Part 52 (1/2)
Whatever people may have thought, whatever people may have said, none of it's true, it's all false! He was my brother, my own brother; and I loved him as a brother, though perhaps too much; and he loved me as a sister, though perhaps too much.... Oh, people are so wicked, so utterly wicked! They thought, they said ... As for me, I would never speak. Oh, Addie, your parents and you, your kindest and dearest of parents, never asked me a question, but took me to live with them in their house, which has become my sanctuary, where I can lead my cloistered life! Oh, Addie, I shall be grateful for ever and ever to your dear parents ... and to you! They never asked me anything, they have been like father and mother to me; I have been able to live under their roof, though my life has been nothing but remorse and pain.... Oh, Addie, let me tell you everything!... Henri was a clown in a circus--you know about that--and I, I made money by painting. We lived ... we lived together; we were both of us happy; then Eduard came.... Oh, he was like an evil spirit!
Oh, when I dream of him now, I dream of a devil! Addie, Eduard came!...
And it was he ... it was he....”
”I know, Emilie, I know.”
The words burst from her in a scream:
”It was he ... he ... he ... who murdered Henri!”
”Hush, Emilie.”
”Oh, I can't keep silent, I can't keep silent for ever; it chokes me, it chokes me, here!”
She uttered loud, hysterical cries, twisting herself against the chair; her eyes stared distractedly out of her face; her hair hung loose about her cheeks; her features were pale and distorted.
”It was after an evening when he had been playing in the circus ... and Eduard ... Eduard....”
”I know, I know.... Hush, Emilie!”
”He waited for him ... in the pa.s.sage in front of the house where we lived ... and ... and he called him names ... they quarrelled.... Then ... then he _stabbed_ him ... with a knife!”
”Hush, Emilie, hus.h.!.+”
But she screamed it out: her screeches rang through the room. She wriggled like a madwoman against his knees; he stroked her dishevelled hair, to quiet her.
”Oh, your parents, your dear parents, Addie: they never asked me anything!... They came and fetched me: oh, Addie, that journey home, with his coffin between us, oh, those formalities at the frontiers!...
Oh, Addie, your dear parents: they saved me: I was mad, I was mad, I was mad at that time! Now it's all coming back to me; I can't keep it to myself any longer!... You see, he waited for him, they began quarrelling about me and ... suddenly they were like two wild animals!
Henri rushed at him ... and then Eduard stabbed him with his knife! The villain, the villain! He has been missing since then; I have never seen him again; only at night, at night I see him _with his knife_! Oh, Addie, Addie, help me!”
He gripped her by the arms with all his might and sought to control her; but she resisted. She was like a madwoman; in the sultry summer heat she was overmastered by the day-long vision that loomed up regularly with the first balmy warmth of spring. She was like a madwoman; she saw everything before her eyes; she lived the past over again.
”n.o.body has ever known, Addie, except you, except you!”
”Hush, Emilie, hus.h.!.+”
He tried to look into her eyes, but they avoided his. She twisted and turned as though she were in the grasp of a ravisher; she dragged herself along the floor, while his hand held her arms. Suddenly his eyes met hers and he held and pierced them deeply with his grey-blue glance.
She fell back helplessly against a chair; her features, now relaxed, hung slackly, like an old woman's; her lips drooped. She lay huddled and moaning, with a monotonous moan of pain. Then she began to shake her head, up and down, up and down, grating the back of her head against the chair.
”Get up, Emilie.”
She obeyed, let him help her up, hung like a rag in his hands. She fell back on her bed, with her eyes closed; and he rang the bell. It was Constance who entered.
”We will undress her now, Mamma; she's much quieter. I'll ring for Aunt Adeline to help you.”
He rang again and asked Truitje to go for Mrs. van Lowe. But, as soon as Emilie felt the touch of Constance' fingers, she began to moan anew and opened her eyes:
”Oh, Auntie, Auntie, you're a dear, you're a dear! You never, never asked me!”
”Perhaps it will be better to leave her now, Mamma,” whispered Addie.