Vol 1 Chapter 3 (2/2)
“The industry has made great profits, you know, Miyuki-chan?”
“That’s the sole relief.”
“THAT AIN’T NO RELIEF! PEOPLE COMPETING OVER SOME BENCHMARKS AREN’T EVEN OJOU-SAMAS YOU’D EXPECT IN A BUTLER CAFÉ ANYMORE!”
“We uneasily watched our many graduates turning into people beyond return (from the internet), and thus decided to alter this school’s curriculum. For example, the university department for seniors had the idea to change the contents of the ‘Graduation Practice ~First television viewing~’ from ‘Okaa-san to *sho’ to the radical ‘Pytha*ra Switch’[3]. However, some said ‘Isn’t Pyt*agora Switch going a bit too far?’ and differing opinions emerged which created a divide between the members.”
“We even started to use the ‘Precure’ homepage for internet practice as a graduation curriculum, things like that, you know?”
“Headmistress. This reminds me that a problem has come to light with the users of that homepage’s forum.”
“Oh dear, what’s happened?”
“Stop! There’s too many things to Tsukkomi to!”
“These days, the gap between the outside world and Seikain has become too big, hasn’t it?”
The headmistress nonchalantly said.
Following up on what they’ve just said, have the ojou-samas here never even TV or used the internet before?
I’ve come to an amazing place… I shuddered once again.
“——And as a part of the revisioning, you were summoned, too.”
“Me…?”
Kaijou-san nodded.
“After graduation, although they may be young maiden’s raised in the upper echelons, the world they go out to is one that they haven’t had any experience with. To avoid a serious shock at that time, it is imperative that they grow ‘immune’ to it.”
“On the other hand, if we overdo it we get our priorities backwards, right?”
“For this reason, we’ve discussed the best method to overcome the problems at hand. While keeping the traditions of this school in mind, we wondered how much change we could allow for the utmost betterment of the students. Hence…”
“We decided to invite one person from the ma.s.ses.”
The headmistress took over.
“Getting a chance to talk about the world and studying together, ‘Isn’t that just the best way for them to get used to the real world?’ or so we thought. And if it’s with a guy, then that’s killing two birds with one stone♪”
“Also, having an extremely low immunity to the opposite s.e.x caused occasional problems. In order to settle that issue…”
She pointed at me.
“You were selected to be our school’s—— [Commoner Sample].”
“…………”
…So far, I understood their reasoning.
“But why me…?”
“‘Kagurazaka Kimito. Born October 6th. Age 15. First-year at a public high school.’”
She started reading out loud from a file she had brought with her from somewhere.
“‘Entrance Examination results were roughly average. Other entries on this are also average. Hobby is cooking and has a diligent nature. Known as an obliging person, and in middle school received the nickname ‘Sebastian’.’”
Uwa, they seriously investigated me.
“‘His scores from evaluating his virtues as a [commoner] make him eligible to be a sample. And above all else—— he possesses one overwhelmingly excellent trait that the other contenders lacked.’”
Eh? Do I really have something like that?
“‘That is…’”
W-What could it be… (waku~waku[4])
“‘He is attracted to men.’”
“Wha—?!”
“In addition, he feels no s.e.xual arousal from anything besides macho bodies, a so-called muscle fetish. He is a serious h.o.m.ose——”
“HOLD IIIIIIIIIIT!!”
“What is it?”
“WHO ARE YOU SAYING HAS A MUSCLE FETISH?!”
“Am I mistaken?”
“Just what made you think that?!”
“‘Does not have any contact with women on a regular basis and always spends time together with men.’”
“…Don’t make those a.s.sumptions from just that!!”
“The deciding factor was the testimony of your childhood friend Hanae Eri. A maid disguised as a student confirmed your orientation with a, ‘Yep. Sure is,’ from her.”
“This dam—!”
“I was mistaken when I called you a himote earlier. I have to correct myself, allow me to apologize.”
“Don’t do that!!”
I refuted her with all my strength.
“In any case, it’s a misunderstanding!!”
“…So you’re saying this ‘muscle fetish’ part is a mistake then?”
“That’s right!”
“So when I supplied you with a macho man to relieve some of the stress of the sudden travel, that was a mistake?”
“So that was the reasoning behind that torture?!”
“…That’s not good.”
The headmistress’ face darkened.
“Yes. This is an exceedingly grave state of affairs.”
“…What’s the matter?”
“Kagurazaka-sama. We’ve given sufficient explanation that this is a special girls school, correct?”
“Yeah… I don’t mind to leave, of course. Rather, I’d like to go home as quickly as——”
“If you don’t have a muscles fetish, then we will either have to make you live on another ‘not appearing on any map’ place for the rest of your life in order to protect the secrecy of this school, or, if you wish to stay here instead, we must protect the chast.i.ty of the young ladies and cut off your—”
“I REALLY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE MUSCLES!!”
“Hearing that gives me peace of mind.”
“How fortunate that Kagurazaka-kun likes men.”
“You are mistaken, Headmistress. He loves macho men. He’s limited to muscles only.”
…It’s been a while since I’ve really wanted to cry.
“Ah, by the way, Kagurazaka-kun, your transfer here’s already done, okay?”
“A member of our staff has also explained everything to your family. As compensation, your house will receive a large scale renovation.”
“Looks like your bath will be turned into an outdoor hot spring. Isn’t that nice?”
…It’s not nice at all!!
I can’t even go in there!!
Translator notes and references
[1]Parody of “Seventeen Year Old Religion”, founded by a famous voice actress Inoue Kikuko, the religion only admits followers who are over 17 years and 156 months old (meaning 30 years old). A follower always introduces themselves as “seventeen years old.”
[2]A term certain j.a.panese men give themselves, basically means ‘unpopular’ with the opposite s.e.x.
[3]j.a.panese TV shows for children, Okaa-san to Issho & Pythagora Switch.
[4]Onomatopaeia for excitement/heart thumping.
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