Part 40 (2/2)

At last he speaks: Im not sure I agree with you, but thats not the point. I want you to know that, should we come under Morten Kjrum and shuffle across the road, Ill make it my business to fight to keep you. We mustnt lose you. Taking into account that youre an information officer and not a paid researcher, I must say that youre exceptionally talented. And we need talent. I will emphasize that point to everyone.

Iben feels both relieved and proud. At the same time, shes very aware of the open door; the others are undoubtedly listening.

Thank you thank you very much. Its kind of you to say that.

The whole morning Paul has tried to create a good feeling by praising each of them in turn, but his declaration to Iben proves that she is now at the top of his list.

She walks back to her desk. Her foot hurts less now and its easier to move without a limp. Camilla, who is right outside Pauls door, must have heard everything he said. She doesnt let on, though. Iben tries to catch her eye; Camilla is gazing intently at her computer screen.

If there is a merger, Malene, as project manager, would almost certainly be the first in line to be laid off, even though she has been in her post the longest time. The look on Malenes face now reminds Iben of Cathys, back in that filthy hut, when she realized that Iben had become friendlier with Omoro than the rest of them had. But unlike Cathy, Malene doesnt say anything conciliatory.

Instead, she mimes: Are you coming?

They go to talk in the small storage room where, only two and half months ago, they and Rasmus had played around, hunting for Anne-Lises pa.s.sword.

Malene sits down on the old chair and looks at Iben. Did you truly believe that we were talking about Anne-Lise?

Yes, but you were.

Of course we werent.

But Malene interrupts her. Anne-Lise is hallucinating. And you didnt seem all there yourself. Like you hadnt slept all night. Are you positive about what you did and didnt hear?

Someone walks past in the corridor. Anne-Lise? Iben and Malene are silent until the sound of footsteps has disappeared.

You arent sure, are you? I can see it in your face.

Yes, I am sure.

I cant stand the way we always have to put up with Anne-Lises paranoia. Weve been reasonable. Unlike her, weve acted professionally and done our best to make this place work properly. We tried to help her, even though she shouted at us and Paul refused to give her sick leave.

While Malene speaks she presses the tips of her fingers against the wrist of her other hand. The last time Iben saw her do this was once when they were in Malenes apartment. Malene was lying on the sofa, propped up by a lot of cus.h.i.+ons. She had just said, When Im resting like this, I can hear my bones crumbling, all on their own.

I simply dont understand why youre encouraging her by saying that we were talking about her when we werent.

But you were talking about her.

I dont want to talk about it anymore. Its not too hard to work out what youre up to.

What do you mean?

You dont want to admit it, do you?

Well, youll have to tell me what you mean first All this with Paul and jobs and cooperating with Anne-Lise.

What are you saying? Malene, you mustnt think You know, what that e-mail said about you is absolutely true. Ive always thought so. You are self-righteous.

They are back at their desks. Iben isnt sure that they are friends any longer. She watches as Malene types away on her ergonomic keyboard. How can she concentrate? How is she able to write? Like Iben, she must want to go home. But Malene is a survivor too.

What next? Iben has visions of a future when she will be free to spend time with Gunnar. They will have dinner together, their heads close together, her hands in his, intimate.

Iben starts to leaf through the ma.s.sive pile of doc.u.ments.

Malene is obviously capable of believing that she hasnt said something she really did say. What other things might she do without remembering them afterward? Pour blood into a box file? Send e-mails full of threats?

Iben watches her old friend. She has no idea of whats going on inside Malenes head. Malene feels Iben is looking at her and ignores her. Instead she seems to be engrossed in a couple of folders that are next to the bulletin board.

It couldnt possibly be Malenes voice that Iben heard on the staircase just before Rasmus fell. Until now, Iben thought it was out of the question.

malene.

chapter 41.

One of the first times Iben and I went to the cinema together after she had started at the Center, we were walking across the square in front of city hall and she said, Isnt our city hall unbelievably similar to the main SS guardhouse at Auschwitz-Birkenau? And a little later, Did you see that dog? Its just like the dog that belonged to the a.s.sistant commandant at Treblinka.

Iben hadnt worked long for the DCIG, but she was already thinking constantly about genocide and its psychology. I dont think she has the mental stability you need to work in a place like this; shes too sensitive. Unlike the rest of us, she cant keep her cool. I shouldnt blame her she is who she is. But it drives me absolutely crazy when she stares at me like she thinks Im some kind of n.a.z.i officer about to subject Anne-Lise to the Final Solution. What can you do with a friend who thinks that about you?

She hasnt said it straight out, but she keeps insinuating it. I get so angry with her. What shes saying makes a mockery of people who have experienced real genocide. How can she draw a parallel between their suffering and a spoiled librarians failure to understand why people dont like her? How can Iben see me in terms of a genocidal killer? I think she might be close to a nervous breakdown.

As you may have figured out, I cant help but suspect that its actually Iben who sent the e-mails and exchanged my pills. Im certain shes weird enough to hide The phone rings. Malene gets up from her computer and looks around. She realizes how dark the room has become while she has been writing. Positively gloomy. Sh.e.l.l switch on some lights after she deals with the phone call.

Its Malenes mother. Malene, you really must change the message on your answering machine.

Oh, Mom, I know. I know.

It gives you such a shock, hearing his voice.

I know. Its just one of those things Malene rubs her face with the knuckles on her left hand. You know, I still get bills addressed to him. Like hes still using his cell phone and its awful.

But Malene, changing the voice message isnt just for your sake its about being considerate to other people.

Ill do it. I promise.

Should I really spend money on another answering machine? she thinks. She knows she cant bring herself simply to erase Rasmuss voice. Some nights she plays his recorded greeting repeatedly. She might drink a bottle of white wine, sliding slowly into oblivion as she presses the b.u.t.ton over and over again.

Her mother cuts into her thoughts. It matters to people who call you.

Sooner or later there might be a power cut, Malene thinks. Or someone might fiddle around with the cables and then Id lose his message anyway. I should definitely buy a new machine.

Her mother says that she b.u.mped into a few old friends in Kolding. Theyd heard about Rasmus and expressed their sympathy for Malene.

You must let us know if there is anything that Dad or I can do for you. Anything at all. We worry about you so much.

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