Part 101 (1/2)
”Hush,” said Sparkle, ”don't be too severe in your observations, for I have been given to understand his Lords.h.i.+p has expressed his indignation upon a former occasion at such a comparison; though I must acknowledge it is not altogether an unjust one; and if exalted, I beg pardon, I mean popular characters, will force themselves into public notice by their follies, their vices or their eccentricities, they can have no right to complain.”
~~342~~~ ”And pray,” said the Hon. Tom Dashall, ”where is one to be found who has made himself more conspicuous than the one in question, and especially by a very recent occurrence. The fas.h.i.+onable world is full of the subject of his amatory epistles to the sister of a celebrated actress,{1} and her very 'commodious mother;' but I dare say
1 To elucidate the subject here alluded to, we cannot do better than give insertion to the following police report:--
PERFIDY AND PROFLIGACY OF A PEER!
Bow Street.--An application was lately made for a warrant to apprehend Miss B., the sister of a celebrated actress, for stealing some chimney ornaments and China cups and saucers.
The application was made by the mother of the accused, in consequence of her having eloped, and with a view to reclaim her before her ruin should be consummated. The warrant was granted, and in a short time the fair delinquent was led in, resting on the arm of a Mr. B., well known in the fas.h.i.+onable circles. Mr. C. a solicitor, appeared with the mother, and the property found by the officer; the mother identified it, and stated, that she should be happy to forego the charge, on her daughter consenting to return to her home. The magistrate then called on the accused for her defence, when she a.s.serted that the articles were her own, purchased with money given to her by her friends. In corroboration, she called the servant, who spoke to a conversation, in which Mrs. B. blamed her daughter for spending her money so foolishly; and declared that the things were always considered to belong to the daughter, and were given up without the slightest objection when she applied for them in the name of Miss B. This statement produced a desultory conversation, which was terminated by the solicitor remarking, that the princ.i.p.al object, the return of Miss B., had been lost sight of. Mr. B. then said, he had paid for the education and every charge of Miss B.
for the last two years. He challenged inquiry into his conduct, which would be found to have arisen from the most honourable feelings, when he should prove that Miss B. had sought his protection from the persecution of Lord P., who had been sanctioned in his dishonourable overtures by her mother. When personal insult had been used, she fled to him; he hired lodgings and a trusty servant for her. A number of Lord P.'s letters were then read, which abounded in vicious ideas, obscenities, and gross figures sketched with the pen.
Miss B., then in tears, stated, that she had been shut up with Lord P. with her mother's knowledge, when indecent attacks were made by him upon her on a sofa; and that her mother urged her to become his mistress, saying she should have an allowance of 500L. a-year. The mother strongly denied these a.s.sertions, and, after the magistrate had animadverted on the alleged disgraceful conduct of the mother, if true, the affair was settled by Miss B. (only 16,) being put under the care of a female friend, agreeable to both parties, Mr. B. to pay all the expenses.
Having thus given an account of the affair, as related in most of the daily papers, we think it right to add the following by way of elucidation.
The young lady is Miss B--rt--l--zzi, daughter of a late cele-brated engraver of that name, and younger sister of an actress on the boards of Old Drury, who has obtained great notoriety for a pretty face, a roving eye, a fine set of teeth, a mellow voice, and an excessive penchant for appearing before the public in breeches--Macheath and Don Giovanni to wit. 'Mr. B.,' the gentleman under whose protection she is living, or rather was living, is a gentleman of large West India possessions, who some time ago immortalized himself in a duel about a worthless woman, with Lord C--If--d, in which duel he had the honour of sending his lords.h.i.+p to his account with all his 'imperfections on his head.' The third party, 'Lord P.,' is a n.o.bleman, whose chief points are a queer-shaped hat, long s.h.i.+rt sleeves, exquisitely starched, very white gloves, a very low cabriolet, and a Lord George Gordon-ish affectation of beard. We do not know that he is distinguished for any thing else. For the fourth party--the young lady's mamma, she is,-- what she is; a rather elderly personage, remarkably commodious, very discreet, 'and all that sort of thing.'
We could not help admiring her commodiousness when she accompanied Lord P. and her daughter to Drury-lane Theatre, the last time the King was there. It was almost equal to his Lords.h.i.+p's a.s.siduity, and the young lady's _ennui_.
~~343~~~ his Lords.h.i.+p is displeased with no part of the eclat, except the quiz that his liberal offer of 500. would be about 25. per annum, or 9s. 7d. a week--a cheap purchase of a young lady's honour, and therefore a good bargain.”
”I believe,” continued Sparkle, ”there is little about him, either as to person or to character, which ent.i.tles him to occupy more of our time, which may be better devoted to more agreeable and deserving subjects.”
”Apropos,” said Dashall, taking Sparkle at his word, ”do you observe a person on the other side of the way with a blue nose and a green coat, cut in the true jockey style, so as to render it difficult to ascertain whether he is a gentleman or a gentleman's groom? That is Mr.
Spankalong, who has a most unconquerable attachment to grooms, coachmen, and stable a.s.sistants; whose language and manners it is one of the princ.i.p.al studies of his life to imitate. He prides himself on being a good driver of four in hand, and tickling the t.i.ts along the road in a mail carriage, is the _ne plus ultra_ of his ambition. He will take a journey of an hundred miles out of town, merely to meet and drive up a mail coach, paying for his own pa.s.sage, and feeing the coachmen for their permission. Disguised in a huge white coat, with innumerable capes and mother o'pearl b.u.t.tons, he seats himself on the box--Elbows square, wrists pliant--all right--Hayait--away they go. He takes his gla.s.s of gin and bitters on the ~~344~~~ road--opens the door for the pa.s.sengers to get in--with 'now my masters--you please;' and seems quite as much at home as Mr. Matthews at the Lyceum, with 'all that sort of thing, and every thing in the world.' He is, however, not singular in his taste, for many of our hereditary statesmen are to be found among this cla.s.s, save and except that he carries his imitations to a farther extent than any person I ever knew; and it is a fact, that he had one of his fore teeth punched out, in order to enable the n.o.ble aspirant to give the true coachman's whistle, and to spit in a Jehu-like manner, so as to project the saliva from his lips, clear of the cattle and traces, into the hedge on the near side of the road.”
”Accomplishments that are truly deserving the best considerations of a n.o.ble mind,” rejoined Tallyho.
”And absolutely necessary to the finished gentleman of the present day, of course,” continued Sparkle; ”and as I have not had a lounge in these Corinthian regions for some little time, I am glad to be thus furnished with a key to characters that may be new to me.”
”There is one on the opposite side of the way not altogether new, as he has made some noise in the world during his time--I mean the gentleman whose features exhibit so much of the rouge--it is the celebrated Sir George Skippington, formerly well known in Fop's Alley, and at the Opera; not so much on account of his elegant person, lively wit, or polished address, as for his gallantries, and an extraordinary affectation of dress, approaching very nearly to the ridiculous, the chief part of his reputation being derived from wearing a pea-green coat, and pink silk stockings: he has, however, since that time become a dramatic writer, or at least a manufacturer of pantomime and shew; and--ah, but see--speaking of writers--here we have a Hook, from which is suspended a certain scandalous Journal, well known for its dastardly attacks upon private character, and whose nominal conductors are at this moment in durance vile; but a certain affair in the fas.h.i.+onable way of defaulting, has brought him down a peg or two. His ingenuity has been displayed on a variety of occasions, and under varying circ.u.mstances.
His theatrical attempts have been successful, and at Harrow he was called the Green Man, in consequence of his affected singularity of wearing a complete suit of clothes of that colour. He appears to act at all times upon the favourite recommendation of Young Rapid, 'keep moving;' for he is always in motion, in consequence of which it is said, that Lord Byron wittily remarked, 'he certainly was not the Green Man and Still.'”{1}
1 The Green Man and Still in the well known sign of a pubic-house in Oxford Road.
~~345~~~ ”Why,” cried Bob, ”there seems to be as little of still life about him just now, as there is about Hookey Walker. But pray who is that dingy gentleman who pa.s.sed us within the last minute, and who appeared to be an object of attraction to some persons on the opposite side--he appears to have been cut out for a tailor.”
”That,” replied Tom, ”is a Baronet and cornuto, who married the handsome daughter of a great Marquis. She, however, turned out a complete termagant, who one day, in the heat of her rage, d------d her rib for a sneaking puppy, dashed a cup of coffee in his face, and immediately after flew for protection to a n.o.ble Lord, who entertained a penchant for her. This, however, proved to be a bad speculation on her part; and having seriously reflected on the consequences of such conduct, she made her appearance again at her husband's door a few nights afterwards, and in the spirit of contrition sought forgiveness, under a promise of never transgressing any more, little doubting but her claim to admission would be allowed. Here, however, it seems she had reckoned without her host,--for the Baronet differing in opinion, would not listen to her proposition: her entreaties and promises were urged in vain, and the deserted though still _cara sposa_, has kept the portals of his door, as well as the avenues to his heart, completely closed to her since.”
At this moment they were interrupted by the approach of a gaily dressed young man, who seizing Dashall by the hand, and giving him a hearty shake, exclaimed,--
”Ha, my dear fellow, what Dashall, and as I live, Mr. Sparkle, you are there too, are you: d------me, what's the scent--up to any thing--going any where--or any thing to do--eh--d------me.”
”Quite _ad libitum_,” replied Dashall, ”happy to see Gayfield well and in prime twig,--allow me to introduce my Cousin, Robert Tallyho, Esq.”
”You do me proud, my dear fellow. Any thing new--can't live without novelty--who's up, who's down--what's the wonder of the day--how does the world wag--where is the haven of destination, and how do you weather the point.”
~~346~~~ ”Zounds,” replied Tom, ”you ask more questions in a breath than we three can answer in an hour.”
”Never mind--don't want you to answer; but at all events must have something to say--hate idleness either in speech or action--hate talking in the streets, can't bear staring at like a new monument or a statue.
Talking of statues--I have it--good thought, go see Achilles, the ladies man--eh! what say you. D------me, made of cannons and other combustibles--Waterloo to wit--Come along, quite a bore to stand still--yea or nay, can't wait.”