Part 35 (1/2)

'Last fall, you said we ought to see a counsellor.'

'You told me it was way too late for counselling. Do you want to get a latte or a cappuccino?'

'A latte and a brownie I missed lunch today.'

I went up to the counter, ordered, waited while they fixed the coffees, glanced at Lexie now and then. I saw that she was looking very tired. Maybe she was overdoing things, exterminating vermin, digging weeds in Mr Wonderful's backyard and servicing the guy who made her fly?

'How is life in general, Lex?' I asked.

'It's okay, I guess.' She sighed. She crumbled up her brownie. 'But I must admit it's sometimes not too great. The kids are so demanding these days, always wanting this and that and cluttering up the place with Barbies, Lego-'

'What about the guy who makes you come to life?'

'Next month, he'll be going to Dubai alone.' Lexie sounded like she had the words pulled out of her with forceps and was trying not to scream. 'We're not so good together any more. Stephen is a-'

'What?'

A louse, a slug, a piece of s.h.i.+t?

Come on, Lexie, let me hear you say it?

'A serial marriage-wrecker. He's done this before, you know. Put the moves on married women and convinced them they should leave their husbands, go with him. Rhoda at the office called me up a week ago. It seems he has some history. I think he must be seriously disturbed.'

'Or perhaps he's seriously dumb? But maybe that's unfair. After all, there's no way he could be as dumb as me.'

'Oh, Pat!' She looked at me and I could see her eyes were bright. 'Patrick, we were lovers once. We could be lovers still. We have two awesome children. We could put all this behind us, couldn't we? Strike the past out for our children's sake, if not for our own?'

I could see she needed to be comforted.

She needed me to take her in my arms, to kiss her better, to tell her it would all work out, to say we could pretend the past few months had been a nightmare and we had woken up and everything was fine again.

But although I could remember how I felt about her once and was even kind of sorry we could not go back and be the way we were, there was no way I'd want to do what she suggested.

I had no desire to punish Lex, I swear. But when she left me for the British guy then went to bed with Ben, she smashed up something precious. However much I wanted to repair it and part of me did I knew deep down it couldn't be repaired. It might have been repairable one time.

But there was Rosie now.

ROSIE.

'Patrick, don't you care?' I asked him when we next spoke on the phone. Gosh, I loved my new and whizzy smartphone! It organised my life so well that I could not imagine how I'd got along without it, even though the battery lasted only half a minute. 'You must surely care a little bit?'

'Yeah, I care about my kids and how we're jerking them around. But as for Mr Wonderful and Lexie, Ben and Lexie no, it doesn't bother me at all. I guess I always kind of wondered about Lex and Ben, even from the time we were in high school.'

'Or maybe you knew they liked each other? But since Lexie was your girl and Ben was your best friend, perhaps you trusted them?'

'Perhaps I was a clown? Whenever we and Ben and Mrs Fairfax One or Two met up, there'd always be this kind of flirting going on. Ben would compliment her on her outfit, notice when she put her hair up, tell her she looked great, and Lex would blush and simper, make big eyes at him.'

'What's Ben's problem, Pat?'

'The world's a great big toy store full of dolls. They come in every colour, shape and size. He wants them all.'

'Why does he bother to get married, then?'

'If he's single if Tess isn't going back to him, and if she has any sense she won't chasing other women is allowed. But if he's a married man and if he has a mistress, she can be his guilty secret, his little bunch of fun.'

'Perhaps it's just as well he has no children.'

'None we know about, in any case.'

'I'm glad I don't want children.'

'But you get on great with Joe and Polly, Rosie! Why-'

'What's in it for me, apart from getting fat and being sick and having swollen ankles? Then there'd be the sleepless nights, the toddler tantrums, teenage mutinies. I think I'll pa.s.s.'

'You like my children, don't you?'

'Yes, of course I like your children, Pat. I love them, they're amazing. But they're still like Labradors.'

'My children are like dogs?'

'Yes, in the sense that I love other people's dogs to bits. My mother's are all gorgeous. But, given the choice, I'd rather have designer handbags.'

'I think you'd be a perfect mom.'

'I think you're projecting and seeing what you want to see in me, not what's really there.'

'I must admit that sometimes I don't get you, Rosie Denham.'

'I don't get men at all. You're married, so am I your little bunch of fun?'

'Darling, you're my life.'

PATRICK.

I'm glad I don't want children.

I so wished she did. I wished she wanted mine. So was this the same withdrawing I had sensed before and was she warning me to keep my distance? She did not get men? I sure as h.e.l.l did not get women ...

'Pat, are you still there?' she asked.

'Yes.'

'Joe and Polly don't misunderstand me they're a pair of charmers, and you know I think the world of them.'

'They think the world of you.' Then, recklessly, I played my wildest card. 'I know they'd love a baby brother, baby sister.'

'Polly's still a baby.'

'You're great with kids, you know. Why don't we think about it? I get a divorce from Lexie, then maybe we-'