Part 52 (1/2)

Iben is not herself during the rest of the interrogation. When Dorte gets up, opens the door, and walks into the hallway, she turns and speaks over her shoulder.

Well, Iben, well take a look at that. Its a good idea. Malenes mother has mentioned that Malene kept writing letters to Rasmus after his death. We are definitely going to follow up that line of inquiry.

chapter 53.

On the pavement a little ahead of me a man in a wheelchair was being pushed along by his wife. I caught up with them. They both seemed quite elderly and were deep in discussion. Just as I pa.s.sed, the woman spluttered with laughter. A little later I turned to look at them and they were both still talking at the same time, apparently sharing a story that they enjoyed hugely. And I came to think of Iben.

Rasmus, you were always loving and kind, helping me whenever I needed it. But I couldnt help feeling that I was a nuisance to you. It was never like that with Iben.

At times when I couldnt do a thing for myself and needed hospital treatment and had to be hauled downstairs to the taxi, she never acted as if she was sacrificing herself. I didnt feel I was a problem. Or when she went shopping for me, helped me dress things like that. For years she was with me and saw more of me than even you did. And all the while we had such a good time. We laughed a lot.

I hate her now for what she has made me suffer over these last few months. Thats a fact. But Ill never find a friend like her again. She really was special: an exception.

I remember one time when I was in the living room and you were in the kitchen. And suddenly I heard a crash.

At first I actually felt pleased. Hes dropped something, I thought. Maybe hes poured boiling water all over his feet. Just for once, I thought, h.e.l.l know what its like not to have full control of your hands. But it didnt take long at all before I started to worry.

I called out to you: Oh, G.o.d! Rasmus? Did you drop something? Did you hurt yourself?

Of course you didnt know what had been going on inside my head. In its own small way, that moment seemed like the sort of dissociative ident.i.ty disorder that Iben was always talking about.

Rasmus, I am so very sorry about what happened on the stairs. I simply dont know what came over me. You are the only one who knows how bad I feel about it. You are the only one who can understand.

G.o.d alone knows how much Iben heard. It wasnt my intention to push you out through the window. I have no idea why it made me so blindly furious when you insisted that your spyware proved that I had sent those e-mails.

I gave you a shove. n.o.body can be sorrier than I am now. Am I truly sick in the head, Rasmus? Is that it?

chapter 54.

theyre sweet now. They speak to her and laugh with her. Everything has changed completely so much so that Anne-Lise finds it hard to believe the way things were not so long ago.

Paul is different too, quite unlike his old self. He is in the office much more and is suddenly of the opinion that it is simply natural that the functions of the DCIG and the DIHR should be coordinated. He is no longer prepared to fight to maintain the independence of the Center.

Anne-Lise cannot make him out. Only recently he did everything he could to help the Center survive, even trying to force Frederik from the board. Was that some kind of macho thing? Could the reason be that any organization only has room for one man of their kind?

The office was closed for the day after Malenes death. The following day Iben brought in a red rose, which she placed on Malenes desk. The next morning Iben replaced it with a fresh rose and again the next day. It was as if Iben believed that Malene was a saint and that her desk and chair were sacred.

When people turned up to use the library, Iben lectured them at length about how her own survival had been due to a psychological miracle. Paul told her repeatedly that if she felt like staying at home she should, but Iben didnt seem to get the hint. Perhaps she wanted to be at work.

Every day people phoned to offer their condolences and find out what happened. At times, it became too much for Iben, and Anne-Lise took over.

Iben was climbing this ladder on the houseboat, so she couldnt follow what happened on the quay. But a lot of the warehouses have been converted into apartments, and people were watching from their windows because they had heard the shot Iben fired at Zigic. The witnesses all say that Zigic was aiming his gun at Iben. But at the moment he was ready to pull the trigger, Malene called out. No one knows why. She threw herself in front of the gun. Iben was then able to reach the roof and that saved her. The metal ridge protected her.

At some point in every single phone call, the person would wonder about Malenes brave act. They wanted to know more, and Anne-Lises replies became more and more precise.

Yes, its true. Quite remarkable. Ive never heard of anything like it Of course, but what Iben did in Kenya was different. She says so herself, you know. After escaping, when she ran back to the hostages, she didnt think of it as taking a risk. She simply couldnt imagine that the Kenyan police might side with the hostage takers.

Yes, how true that is. Malene was very special. We were so proud to have worked with her. No, I suppose we didnt realize that she had this in her. Anne-Lise isnt completely sorry that Malene is dead.

Sometime after Malenes funeral, Iben puts a large portrait of Malene on the bulletin board. She stops bringing in roses and also suggests to Anne-Lise that the two of them should leave their desks in the library and move into the Winter Garden.

Taking over Malenes place so soon after her death makes Anne-Lise uneasy, but Iben says that its okay with her. Paul and Camilla agree.

Malenes things are put away on a shelf behind Iben, and Anne-Lise takes the seat opposite her. Anne-Lise puts her photo of Henrik and the children almost exactly where Malenes plastic troll used to be.

Until a new project manager is appointed, Iben takes over Malenes tasks. They stop speaking incessantly about Malene during the breaks and move on to other things. As they continue working together on the special Turkey issue, the talk flows easily between the desks in just the way Anne-Lise used to dream it would. Everything is as she hoped it would be when she left Lyngby Central Library. The only problems troubling Anne-Lise are rooted inside her own mind.

Look how they smile, she thinks, sweet as pie, as if they never tried to drive me insane. Of course they tell themselves that never happened. It makes them feel good. And how much better would it be if I managed to forget everything as well? But how can I forgive them? How will I ever be able to trust anyone the way I did just a year and a half ago?

One evening she agrees to go with Henrik to a tasting arranged by his wine club.

He beams and gives her a kiss. Youre my old Anne-Lise again!

The tasting takes place in a large specialist wineshop in sterbro. It is crowded, and everyone seems to be in a good mood. Some come straight from work and are still in their suits. Others, like Henrik, have changed their clothes.

A couple of Henriks old friends from university started the club and most of their circle joined it, mainly because it was a nice way to keep in touch. Henrik and Anne-Lise usually meet many of their old gang.

Nicola rushes up to greet Anne-Lise. Its great that youll be at Jutta and Stigs! And thank you so much for the invitation to your place. Im so pleased that youre your old self again!

Anne-Lise and Nicola see much more of each other these days.

The shops proprietor introduces the first wine and the first round of gla.s.ses are being filled at the long, French-style dining table in the middle of the room.

As one wine follows another, several people come over to say how delighted they are to see Anne-Lise. They must have been talking about me more than I ever realized, she thinks. Its as if shes been away in the hospital with a disease or something.

It all becomes too much for her. She finds Henrik and nods toward a narrow pa.s.sage between two walls of boxes of wine. They slip away from the others.

Henrik, listen. Its good that n.o.body has noticed anything different about me, but it isnt right what theyre all saying: Im not the old Anne-Lise.

Henrik looks stunned, taking a step back and hitting his head against the protruding corner of a box. She must have sounded much more adamant than she intended.

Im trying to behave like a good person, but its such an effort. Im so bitter.

But Anne-Lise, darling.

My head is bursting with fantasies about revenge. You have no idea! And they wont stop. I cant cope with it! Ill never, ever be my old self again! Anne-Lises lips are tightly closed, and she sinks down on a spindly wooden chair.

Henrik sighs, drags a box along to the chair, sits down, and puts an arm around her. He speaks to her gently. You will be yourself again, Anne-Lise. Of course you will. It just wont happen overnight, thats all.