Part 100 (2/2)
”His is a general case,” replied Sparkle, ”and is only one among numerous others, to prove that many of the disorders which are daily visible in high life, may be traced to the education, or rather the want of education of the youthful n.o.bility and gentry. It would be a shocking and insupportable degradation to send a sprig of fas.h.i.+on to school among common boys, where probably he might learn something really useful. No, no,--he must have a private tutor, who is previously instructed to teach him nothing more than what will enable him to pa.s.s muster, as not quite a fool. Under this guidance, he skims over a few authors almost without reading, and at all events without knowing what they have written, merely with a view to acquaint him that there were once such persons in existence; after which, this tutor accompanies him to one of the public schools, Westminster, Harrow, or Eton, where the tutor writes his thesis, translates the cla.s.sics, and makes verses for him, as well as he is able. In the new situation, the scholar picks up more of the frailties of the living, than he does of the instructions of departed characters. The family connections and the power of purse, with which the students are aided, embolden them to a.s.sume an unbounded license, and to set at complete defiance all sober rules and regulations; and it may be justly remarked that our public seminaries are admirably situated for the indulgence of their propensities: for instance, Westminster School is fortunately situated in the immediate neighbourhood of a famous place of instruction called Tothill (vulgarly Tuttle) Fields, where every species of refined lewdness and debauchery, and manners the most depraved, are constantly exhibited; consequently they enjoy the great advantages of learning the slang language, and of hearing prime chaunts, rum glees, and kiddy catches, in the purest and most bang up style. He has likewise a fine opportunity of contracting an unalterable penchant for the frail sisterhood, blue ruin, milling, c.o.c.k fighting, bull and badger baiting, donkey racing, drinking, swearing, swaggering, and other refined amus.e.m.e.nts, so necessary to form the character of an accomplished gentleman.”
~~338~~~ ”Again, Harrow School is happily so near to the metropolis, as to afford frequent opportunities for occasional visits to similar scenes of contagion and fas.h.i.+onable dissipation, that the scholars do not fail to seek advantages of taking lessons in all those delectable sciences.
”Eton, it is true, is somewhat farther removed from the nursery of improvement, but it is near enough to Windsor, of which place it is not necessary to say much, for their Baccha.n.a.lian and Cyprian orgies, and other fas.h.i.+onable festivities, are well known. So that notwithstanding they are not in the immediate vicinity of the metropolis, there can scarcely be a doubt of their being able to sport their figures to advantage, whenever they are let loose upon society.
”Cambridge is but a short distance from that place of sporting notoriety, Newmarket, consequently it is next to impossible but that a youth of an aspiring mind should be up to all the manouvres of a race course--understanding betting, hedging off, crossing and jostling, sweating and training--know all the jockeys--how to give or take the odds--lay it on thick, and come it strong. Some have an unconquerable ambition to distinguish themselves as a whip, sport their t.i.ts in tip top style, and become proficients in buckish and sporting slang--to pitch it rum, and astonish the natives--up to the gab of the cad. They take upon themselves the dress and manners of the Varment Club, yet noted for the appearance of their prads, and the dexterity with which they can manage the ribbons, and, like Goldfinch, pride themselves on driving the long coaches--'mount the box, tip coachee a crown, dash along at full speed, rattle down the gateway, take care of your heads--never kill'd but one woman and a child in all my life--that's your sort.'”
”Fine pictures of a University Education,” said Tom, ”but Sparkle always was a good delineator of real character; and there is one thing to be said, he has been an eye witness of the facts, nay a partaker of the sports.”
”True,” continued Sparkle, ”and, like many others, have had something like enjoyment in them too.”
”Aye, aye, no doubt of that,” said Bob, dryly,--”but how does it happen that you have omitted Oxford altogether?”
~~339~~~ ”Nay,” said Sparkle, ”there is not much difference in any of them. The students hate all learning but that which they acquire in the brothel, the ring, or the stable.
They spend their terms somehow or other in or near the University, and their vacations at Jackson's Rooms in London; so that they know nothing more of mathematics than sufficient to calculate odds and chances. This, however, depends upon the wealth of the parties; for notwithstanding there are some excellent statutes by which they ought to be guided, a n.o.bleman or wealthy commoner is indulged according to his t.i.tles or riches, without any regard to the rules and regulations in such cases made and provided.
”From this situation they are at length let loose, thoroughly accomplished in every thing but what they ought to know. Some make their appearance as exquisites or dandies--a sort of indescribable being, if being such things may be called. Others take the example of the bang ups--make themselves perfect in milling, swearing, greeking, talking flash, and mail coach driving, until John Doe and Richard Roe drive them into Abbot's preserve, a circ.u.mstance which puts a temporary check upon the sports--though if the Collegian is but up to the logic, he is very soon down upon the coves his creditors,{1} bowls them out by hara.s.sing expenses, and walks out himself, up to snuff, and fly.”
1 Bowls them out by hara.s.sing expenses.--A proof of the power which has been exercised under the existing Insolvent Debtor's Act, will be found in the following extract from a daily paper:--
An unfortunate debtor was opposed in the Insolvent Debtors'
Court, for having resisted particular creditors with vexatious law proceedings, sham pleas, &c. The public is not generally aware of the extent to which such vexatious resistance can be carried. In the investigations that have taken place before a Committee of the House of Commons, on the subject of insolvent debtors, Mr. Thomas Clarke, (at the time clerk of the Court,) stated, that in a debtor's book he found a paper, 'wherein it was pointed out to debtors how to hara.s.s creditors.' He had heard, he said, that it was sold from one prisoner to another, in a printed form, for 6d.
each. That witness then delivered to the committee a book, from which the following extract was read,--it is extracted from the Parliamentary Report:--
'Law proceedings.--When arrested and held to bail, and after being served with a declaration, you may plead a general issue, which brings you to trial the sooner of any plea that you can put in; but if you want to vex your plaintiff, put in a special plea; and, if in custody, get your attorney to plead in your name, which will cost you 1L. 1s., your plaintiff, 31L. as expenses. If you do not mean to try the cause, you have no occasion to do so until your plaintiff gets judgment against you; he must, in the term after you put in a special plea, send what is termed the paper book, which you must return with 7s. 6d. otherwise you will not put him to half the expenses. When he proceeds, and has received a final judgment against you, get your attorney to search the office appointed for that purpose in the Temple, and when he finds that judgment is actually signed, he must give notice to the plaintiff's attorney to attend the master to tax his costs, at which time your attorney must have a writ of error ready, and give it to the plaintiffs attorney before the master, which puts him to a very great expense, as he will have the same charges to go over again. The writ of error will cost you 4L. 4s. If you want to be further troublesome to your plaintiffs, make your writ of error returnable in Parliament, which costs you 8L. 8s. and your plaintiff 100/. Should he have the courage to follow you through all your proceedings, then file a bill in the Exchequer, which will cost about 5L. or 6L.; and if he answers it, it will cost him 80L. more. After this you may file a bill in Chancery, which will cost about 10L.; and if he does not answer this bill, you will get an injunction, and at the same time an attachment from the court against him, and may take his body for contempt of court, in not answering your last bill. You may file your bill in the Court of Chancery, instead of the Exchequer, only the latter costs you the least. If you are at any time served with a copy of a writ, take no further notice of it than by keeping it; when you are declared against, do not fail to put in a special plea immediately, and most likely you will hear no more of the business, as your plaintiff will probably not like to incur any further expense, after having been at so much.'
Thus a creditor may be put to an expense of three hundred and fourteen pounds, by a debtor, for the small cost of 30L.
10s. and all because the laws allowed him to sue for his own; and if he and his attorney do not keep a sharp look out, the creditor may get committed for 'contempt of court.'
~~341~~~ ”I perceive,” said Tom, ”that your imagination is flying away from your subject; though I admit the justice of your remarks, as generally applicable to what is termed the higher ranks of society, and that they are imitated or aped in succession to those of the lower orders; but we appear to have imperceptibly got into a long descriptive conversation, instead of pursuing our usual plan of drawing inferences from actual observation. Let us forth and walk awhile.”
”With all my heart,” said Sparkle, ”I see you wish to change the subject: however, I doubt not there will be a time when you will think more seriously, and act more usefully.”
”Upon my life you are growing sentimental.”
”Never mind,” said Bob, ”keep your spirits up.”
”The world's a good thing, oh how sweet and delicious The bliss and delight it contains; Devil a pleasure but fortune crams into our dishes, Except a few torments and pains.
Then wine's a good thing, the dear drink's so inviting, Where each toper each care sweetly drowns; Where our friends we so cherish, so love and delight in, Except when we're cracking their crowns.”
By the time Bob had concluded his verse, they were on the move, and taking their direction through St. James's-street, turning the corner of which,--”there,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, ”that is the celebrated Lord Shampetre, of whose name and character you have before heard.”
”Indeed,” said Bob. ”Well, I must say, that if I met him in the street, I should have supposed him to be an old clothesman.”
<script>