Part 11 (2/2)

*That's my baby,' she whispered, and everything else was forgotten as her heart exploded with maternal protection and devotion.

Gabby's shock at what has happened is interspersed with utter terror when she thinks about the moment of breaking the news to Elliott. She knows she cannot put that moment off for very much longer. Gabby has never been a very good liar, and she can't keep pretending this is the menopause. She has done enough damage. The very least she can do now is step up and take responsibility for her actions.

Every time she tries to think of the words, tries to think of how to frame her announcement to cause the least impact, to somehow make it palatable, to ease the pain she knows is inescapable, her mind goes blank.

How do you tell the man you love that you have done the worst thing possible; that you have betrayed his trust; that you will have to live with the evidence for the rest of your life?

Chapter Seventeen.

*I am not stupid, Gabby!' Elliott is back to shouting again, as Gabby, exhausted, sits on the small sofa by the window, her head hung low.

*I didn't say you were stupid. It's possible. It happens. There's a chance, a very slight chance ...'

*Gabby, don't lie to me. All I'm asking for is the truth. If you're honest with me, I can deal with anything, but what I can't deal with are lies. The chances of you getting pregnant by me are, as you pointed out, infinitesimal. We are a family, and you know I don't believe families are necessarily blood, but if you lie to me and tell me that somehow, despite the vasectomy, this baby could only be mine, and I do genetics testing and discover that you are lying to me, I will never recover. Do you understand that, Gabby? I will never get over you lying to me.'

*I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you so much,' Gabby blurts out, and she starts to sob. *I know you won't forgive me. I don't know how to ...'

Sitting down on the bed, Elliott takes a deep breath and his voice is calm. *Just tell me.'

*It was nothing. It was just ... once.'

Gabby watches as a muscle starts to twitch in Elliott's jaw.

*It ... it was only one time. It didn't mean anything.'

Elliott turns to look at her, his face blank. *What?'

*I slept with him once. It was a mistake.'

*Gabby, what are you saying? You slept with whom once?'

*The guy from the website.'

*Jesus Christ!' Elliott's voice is a roar of pain as he leaps up. *Are you serious? You're pregnant with another man's baby?'

Elliott thought he was prepared to hear the truth, thought he would be able to handle it, already knowing, deep in his gut, that this baby could not possibly be his. But to hear the words, to hear Gabby admitting that she has betrayed him, that she has slept with another man, is more than he can bear.

Gabby has never seen her husband like this. She cowers back against the sofa as Elliott looms above her, his face, always so loving and kind, now contorted with rage. He looks as if he is about to hit her, but then he turns and whirls out of the room, storming down the stairs.

Gabby is right behind him. *Where are you going?' she screams.

*I don't know,' he says, slamming the door and gunning the engine before screeching off down the street.

There is a gentle tapping on the door that Gabby doesn't hear for a while because her face is buried in the pillow as she sobs.

Eventually she hears the sound, lifts her head, and attempts to calm down. *Elliott?'

The door cracks open. *No, Mom. It's me. Alanna. What's the matter?'

Gabby tries to crack a smile. *I'm just having a bad day. I'll be okay.'

*Mom, were you and Dad fighting?'

Oh G.o.d. Please let them not have heard what happened. *What did you hear?'

*Nothing. I was in the sunroom but I heard raised voices. Did you have a fight?'

*Yes, but it's all going to be fine.'

*Mom, I've never heard you and Dad shout at each other before.' Her face falls. *You're not going to get a divorce, are you?'

*Absolutely not!' she says firmly. *Not a chance in h.e.l.l.' She holds out her arms to give Alanna a rea.s.suring hug, preventing her daughter from seeing the fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

It is night time before Elliott returns. Gabby is freshly showered, and she has made his favourite: pork chops and mashed potatoes. The table is set for two, even though she has no appet.i.te, and yellow chrysanthemums, cut from the pot on the front doorstep, are in a vase, bravely pretending everything is sunny and bright.

Alanna is up in her room, getting ready for bed; Olivia is out at the movies with friends. Gabby is exhausted, and terrified, feeling trapped in a bad dream, desperate to make it better. She knows that pork chops and mashed potatoes probably won't make all that much of a difference, but she doesn't know what else to do.

She has been sitting at the kitchen table for the last two hours, waiting for Elliott to come home. He has switched off his mobile phone, and there has been nothing to do but wait. She hasn't been able to read, or watch television, or focus on anything other than the return of her husband and what he might have to say.

Relief floods her body when she eventually hears the car. He opens the front door and glances through to her, in the kitchen, before sighing and taking off his jacket.

*I made you dinner,' she says. *Pork chops and mashed potato.'

*I'm not hungry,' he says slowly, walking in.

*Can I get you a drink? Would you like a beer?'

*No.'

He pulls out a chair and sits at the table, staring straight ahead, his jaw clenched. He keeps starting to say something, but then he stops. Finally, he takes a deep breath, and bursts into loud, wracking sobs.

*Oh, Elliott.' Gabby gets up and flies to him, cradling him in her arms, resting her forehead against his. *Baby. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' She is weeping too. *I never meant this to happen. What will it take for you to forgive me? Whatever it is, I'll do it. Anything.'

There is a long silence as they both weep. Elliott makes no move to touch Gabby, but lets himself be held by her until he is calm. Gabby goes back to her chair, but reaches out for his hand, certain this is a step in the right direction, that the very fact he allowed himself to be held means there is hope.

*The thing is,' Elliott whispers, not looking at Gabby, *I'm not sure I can forgive you.'

Gabby's voice catches in her throat. *What do you mean?'

*I want to. I want to be able to put this behind us and move on, but I don't know how to do that. It would be one thing if you had just been unfaithful, but you're pregnant. With another man's child. How am I supposed to get over something like that? I thought it would be possible, but it isn't. How am I supposed to forgive a betrayal like that?' He looks up at her then.

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