Part 56 (1/2)
”I? I shall go home.”
She felt her jealousy of all of them, out there:
”Yes,” he said, gently.
”If you don't love me,” she burst out, ”they will not need to console you long.”
”I shall feel regret ... because I have spoilt your life ... and because I sha'n't see the children any more.”
”Spoilt my life?” she said, proudly. ”You have not done that.”
He did not answer.
”The children?” she continued. ”Why should you not see them ... when you want to?”
”Would you allow that?”
”Allow it? They are your children. I have nothing to say in the matter.
In fact....”
”In fact?”
”I should not think it right ... if you did not see them often.”
”Then I shall come.”
”Of course.... But to go on living here ... would be too expensive.”
”No, not at all. I ... I shall want nothing ... out there. Whatever I make is yours.”
”I can't accept it.”
”Yes, you can ... for the children. It's better, Tilly, that everything should remain as it is.”
”Very well,” she consented. ”Only, Addie ... it's not a solution.”
”There can be no solution ... until you know that you care enough for Johan Erzeele....”
”No, no, I don't!”
”That you care enough for Johan Erzeele to....”
”I don't know, I don't know ... and I refuse to discuss it.”
”I understand that, Tilly. Then ... there can be no solution yet, can there? We know nothing about a solution. I am simply giving you back your life, as far as I can, and you are doing the same to me. Later we will see what happens. It will all come of itself. What do we know? We know nothing ... for ourselves. Knowledge will all come of itself. Do you understand?”
”No.”
”You will, later.... You will live here, with the children; you will see me hardly at all. I shall not see the children for a time. It will be as though I were on a journey. They are so small: oh, I hope that they won't miss me and that, when they do see me again, they will know me!...
So you will be alone ... with the children ... It may be that you will want me back then, that the former love will return.... In my case too, perhaps.... We shall see. It will ... it will all come of itself and we ... we know nothing.... Perhaps, in years to come, we shall be living quietly together again ... with the children. Or else....”