out, the more frustrated I become. I work out, to keep my frustration in check.

But once I'm done, anger beaten down by reps upon reps, I am muscle sore and heart-emptied. I have no one to talk to about it.

Okay, I did a fair amount of screaming on Facebook.

Heat of the moment is all.

What good did it do, except to make me feel validated for a little while? One thing I learned. Cara's so-called friends aren't really friends at all. The only one who had nothing awful to say about her was Kendra. Not that she exactly stood up for her, but at least she didn't trash her. I've got to respect her for that.

Her Call Surprised Me But, hey, I was just sitting here, alone in the vacuum that is my room. Getting out for a while sounds good. Anyway, Kendra is pretty cute, if a little on the skinny side. Going to the movies with her, no strings attached, might Band-Aid my injured ego.

And maybe word will get back to Cara. Wouldn't that be fun? She would be upset, wouldn't she?

'Cause if I found out she's been seeing some guy behind my back, I would have to take matters into my own hands.

And it definitely wouldn't be pretty for that guy. Or for her.

I Get To The Theater A few minutes after two.

Through the big gla.s.s doors, I can see Kendra, talking to some guy....

Holy s.h.i.+t. It's Conner.

By the time I get my ticket and go inside, he has hooked up with some strange people, including one majorly hot lady, who looks to be about thirty-five. d.a.m.n that Conner.

Not only does he have a thing for older women, they seem to have a thing for him. At least, that one does. She takes his arm, leads him away. Whispers something into his ear that makes him laugh. But I have to say, he looks uncomfortable.

Maybe because of Kendra.

She wanders up, all weird and shaky. Hey. Thanks for coming.

Guess you saw who I was talking to. He looks better, right? She sways a little, and I think I might have to catch her. ”I suppose. But since he was, like, bleeding out when he went to the hospital, he'd almost have to look better. Come to think of it, though, he looked well enough to be back in school.

Why isn't he? And who were those people he was with?”

I don't know. She sighs. But I'm not sure which question she doesn't have the answer to. The movie's going to start.

Do you want some popcorn?

Does That Mean She's Buying?

I'm kind of afraid to joke with her, so I won't ask.

She's sad, seeing Conner.

I guess I understand.