Part 15 (1/2)

The adults stood up when they saw us, but they probably heard us before then. All the Wilkins have good ears. Even Dad.

I don't remember which adults it was, probably Grandmother and Great-Aunt and Hilliard, maybe two of Dad's cousins. Mine were the children on the floor. They were who I was looking at. They weren't like the children from day care.

One of them hissed at me.

Like a monkey on a nature show. I pressed in closer to my dad, rested my head against his shoulder.

”It's okay, sweetie,” Dad said. ”They're your kin.”

I'd never heard him use that word before. Even little as I was I didn't trust it. Kin. It sounded dangerous.

BEFORE.

”Do you love me?” Zach asked, panting between each word. We were going up Heartbreak Hill. Zach always liked to talk during the hardest part of the run.

”That's not a question boys ask.” I was not panting nearly so hard as Zach.

”How do you know? I'm your first.”

”Just do.”

Zach's expression said he didn't believe me.

”Do you love me?” I asked.

Zach slowed way down. ”That's definitely a question girls ask.” The sweat dripped into his eyes.

”I know. So, do you?”

”I never answer.”

”Never?” How was that fair?

”Nope,” he said, slowing even more. ”This hill gets bigger every time we climb it, don't you think?”

I didn't, but I grunted in a way that could be a yes or a no. ”So what do you say when they ask you?” I wondered how many theys we were talking about.

”I say . . . Can we stop for a second? Need breath for this.” He staggered to a stop, bent down, and put his hands on his knees, took long gasping breaths.

I halted beside him, standing on my toes to stretch a little, before letting my heels touch the ground for the first time in many miles. My calves clenched and then unclenched, thanking me for the consideration.

”Thanks. d.a.m.n, girl. I wish you'd sweat more.”

”I'm sweating.” Though not nearly as much as him. ”I can't help it if you're not as fit as me.”

”Well, I'm not whatever it is you are. So, you know, I pant and sweat.”

”And b.i.t.c.h and moan.”

He grinned. ” 'Cause I'm regular people.”

I punched him.

”s.h.i.+t, girl.” He rubbed his arm.

”You're so regular,” I said, ”you'll probably get a ball scholars.h.i.+p to college. I heard there are scouts watching every time you play. Then there's you not even going to a high school with a real team.”

Zach shrugged. ”I'd rather get a scholars.h.i.+p for my brains. But we'll see. Imagine if they saw you run! Wouldn't be a college in the country that wasn't throwing money your way.”

”Shut up. Tell me what you tell all your girls.”

”Well, you know, that. I said it to you, didn't I? How sweet you are.” He touched my cheek with his fingers. I rolled my eyes. I wondered if he said it to Sarah, too. ”How about that,” he said. ”You do sweat!”

”Everyone sweats. But you haven't answered my question. When they ask you if you love them,” I said, ”how do you answer?”

”I say”-he leaned into my ear and started whispering-” 'you're so sweet. Just the way you look and taste. Well . . .' And then, like I can't control myself, I kiss them-”

He leaned in, I leaned away.

”Don't be that way.”

”What's with the 'them,' anyway?” I asked, moving still farther away. ”I thought you were only dating Sarah.”

He laughed. ”There've been others.”

”I'm sure.” I was. Girls often looked at Zach. I didn't think he was that good-looking. His skin was clear and his eyes bright, but his nose was kind of big and some of his teeth crooked. He wasn't straight-up handsome like Tayshawn.

”We're both sure then,” he said, kissing me.

I pulled away. ”Why'd you ask me? If you never say it yourself.”

”Keeps things uneven. Get the girl to say it, but never say it to her.”

”That's nasty.” It was but he didn't say it in a nasty way. ”What happens if you fall in love?” I didn't think I was in love with Zach, but I was happier when I was with him than when I was with anyone else. But best of all was being alone. Do you want to be alone when you're in love?

”Then I'll say it. But not till then.”

I wondered why it didn't hurt me that Zach was telling me he didn't love me.

”Okay, that's fair,” I told him. ”I'll do the same.”

”So that's a no, then?” Zach asked, grinning so wide his face was about to split.

”A big fat no,” I said, taking off up the hill at a pace I knew he couldn't match.

AFTER.

”The cops asked me how he seemed. You know, last time I saw him,” Tayshawn says. We're still in the cave, sitting, with the echo of Zach's funeral in our heads. I have no desire to be back there.

Sarah nods. ”Me too. They came to my house. Dad was freaking out. He doesn't like cops. Doesn't trust them.”