Part 14 (1/2)

”Kayla, why are you avoiding me? You said yesterday you'd be caught up on your articles and you'd stay at my place tonight.” I could feel his frustration through the line.

”I'm not avoiding you. Of course I miss you. I'm trying to make as much money as possible so I don't have to work when school starts again.”

”Kayla, you write your articles online. Why can't you bring your laptop and work here?”

I tried to sound coy. ”Too many distractions?”

”Kayla, I need to see you,” he said. ”We're only an hour apart and I haven't been with you in two weeks. If something is going on ... if there's someone else, you need to be honest with me.”

The idea of there being another guy was laughable. The only man I saw on a regular basis was the guy who worked at the twenty-four-hour convenience store. I would stop there a couple of times a week to stock up on my binge foods. I'd go in there incognito, wearing a baseball cap and baggy clothes to hide my ident.i.ty, and, not surprisingly, the clerk had addressed me as ”sir” more than once.

As my conversation with Cameron hit a lull, I asked myself again, why couldn't I just let him go? I was hurting us both by not ending things. Still, I felt like there were two sides of my personality: There was the other Kayla, who wanted to run back to Cameron, kiss him into oblivion and forget the bulls.h.i.+t keeping us apart; and there was the Kayla of the here and now, who realized the minute he saw how much more weight I'd lost, he'd combine forces with my sister to stage an intervention.

”There's no one else ...” Tears strangled my words. ”There will never be anyone else.”

”Kayla, just get in the car and drive to my apartment. Or, I get off of work in an hour, and I can come to you. I'll do whatever it takes to see you tonight.” His voice was gruff and I suddenly missed him desperately. What was wrong with me? How could my weight be more important than the feelings I had for this mind-blowing guy?

”I can't,” I whispered. ”I'll call you soon.” I hung up and turned off my phone to prevent him from calling me back. I had to get my head together before talking to him again. Cameron deserved better and I would have to figure out if I could give him what he needed.

My mom was in the living room watching TV when I walked robotically downstairs. She'd been dating Jake for a while, which kept her distracted enough that I didn't have to deal with her overpowering personality on a regular basis. She had dropped several hints about Lila and me meeting her boyfriend, but we'd avoided it thus far.

She turned to face me, her lovely features pinched together. Although it was the middle of the afternoon on a weekday, Charlotte Marlowe was dressed to the nines. Her red silk blouse and white Capri pants were simple and stylish, and she appeared even more statuesque with her six-inch heels. My frumpy sweatpants, paired with Cameron's Rutgers sweats.h.i.+rt, wouldn't go unnoticed.

”It's alive!” she quipped. ”My lord, Kayla, you look like one of the extras from that zombie show your sister is so fond of.” She did a quick onceover of my appearance as I collapsed onto the loveseat. Bringing my knees to my chest, I turned away from her unsettling inspection and looked toward the TV.

My mother cleared her throat. ”Kayla, it's wonderful you were able to lose weight, but I think it's time to work on the rest of your appearance. How about I make an appointment for us at my salon? The staff there could do wonders with your hair and nails.” My nails were brittle, splitting apart and forcing me to keep them cut to the quick. And despite the expensive conditioner my mother had purchased, my hair was thin and dull.

”I don't want to go to the salon with you,” I muttered and reached for the remote.

My mother injected false cheer into her voice, her lips twisting into her version of a smile. ”Kayla, we'll have loads of fun! We can go get spray tans after! It's the start of summer, and you should have some color.”

I would have rather gouged my own eyes out than go with my mother for spray tans. Instead, I said dejectedly, ”Maybe some other time, Mom.”

”What's wrong with you? Did Cameron break up with you? Because I simply can't understand what all this moping is about.”

”I don't know, Mom, maybe I miss Dad like crazy. Not all of us can move on as quickly as you can,” I snapped. I covered my mouth with my hand, startled by my own outburst. Submissive Kayla was being pushed aside by angry and bitter Kayla.

My mother rose above me, her expression stern. ”You have no idea what you're talking about. Your father loved me and would want to see me happy. You're disgracing his memory by wallowing in your own self-pity. When you want to act like a grown-up, come find me, and we'll talk.”

I flinched at her words. Her back was rigid as she stormed from the room. If my plan was to drive everyone away, it was working perfectly. My stomach growled, begging to be fed. I drove my fingernails into my palm, hoping the pain would silence the noise in my gut, and I fell back onto the loveseat, curled into a ball. Then, I pushed my face into the cus.h.i.+on and screamed.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

I had no idea how much time had pa.s.sed while I stayed in the same position. The living room darkened, casting late-afternoon shadows across the wood flooring. I couldn't move. Nothing could rouse me, not even the insistent ringing of the doorbell. My mother strode into the room, glaring at me, before answering the door.

”I'd say what a pleasant surprise, but we'd both know that was a lie,” she said. ”She's in the living room. Maybe you can talk some sense into her because I'm done with her melodrama.”

Heavy footsteps pounded in my direction. It took too much energy to lift my head, provoking me to stay still. A masculine growl grabbed my attention and I moved my head toward the disruption. My attention was captivated by a gorgeous set of deep blue eyes. They were filled with too many emotions for me to discern. Before I could prepare a response, a familiar pair of hands was lifting me off the loveseat. Faltering as my feet hit the ground; it took a moment for me to regain my bearings. When I came out of my stupor, I realized Cameron was standing before me.

My mother was behind him with her arms folded across her chest. They were staring at me expectantly, and it felt as if I was on trial and they were to be the ones to decide my fate. My lack of food and the sudden movement off the loveseat left me dizzy, and I grabbed the end table for balance.

I managed to croak out, ”What are you doing here?”

Cameron stepped forward and cradled my face in his palms. ”I was worried, Kayla. You hung up on me and then didn't answer the phone. I thought something was wrong.”

”I'm sorry you wasted your time. As you can see, I'm perfectly all right,” I mumbled. I tried to take a step forward, but I stumbled again. Cameron pulled me toward him. Before I could react, I felt his hands slip under the edge of my sweats.h.i.+rt and wrap around my waist.

I squirmed out of his grasp, but by the look on his face I could tell I was too late. Instead of addressing me, he spun on my mother. ”Do you not see her? She's been here a month. Have you bothered to look at her?”

My mother's mouth hung open. Cameron didn't wait for a reply. Instead, he crouched a little until his eyes were level with mine. ”Babe, we're leaving here. Let's go pack your things. You can't stay in this house anymore.”

He took me by the hand and led me toward the stairs. I flung his hand away. ”What are you doing?”

”Kayla, you need help. I can feel the bones sticking out of your skin. I'll be the a.s.shole here if I have to, but I'm taking you to a doctor. This has gone on long enough.” He was practically snarling, and I could see a vein pulsing on his forehead.

I dug in my heels as he tried to reach for me again. ”Stop it Cameron! I'm not going anywhere. I'm not someone you need to save.” I narrowed my eyes before sneering, ”I'm not your mom.”

I had verbally punched him in the face. His jaw went slack and an angry flush colored his cheeks. ”That was a really s.h.i.+tty thing to say. I'm going to chalk it up to you being sick and let it slide.” He spoke through clenched teeth.

”It's true though, isn't it? You couldn't make her better and you can't deal with it. Now, you've decided I need mending. You're using me to make up for the things that happened to you as a kid. You couldn't be a rescuer back then and you want the chance to be my knight in s.h.i.+ning armor.”

I was a monster. His love for me was beautiful and I was twisting it into something hideous. I was trying to hurt him where I knew his deepest vulnerability lay. I wasn't merely pus.h.i.+ng Cameron away-I was attempting to hurl him into a black hole with the promise he would never return again.

His breathing was labored and I had stunned him speechless. My mother intervened and stepped between us. The mask of disdain she typically wore in his presence faded and she spoke to him gently. ”Why don't we talk outside for a minute?”

If Cameron had earned my mother's sympathy, I must've turned into something truly heinous. I forced my body to turn away as she walked him outside. I couldn't stand to see the hurt and rage directed at me. He'd let me in, revealing the ghosts from his past that haunted him, and I'd used it against him. But I was delusional enough to believe I had done it for his own good. I tried my hardest to make things work, to have a normal relations.h.i.+p, but I couldn't pretend any longer.

My mother was expressionless when she found me in the kitchen twenty minutes later. I was gulping down water, another pointer provided to me by Pro-Ana to stave off hunger. With a long-suffering sigh, she sank into one of the kitchen chairs and really looked at me for the first time in ages.

As seconds pa.s.sed, I could no longer take the tension. ”Did he leave?”

”Yes, he's gone.”

The statement made me feel like I'd just been given a prognosis of a terminal disease. My breath whooshed out of me and the room started to spin. I thought I must have been having an out-of-body experience, because that couldn't possibly be what my life had come to. Being thin was supposed to be the key to unlocking the joy shut away inside of me. My intentions were never to be left alone and dejected.

My mother's gaze turned shrewd. ”How much do you weigh now?”

”I'm not answering that question,” I replied primly, and I returned to guzzling my water. Raw grief was a raging fire through me and I was trying to extinguish it. Once I pulled the bottle away from my mouth, I asked, ”What did you say to him?”

Before she could answer, I heard the front door open and slam shut. Lila charged into the kitchen. Her backpack fell to the floor as her eyes bounced back and forth between my mother and me. ”What's going on?”

”I believe your sister just broke things off with her boyfriend.” My mom addressed Lila, but her eyes stayed on me.