Part 25 (2/2)

”You have much faith in me, la.s.s.”

She wrinkled her nose at him before she responded. ”I do and I know you, prig that you are.”

Lochlan shook his head at her and her teasing. If anyone else had said that to him, he'd have been highly offended. But from her, those insults seemed more like endearments.

There was something very wrong with him.

And then his thoughts turned to Kieran. His stomach was drawn tight in reservation and yet her presence comforted him. So long as she was with him, he believed everything would turn out justly. It was the only time in his life he'd felt this way.

Catarina was a treasure.

He glanced over his head to see Kestrel. ”Could you give us a moment?”

Kestrel didn't move for a second. It was as if it took him a moment to realize someone had spoken to him. ”Aye.” And before Lochlan could blink, he was out of the room.

Lochlan was taken aback by his actions. ”That man moves entirely too fast.”

Catarina nodded. ”He is unearthly at times.”

But that wasn't what Lochlan wanted to discuss. He had most serious matters to speak of. Taking Catarina's hands into his, he held them tight and turned toward her. The curiosity in those dark eyes seared him and for a heartbeat his courage faltered.

However, the heat of her hands on his brought it back tenfold and that allowed his tongue to work again. ”I want to be with you, Catarina.”

She frowned at him. ”You are with me.”

”Nay...'tis not what I mean, la.s.s.” He swallowed before he forced himself to say to her exactly what he meant. ”I want to take you to wife.”

Cat couldn't breathe as she heard the words she'd never dreamed he'd speak. Part of her still wasn't sure she wasn't dreaming or mistaken.

Lochlan MacAllister wanted to marry her?

It was inconceivable and yet it was a dream come true. But she understood the sacrifice such a thing would require. Did he? ”Lochlan...I...do you understand what you're asking?”

His gaze burned into hers with the pa.s.sion of his conviction. ”More than anything.”

She still wasn't so certain. ”Do you know what my father will do if he learns of this?”

”I don't care.”

Tears welled in her eyes. ”Your clan--”

”My brother can take it. Braden would make a...” He hesitated as if reconsidering what he was about to say. ”...decent laird.”

She laughed, refusing to believe he would actually abandon his people for her. ”My father will never stop hunting us, Lochlan. He has promised me to another and he doesn't take defeat well.”

Lochlan scoffed at her fears. ”And neither does a Scot. Remember, we are the only country Rome couldn't tame. They had put a wall up to protect themselves from us.”

She laughed at the reminder of Hadrian's Wall, which had indeed been built for that very reason.

”If you will have me, Catarina, I can't promise you how much time we'll have together, but I can promise you that whether it's only this one hour or a million more, I will love you for every one of them.”

She let out a small sob at words that cut through her heart and made it ache. No man had ever said such to her and no one had ever spoken with such sincerity. She threw herself against him and held him close as her emotions choked and drowned her. She couldn't speak for the tidal waves that a.s.sailed her. All she could do was feel how much she loved him. How much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man.

”Catarina?”

She heard the hesitancy in his voice. ”I want to be with you, Lochlan,” she breathed, her voice breaking. ”I do, but I can't if it means your life.” She pulled back to look up at him. ”And I know for a fact that it would. I'm not selfless enough to be content with a single hour. I'm a greedy woman and I want you with me always.”

”Then we will run.”

She shook her head. ”It's not in you and we both know that. You're not a coward, Lochlan MacAllister. I've seen you stand firm and proud when another man would have begged for mercy. You are what you are and that is why I love you. I don't want you to become something you're not to please me. Neither of us would ever be happy with that.” She wanted to say that it was enough for her that he was willing to run.

The truth was very different. It wasn't enough. She wanted to be with him and she was angry that they couldn't be together. It wasn't fair or right.

Lochlan placed a tender kiss to the top of her head and held her close to his heart. Closing his eyes, he expected to hear his father's voice in his head berating him. But there was only silence.

How strange that it was only Catarina who could squelch the violence and insults of his past.

She was his peace.

There was a quiet knock before Kestrel opened the door and entered the room. ”They're starting to stare at me in the hallway. Sorry.”

Catarina pulled away as Kestrel returned to his perch.

There was an awkward silence between them. Cat wanted to speak, but didn't want to voice her concerns before a stranger.

Time pa.s.sed slowly until Kestrel finally spoke. ”By the way”--he paused to turn his head in their direction--”I know 'tis none of my business. But it seems to me that people usually regret the things they don't do more than the things they indeed do.”

He returned to stare out at the sea with an expression of heartache so profound that she could feel it within her own chest. ”I had a lady once who I loved more than my own life who begged me to stay with her and not go to Outremer.” He let out a tired breath. ”I didn't listen to her pleas.

I wanted to go to make money and earn lands for us so that I could treat her like the queen she was in my eyes. But I was gone so long that she a.s.sumed me dead and married another.”

His face sad, he fell silent before he spoke again. ”And every moment of my life, I regret that I didn't stay with her that final day when she begged me to. I didn't think we stood a chance, what with the obstacles we faced and by trying alone to make a future for us, I ensured that we'd never have one at all.”

Kestrel turned to give them both a harsh stare of warning. ”I guess Stryder is right. We are all d.a.m.ned or saved by the decisions we make. Just don't let fear make the decision for you. There were two things I learned while in h.e.l.l. One, it's much easier to face the devil and fight when you're not alone. And two, what you envision in the darkness of your mind is always much more frightening than the realities that come at you. The devil always blinks first. Stand your ground and fear nothing.”

Cat wiped at the single tear that fell from her eye at his words and the pain they betrayed, which he hid so carefully. Yet for their future, he was willing to bare his scars to them. It said much for the man and she pitied the woman who had haplessly let him go. ”Thank you, Kestrel.”

He inclined his head to her. ”I don't want to see someone else make my mistake. If you're both willing to run, then run until they find you and don't look back. Ever. Believe me, the world is large and there are places you can live where no one will ever find you again.”

Lochlan paused as he thought about Kieran and all the years his brother had been missing.

Kestrel was right. His brother had run and none of them had ever known his whereabouts. Not in all this time.

Perhaps they could have a future after all.

He held his hand up for Catarina. ”Will you run with me, Cat?”

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