Part 14 (2/2)

”I'm honored,” Sarah says. ”Clearly he only brought his trashy girls here.”

”You should be.”

”He never showed me this place,” I say, though we'd run past it. Sarah looks at me quickly and then away and I regret saying it, a.s.serting that I was one of his girls, too. I don't know either of them. Not really. I'm only here because I miss Zach.

”You and him . . . ,” Tayshawn begins, staring at me.

Sarah nods. ”How'd you two . . . ?”

Neither of them can say what they want to say. The frame of their question is broken.

”It just happened,” I say.

I've been asked this question so often but finally I want to answer.

”I guess. We were both in the park. Central Park, I mean. Not here. We said, you know, 'Hey, how you doing?' We'd seen each other in cla.s.s. Never spoken though. So we got talking. Turned out we both loved running so we started running together.”

”You really ran together?” Sarah asks. ”You're not lying? I never saw you run.”

”I'm not lying. I like running. We ran together. It wasn't the same as you and him, Sarah. Honest. He wasn't my boyfriend.”

”What was he then?” she asks. ”For you.”

Tayshawn holds up his hand. ”None of our business, right?”

”I'm not sure,” I say. ”I guess it is your business, isn't it? You were his best friend. You were his girlfriend. The two people who knew him best.”

”I don't think I knew him that well,” Sarah says. ”I didn't know about you.”

”Like I knew!” Tayshawn says. ”But I thought something was up, you know? Been a few months. He wasn't hanging around as much. I noticed. Asked him about it. But he was all, 'What do you mean? Nothing going on.' Made me think there was. Now I know.”

”I didn't even suspect,” Sarah says. ”I had not clue one.”

”We mostly ran.” I uncross my legs, pull the dress over my knees and hug them, resting my chin. I haven't talked about this with anyone but the cops.

”But you didn't only run,” Sarah says.

”Zach's fast. How'd you keep up?”

”I'm fast, too,” I say, relieved at Tayshawn's interruption. He looks skeptical. So does Sarah. ”We ran in the park. Sometimes we'd run up there all the way from school.”

”What else d'you do?” Sarah asks. ”I mean, me and Zach, we talked about stuff, hung out with friends, went to movies. Stuff like that.” Her eyes fill with water but she doesn't start crying. I know how she feels. This talk of Zach is making the rawness inside me swell.

”That all?” Tayshawn asks. ” 'Cause, you know, talking and going to the movies, that is not the main thing I do with my girl.” I wonder who his girl is. She's not anyone at school.

”You want all the details? Pervert!” Sarah laughs. ”Sure. We made out. He was my boyfriend. He tell you about that stuff?”

Tayshawn smiles but he's not saying anything.

”He did, didn't he? s.h.i.+t. And everyone says girls are blabbermouths!”

”He never said a word about Micah.” Tayshawn is having fun. He winks at me.

”Great,” Sarah says. ”He keeps her s.e.x life private but not mine.”

I don't say anything for the moment, but then I think, why not? We're all being honest, aren't we? ”He was too ashamed. Why would he tell anyone about me? You saw what everyone said when they found out. First they didn't believe it. Then they acted like they felt sick. 'Cause Zach and me? No way!”

”I believed it right away,” Sarah said. ”I heard it and I knew.”

”Really?” I ask. ”I thought you said I was too ugly for him. I'm like an ugly boy, you said.”

”Harsh,” Tayshawn says.

”I was mad,” Sarah says. ”I'm still mad.” She's not looking at me.

”It's what everyone was thinking,” I say. ”Is thinking.”

”Not me,” Tayshawn said. ”I don't think you're ugly. I mean, you're not beautiful or anything, but ugly? Nope.”

”Thanks,” I say, smiling. It feels strange on my face. The muscles almost don't know what to do. Sarah and Tayshawn laugh. ”It's not me not being pretty. I know that. It's what a freak I am. I mean, look at me, look at you. You wear makeup and walk and talk right. Anything I say, people stare. You got your hair all pretty and relaxed and long. I'm cropped short.”

”I wish I could do that,” Sarah says. But I know she's lying. She's proud of her hair. ”You got any idea how long this takes?”

I do. I can't imagine spending that many hours every morning combing my hair out. But I like the way it looks on her just as much as she does. Loose curls that tumble to halfway down her back.

”What do you think happened to him?” Tayshawn asks.

I don't know what to say. I've thought about it. I've wondered. But I know so little.

FAMILY HISTORY.

I remember my first visit to the Greats. I was very small. Too small for coherent sentences, but already walking around.

My father hadn't been speaking to them since his first baby-me-was born. He wasn't answering their calls and returned letters unopened. That was until my mother wore down his resistance and made him take me up to see them for the first time. She didn't join us.

I remember being in the front seat, even though I should have been in back in the car seat. I remember wriggling out of the straps that held me to the seat, so I could crawl in front and see over the dashboard and out the windows to the trees bending in over the car as it went up the b.u.mpy road. I remember green leaves as far as I could see, the suns.h.i.+ne blurring blades and veins and stems together, so that all those branches and leaves swaying in the wind became a green, almost golden, glow.

It must have been summer.

I remember laughing at the sparkling gold green light and my dad shus.h.i.+ng me and cajoling me to sit down again but I wouldn't: I wanted to see.

Then we were almost at the house.

Dad stopped the car. We got out and Dad pulled me up onto his hip so I could see as good as he could from almost as high. We pushed through trees until we were at the house that was right in the center of them. Trees leaned in so close they were almost pus.h.i.+ng in through the windows. The only clear s.p.a.ce was the veranda that wrapped around the house.

Five adults were sitting in rocking chairs. There were children in their laps and at their feet. A few as little or littler than me, but mostly bigger. They were tugging and nipping at one another.

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