Part 68 (1/2)

”Besides,” Yanni said, ”you're a man of principle. And humans don't stop learning things, just because they might be risky: if this insight of yours is correct you're only a few decades ahead of someone else finding it on his own. And who knows, that researcher might not have your principles-or your leverage.”

”Leverage! I can't get my brother a visit with his father!”

”You can get a h.e.l.l of a lot if you work it right.”

”Oh, dammit! dammit! Are we down to sell-outs, now? Are we through doing morality today?” Are we down to sell-outs, now? Are we through doing morality today?”

”Your brother. Grant's a whole lot of things with you. Isn't he?”

”Go to h.e.l.l!”

”Not related to you. I merely point out you do an interesting double value set there. You're muddy in a lot of sensitive areas-including a little tendency to suspect every success you have, a tendency to see yourself perpetually as a nexus defined by other people-Jordan's son, Grant's-brother, Administration's hostage. Less as a human being than as a focus of all these demands. You You have importance, Justin, unto yourself. You're a man thirty-thirty-one years old. Time you asked yourself what Justin is.” have importance, Justin, unto yourself. You're a man thirty-thirty-one years old. Time you asked yourself what Justin is.”

”We are are into eetee psych, aren't we?” into eetee psych, aren't we?”

”I'm handing it out free today. You're not responsible for the universe. You're not responsible for a d.a.m.n thing that flows from things you didn't have the capacity to control. Maybe you are are responsible for finding out what you responsible for finding out what you could could control, if you wanted to, if you'd stop looking at other people's problems and start taking a look at your own capabilities-which, as I say, probably qualify you as a Special. Which also answers a lot of questions about why you control, if you wanted to, if you'd stop looking at other people's problems and start taking a look at your own capabilities-which, as I say, probably qualify you as a Special. Which also answers a lot of questions about why you have have problems: lack of adequate boundaries. problems: lack of adequate boundaries. Lack Lack of them, son. All the Specials have the problem. It's real hard to understand humanity when you keep attributing to everyone around you the complexity of your own thinking. You have quite a few very bright minds around you-enough to keep you convinced that's ordinary. Jordan's, particularly: he's got the age advantage, doesn't he, and you've always confused him with G.o.d. You think about it. You know all this with the Rubin kid. Apply it closer to home. Do us all a favor.” of them, son. All the Specials have the problem. It's real hard to understand humanity when you keep attributing to everyone around you the complexity of your own thinking. You have quite a few very bright minds around you-enough to keep you convinced that's ordinary. Jordan's, particularly: he's got the age advantage, doesn't he, and you've always confused him with G.o.d. You think about it. You know all this with the Rubin kid. Apply it closer to home. Do us all a favor.”

”Why don't you just explain what you want me to do? I'm real tired, Yanni. I give. You name it, I'll do it.”

”Survive.”

He blinked. Bit his lip.

”Going to break down on me?” Yanni asked.

The haze was gone. The tears were gone. He was only embarra.s.sed, and mad enough to break Yanni's neck.

Yanni smiled at him. Smug as h.e.l.l.

”I could kill you,” Justin said.

”No, you couldn't,” Yanni said. ”It's not in your profile. You divert everything inward. You'll never quite cure that tendency. It's what makes you a lousy clinician and a d.a.m.ned good designer. Grant Grant can survive the stress-if you don't put it on him. Hear me?” can survive the stress-if you don't put it on him. Hear me?”

”Yes.”

”Thought so. So don't do it. Go back to your office and tell him I'm putting his application through again.”

”I'm not going to. It's getting too sensitive. He's He's hurting, Yanni. I can't take that.” hurting, Yanni. I can't take that.”

Yanni bit his lip. ”All right. Don't tell him. Do you understand why why it's a problem, Justin? They're afraid of the military grabbing him.” it's a problem, Justin? They're afraid of the military grabbing him.”

”G.o.d. Why?” Why?”

”Power move. You can tell him that. I'm not supposed to tell you. I'm breaking security. There's a rift in Defense. There's a certain faction that's proposing the nationalization of Reseune. That's the new move. Lu's health is going. Rejuv failure. He's got at most a couple more years. Gorodin is becoming increasingly isolated from the Secretariat in Defense. He may get a challenge to his seat. That hasn't happened since the war. An election in the military. There's the head of Military Research, throwing more and more weight behind the head of Intelligence. Khalid. Vladislaw Khalid. If you're afraid of something, Justin, -be afraid of that name. That faction could use use an incident. So could Gorodin's. Fabricated, would serve just as well. You're in danger. Grant-more so. All they have to do is arrest him at the airport, claim he was carrying doc.u.ments-G.o.d knows what. Denys will have my head for telling you this. an incident. So could Gorodin's. Fabricated, would serve just as well. You're in danger. Grant-more so. All they have to do is arrest him at the airport, claim he was carrying doc.u.ments-G.o.d knows what. Denys will have my head for telling you this. I I wanted to keep you out of it, not disrupt your work with it- Grant's not getting a travel pa.s.s right now. wanted to keep you out of it, not disrupt your work with it- Grant's not getting a travel pa.s.s right now. You You couldn't get one. That's the truth. Tell Grant-if it helps. For G.o.d's sake-tell him somewhere private.” couldn't get one. That's the truth. Tell Grant-if it helps. For G.o.d's sake-tell him somewhere private.”

”You mean they are are bugging us.” bugging us.”

”I don't know. I can answer for in here. We're off the record right now.”

”You say say we are-” we are-”

”I say say we are. If Gorodin survives the election we're sure is going to be called-you'll be safer. If not-nothing is safe. We'll lose our majority in Council. After that I don't lay bets we are. If Gorodin survives the election we're sure is going to be called-you'll be safer. If not-nothing is safe. We'll lose our majority in Council. After that I don't lay bets what what will stay safe. If we lose our A.T. status, so will Planys. You understand me?” will stay safe. If we lose our A.T. status, so will Planys. You understand me?”

”I understand you.” The old feeling settled back again. Game resumed. He felt sick at his stomach. And a h.e.l.l of a lot steadier with things as-they-were. ”If you're telling me the truth-”

”If I'm telling you the truth you'd better wake up and take care of yourself. Next few years are going to be h.e.l.l, son. Real h.e.l.l. Lu's going to die. It's an appointive post. Lu could resign, but that's no good. Whoever gets in can appoint a new Secretary. Lu's wrecking his health, holding on, trying to handle the kind of infighting he's so d.a.m.n good at. Gorodin's in s.p.a.ce too much. Too isolate from his command structure. Lu's trying to help Gorodin ride out the storm-but Lu's ability to pay off political debtors is diminis.h.i.+ng rapidly, the closer he comes to the wall. He's balancing factions within his own faction. Question is-how long can he stay alive-in either sense?”

viii The Filly made the circuit of the barn arena again, flaring her nostrils and blowing, and Ari watched her, watched Florian, so sure and so graceful on the Filly's back.

Beside her, arms folded, Catlin watched-so did Andy, and a lot of the AG staff. Not the first time any of them had seen Florian and the Filly at work, but it was the first time the AG staff and Administration was going to let her her try it. Uncle Denys was there-uncle Giraud was in Novgorod, where he spent most of his time nowadays: they were having an election-a man named Khalid was running against Gorodin, of Defense, and everybody in Reseune was upset about it. try it. Uncle Denys was there-uncle Giraud was in Novgorod, where he spent most of his time nowadays: they were having an election-a man named Khalid was running against Gorodin, of Defense, and everybody in Reseune was upset about it. She She was, since what she heard about Khalid meant another court fight if he did what he was threatening to do. But an election took months and months for all the results to get in from the ends of everywhere in s.p.a.ce, and uncle Denys took time out of his schedule to come down to the barn: he had insisted if she was going to break anything he wanted to be there to call the ambulance this time. Amy Carnath was there; and so was Sam; and 'Stasi and Maddy and Tommy. It made Ari a little nervous. She had never meant her first try with the Filly to turn into an Occasion, with so much audience. was, since what she heard about Khalid meant another court fight if he did what he was threatening to do. But an election took months and months for all the results to get in from the ends of everywhere in s.p.a.ce, and uncle Denys took time out of his schedule to come down to the barn: he had insisted if she was going to break anything he wanted to be there to call the ambulance this time. Amy Carnath was there; and so was Sam; and 'Stasi and Maddy and Tommy. It made Ari a little nervous. She had never meant her first try with the Filly to turn into an Occasion, with so much audience.

Florian had been working the Filly and teaching her for months-had even gone so far as to make a skill tape, patched himself up with sensors from head to foot while he put the Filly through every move she could make, and kept a pocket-cam focused right past her ears-all to teach her her how to keep her balance and how to react to the Filly's moves. It was as close to riding as she had come until today. It felt wonderful. how to keep her balance and how to react to the Filly's moves. It was as close to riding as she had come until today. It felt wonderful.

Uncle Giraud said, being uncle Giraud, that tape had real commercial possibilities.

Florian brought the Filly back quite nicely, to a little oh and a little applause from the kids-which upset the Filly and made her throw her head. But she calmed down, and Florian climbed down very sedately and held the reins out to her.

”Sera?” he said. Ari took a breath and walked up to him and the Filly.

She had warned warned everybody to be quiet. It was a deathly hush now. Everyone was watching; and she so wanted to do things right and not embarra.s.s herself or scare anyone. everybody to be quiet. It was a deathly hush now. Everyone was watching; and she so wanted to do things right and not embarra.s.s herself or scare anyone.

”Left foot,” Florian whispered, in case she forgot. ”I'll lead her just a little till you get the feel of it, sera.”

She had to stretch to reach the stirrup. She got it and got the saddle and got on without disgracing herself. The Filly moved then with Florian leading, and all of a sudden she felt the tape, felt the motion settle right where muscle and bone knew it should, just an easy give.

She felt like crying, and clamped her jaw tight, because she was not going to do that. Or look like a fool, with Florian leading her around. ”I've got it,” she said. ”Give me the reins, Florian.”

He stopped the Filly and pa.s.sed them over the Filly's head for her. He looked terribly anxious.

”Please, sera, don't let her get away from you. She's nervous with all these people.” sera, don't let her get away from you. She's nervous with all these people.”

”I've got her,” she said. ”It's all right.”

And she was very prudent, starting the Filly off at a sedate walk, letting the Filly get used to her being up instead of Florian, when for months and months she had had to stand at the rail and watch Florian get to ride-and watch Florian take a few falls too, figuring out what n.o.body this side of old Earth knew how to do. Once the Filly had fallen, a terrible spill, and Florian had been out for a few seconds, just absolutely limp; but he had gotten up swearing it was not the Filly, she had lost her footing, he had felt it-and he had staggered over and hugged the Filly and gotten back on while she and Catlin stood there with their hands clenched.

Now she took the Filly away from him, for the Filly's really public coming-out, and she knew Florian was sweating and suffering every step she took-knowing sera could be a fool; the way Catlin was probably doing the same, knowing if anything went wrong it was only Florian stood a chance of doing anything.

She was fourteen today; and she had too much audience to be a fool. She was amazingly sensible, she rode the Filly at a walk and kept her at a walk, anxious as the Filly started trying to move-no, Florian had said: if she tries to break and pick her own pace, don't let her do that, she's not supposed to, and she's bad about that.

Florian had told her every tiny move the Filly tended to make, and where she could lose her footing, and where she tried to get her own way.

So she just stopped that move the instant the Filly tried it, not not easy, no, the Filly had a trick of stretching her neck against the rein and going like she was suddenly half-G for a few paces: she was glad she had not let the Filly run the first time she was up on her; but the Filly minded well enough when she made her. easy, no, the Filly had a trick of stretching her neck against the rein and going like she was suddenly half-G for a few paces: she was glad she had not let the Filly run the first time she was up on her; but the Filly minded well enough when she made her.

It was not, of course, the show she wanted to make. She wanted to come racing up at a dead run and give everyone a real scare; but that was Florian's part, Florian got to do that: she she got to be responsible. got to be responsible.

She pa.s.sed her audience, so self-conscious she could hardly stand it-she hated hated being responsible; and uncle Denys was probably still nervous. She came around to where Florian was standing by the rail, and stopped the Filly there, because he was walking out to talk to her. being responsible; and uncle Denys was probably still nervous. She came around to where Florian was standing by the rail, and stopped the Filly there, because he was walking out to talk to her.