Vol 1 Chapter 4 (1/2)
Chapter 04
Road to the Creator
Part One
The exit was blocked I could see no hope There was nothing I could
do And because of some stupid daydream about the NHK as the evil
organization that controls the world, I had lost even the means to divert
myself
It was a spring of unending, depressive anxiety for me—the kind of
spring that made me want to imitate Vincent Gallo in Buffalo 66
Entering the bathrooo
on living”
I need to die
Today was already different froh
So had happened earlier
After waking up at one in the afternoon, I found an unfamiliar slip
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of paper in theit up, I examined it
It was the resumé that I had written several days earlier for the parttime
job at the a café I had written it for that particular job
application, a et completely
Why? Why was it in my mail slot?
I hurried next door to Yamazaki's apartment
Yaain Seated at his
coame
I asked, ”Did a religious solicitor come by today?”
”Hot some of those
pamphlets I just love the word-for-word translation Why? Didn't they
go to your apartment, too, Satou?”
I suddenly saw the frightening truth behind Yamazaki's testimony
Apparently, I had left a café I could no
longer remember if it had fallen from my pocket or if I automatically had
handed it to Misaki Because of the massive shock, my memories of that
moment were muddled
Only one thing was certain: While ious rounds,
Misaki had gone out of her way to bring me the resumé In other words,
when I had asked, ”Do you like bikes?” in a clumsy effort to conceal that
I had, indeed, come to apply for a part-time job, I had failed utterly
Realizing this, nothing at all seemed to matter anymore When humans
run into an extre circumstance, it seems their
eo numb
”Who cares?” I whispered, heading to the trash can to throay
the paper As I did, the back of the resue
ritten there in black ballpoint pen: ”You have been selected join my
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project Please, coht at nine o'clock”
Eh? My mouth had fallen open as I squatted in front of the trash can
Now, objectively considering it, I saw that this was an earthshattering
situation I had received a irl I had
met twice Really, it was so incredibly incomprehensible that I had no
idea at all as going on So, I obediently went along with it
The park was only a two-minute walk from my apartment It was
already night The roadside trees grew at even intervals There was the
old jungle gy
streetlights in front of the swings, illu with a dim
blue glow I liked this park
On my weekly, nocturnal supply trips to the convenience store, I
always ed to me alone
I enjoyed the cool night breeze Seated on the bench, if I looked up at
the sky, I could see the faintly waving branches of the trees and, through
them, the moon and the stars It was a place to relax and release my
worries
Tonight, the park wasn't just h Someone
else was there
I didn't call out In fact, my stomach felt hollow
What are you trying to do? What are you thinking? Who on Earth are
you? These questions accoe, yet my mind
rehtsin
an orderlyout of control
This nation Perhaps I had finally
accepted my current situation It holly possible I had quietly
admitted to myself that I was a hikikomori, a person with no future,
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someone who should just die Yes, that had to be the explanation
Lately I had been living in the past Every night, I drea
ago: the hos I hadn't liked,
things that had ments of
all these things My nightly dreaentle and melancholy
Indeed, the future had ceased to be a problem It already had been
decided, which was precisely why I needed to exist in the past—in my
wonderful, co memories While this was obviously an extreme
form of backward escapism, I didn't care anymore
Yes, that's right I am a hikikomori, a worthless person with a weak spirit
Is that a problem? Just leave me alone, and I'll disappear quietly I'm fine! It's
all over!
”No, no, no” I sat on the bench, head in hands
”'No,' what?” the girl inquired She was rocking in one of the swings
near the bench Her alhtly in the
wind Tonight, too, she was dressed like an average teenage girl—no
parasol, no paious atmosphere
However, I forbade uard More than
anything about her, the very strangeness of the situation spoke vividly of
how truly odd she was I had to deal with her calmly, but with total
caution
Right then and there, I decided to think of her as an ASIMO, the
bipedal robot developed by Honda If I did that, it would keep me on an
even keel Why not? Nowadays, robot technology is really co No
matter how I examine it, it looks exactly like a person
Rocking slightly back and forth in the swing, the robot asked, ”Why
did you run away earlier? We're short-staffed right now and could really
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58
use the help We would have decided to hire you right away”
Wow! The voice output was perfect, too The joints s
extending flexibly from its skirt japans technical skill truly is the best in the
world, isn't it?
”Seeing as you're a hikiko in the
outside world and reconsider halfway through your application?” She
drove right to the heart of the h, they were just
a robot's words No et
that angry
The robot continued to say even s ”Don't
worry I kno to escape fro a hikikomori”
”What the hell are you talking about?” I finally reacted to her words
”Satou, right? Well, you're really a hikikomori, aren't you?”
Instead of in
hanging over the park entrance It warned, ”Beware of perverts! Young
girls have been continually targeted,” in caustic red paint
I said, ”Are you sure it's all right to meet a shady person like me at
this tierous”
”It's okay My house is right over there, so I know all kinds of things
For instance, you're always spacing out in this park on Sunday nights,
right? I saw you from my ”
Having come this far, I was pretty anxious about all this I couldn't
figure out what she wanted Her real motives remained a mystery, and
nothing seeious
solicitation?
”No, it's not I' to help Auntie Kazuko”
“Huh?”
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”Because I'ured it's the least I could do
to repay her”
I didn't understand what she was talking about, but she continued
our aard conversation as we both stared at the streetlamps
”Anyway, none of that matters Satou, don't you want to know? About
how to escape fro a hikikomori?”
”Don't call me Satou I'm older than you”
”You know e?”
”Well, you look about seventeen, hteen”
”You're absolutely right!”
Gathering htly The
display of energy seeht have been my
ih After she landed, she came over to where I sat on
the bench and looked straight aton
her knees, she said, ”You want to kno to escape, right? I'll teach
you”
Once again, the same unnecessarily cute smile that I'd seen before
floated across her face I was unable to think of her as a successor to the
ASIMOaway, I whispered, ”I'm not a
hikikomori”
”Liar How can you say that even though you coave it
ahen Auntie tried talking to you the other day? Even though you
ran ahen you realized it was a café? Normal, people
don't do stuff like that”
”Hey!” I sputtered
”You're scared, right? Of other people?”
As I lifted e pupils
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Gazing into those eyes, I was at a loss for words
In the end, without saying anything, I looked away again
Suddenly, I realized that so the way, the wind had
started blowing harder Over our heads, the branches of the trees were
stirring It was a chilly night
I decided to go back to , I turned my back
on her From behind me, she tried to stop me ”Wait!” she called, ”You'll
regret this”
”What are you talking about? For starters, who are you, anyway?”
”I'irl who helps worthless hikikomori”
'And what's this 'project' that you mentioned in your letter?”
”At the current juncture, details of the project are top secret
However, you can rest assured that I won't do anything bad”
I started feeling sick, so I decided to tell a suitable lie and just get
away froular hikikomori, you know
It's true that I shut myself away, but it's for my job I have to”
”What's your job?”
”S-SOHO”
”What's that?”
”It's short for 'someone orks from home' I work from my
apartmentor rather, h
I'm definitely a shut in, it's part of my job description, and I can't do
anything about that! Trying to get a part-time job was just a momentary
miscalculation on my part”
”Huh Really? What kind of work do you do?”
”D-don t be surprised when you hear this I'ht,
I thought, marvel at my job title! ”Because I do creative work, I may act a
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bit psychologically unusual, but that only proves my incredible talent!
I'uy!”
Misaki grinned and casually asked, ”What are you creating?”
”That isyou knohat do you call it, the latest, revolutionary
infory I can't really explain it in one word”
”Well, let me knohen you've finished what you're currently
working on, okay?”
”N-no, I can't do that It's privileged infore
Not to mention that we have tons of money invested in this project, so I
can't just give it away so easily”Just as I had begun to wish for death
due to the thorough stupidity of the lines I was giving her, Misaki turned
away
”It was a waste, huh? I did offer to show you how to escape, after all”
She really seemed to think this lost opportunity was unfortunate In a
lohisper, she said, ”Even though you'll never have this chance
again”
Only her outline was faintly visible against the backlighting
provided by the streetlamps
I was a littleno, fairly excited
My bad habit pro ”It seems you doubt
what I'h A young
girl like you probably wouldn't be aware of this, but I'm sort of well
knoithin the industry Yeah, when I see you next time, I'll tell you
all about it About my work You'll be really surprised! You'll respect
me!”
Why did I say, ”when I see you next time”? What did I mean by ”my
work”? Why did I always broadcast these lies, all of which easily could be
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disproved? I could just be honest and say, ”I'm a jobless hikikomori!”
Why was I indulging in this strange pride over such weird things?
Whatever It didn't et out of
there fast before I dug myself in any deeper ”W-well then, see you!”
Uncertainly, I headed toward the park exit Behind ht
have , but I couldn't hear the words
Part Two
Back at hbor ”Yamazaki,
how can one become a creator?”
”Huh? What's this, all of a sudden?”
”I have to becoht away You're a student at the
Yoyogi Animation Institute, aren't you? Don't you know a lot about that
kind of stuff?”
”No Well, I guess I do Are you serious?”
”I' will do Just tell me
how I can becoht away! Please?”
”I' up Come over”
The shock of the situation had been enough to force
hbor It was the first phone call I'd made in months
”When I see you next time, I'll tell you all about my work” Only a few
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63
minutes earlier, I actually had said this I had inflated my chest with
pride and preposterously said this aloud When I see you next
I suspected that this would not be far in the future Misaki seemed to
live nearby I ht even run across her in town, completely by chance
By that tie, incredibly stupid lie into reality I
needed to become a true creator What was a creator, anyway? What is
it?
Yamazaki, seated at his computer as usual, condensed my situation