Part 51 (1/2)
”You don't care for me.”
”Not in that way. Why shouldn't we be friends?”
”That's nonsense. Friends.h.i.+p between a man and a woman? That's one of those notions which you picked up, I dare say, at Driebergen, among neurotic people. Between a man and a woman there's only ... yearning. I want you and I am in h.e.l.l because I haven't got you.”
”Yes, it's always ... that,” she said; and she thought of Addie.
”Oh, if you would only go with me ... out of this.”
”Would that make me happy?”
”I should live for you entirely. I have a little money....”
”That would make me happy, would it? To leave my husband, to leave my children?”
”Your husband, your children? But I should be there!”
”Yes, but....”
”You don't care for me.”
”Not like that.”
”All the same, you would become happy.... You never found happiness in your husband--you say so yourself--because you don't understand him. You would understand me.”
She began to cry again:
”Oh,” she said, ”don't go on talking like that!”
”Do you care for me, Tilly, do you care for me?”
”Yes, Johan, I do care for you.”
”Well?”
She stood still:
”Listen,” she said, looking him straight in the eyes. ”I care for you.”
Her voice sounded loving in spite of herself. ”I care for you ... very much indeed. At this moment, perhaps even more than for Addie ... I'm not quite sure. A time may come ... _may_ come, when I shall care for you even _more_ ... certainly more than for Addie.”
”Oh,” he cried, ”but then....”
”Don't speak,” she said. ”Listen to me. What you're asking of me ... I refuse.”
”Why?”
”Because I am an honest woman.... Because I am naturally an honest woman.... Because I always mean to be an honest woman.... I could never do what you ask me to.... Because, even if I had to say good-bye to my husband, I should never, never be willing to say good-bye to my children.”
”You love your children better?”