Part 49 (2/2)

No way in h.e.l.l to continue with the bill. Anything Anything that involved drawn-out procedures could intersect with future events in very unpredictable ways. that involved drawn-out procedures could intersect with future events in very unpredictable ways.

While I consider the investigation ultimately necessary in the public interest, it seems inappropriate to proceed at this time. That was the sentence his speechwriters were still hammering out. That was the sentence his speechwriters were still hammering out.

He was d.a.m.ned to look bad no matter what he did. He had thought of demanding an investigation into the child's welfare, and raising the issue of Reseune's creating the child precisely to s.h.i.+eld those records.

The whole Centrist party suddenly found itself saddled with a serious position problem.

viii Nelly helped her take the blouse off-it fastened on the bad shoulder, and the sleeve was cut and fastened back together, so it would come on and off over the cast. She had several of the same kind, and she wore things with jackets, that she could wear draped over the shoulder on the right side.

She felt better then. She had to take a shower with a plastic bag taped and sealed around her arm, and when she came out again, Nelly helped her take the tape off and get into her pajamas.

Nelly was upset, Ari could feel it, and she knew she shouldn't let her mad get loose with Nelly, she shouldn't let it get loose with anybody.

”I'm not going to bed yet,” she said when Nelly wanted to put her there, and Nelly said: ”You're supposed to.”

Which made her want to hit Nelly, or to cry, both of which were stupid. So she said, very patiently: ”Nelly, let me alone and go to bed. Right now.”

She had been to maman's memorial service today. She had gotten through it and not cried, at least she had not made a scene like Victoria Stra.s.sen, who had sniffed and hiccuped and finally Security had walked over and talked to her. She had never met aunt Victoria. She was already mad at her. Maman would have been mad at her, even if she was maman's half sister. Herself, she had sores on the inside of her mouth where she had bitten down to keep from crying, and she didn't mind, that was all right, it was better than aunt Victoria.

I want you to think about going, want you to think about going, uncle Denys had said. uncle Denys had said. You don't have to, understand. I'm sure your maman wouldn't mind one way or the other: you know how she felt about formal stuff- She's gone to the sun at Fargone: that's a s.p.a.cer funeral, and your maman was a s.p.a.cer before she lived at Reseune. But here in the House we do things a little differently: we go out in the East Garden, where all the memorials are, if the weather's such we can, or somewhere-and your maman's friends will tell a few stories about your maman, that's the way we do. I don't want you to go if it's going to upset you; but I thought you might want to hear those things, and it might help you learn about your maman, who she was when she was young, and all the things she did. If you don't want to, don't go. If you want to go and then change your mind, all you have to do is pull at my sleeve and you and I will just walk out the gate and no one will think anything about it: children don't always go to these things. Not even all the friends do. It just depends on the person, whether they feel they need to, you understand? You don't have to, understand. I'm sure your maman wouldn't mind one way or the other: you know how she felt about formal stuff- She's gone to the sun at Fargone: that's a s.p.a.cer funeral, and your maman was a s.p.a.cer before she lived at Reseune. But here in the House we do things a little differently: we go out in the East Garden, where all the memorials are, if the weather's such we can, or somewhere-and your maman's friends will tell a few stories about your maman, that's the way we do. I don't want you to go if it's going to upset you; but I thought you might want to hear those things, and it might help you learn about your maman, who she was when she was young, and all the things she did. If you don't want to, don't go. If you want to go and then change your mind, all you have to do is pull at my sleeve and you and I will just walk out the gate and no one will think anything about it: children don't always go to these things. Not even all the friends do. It just depends on the person, whether they feel they need to, you understand?

Florian and Catlin had not gone. They were too young and they were azi, uncle Denys said, and they didn't understand CIT funerals.

You don't want them to have to take tape for it, uncle Denys had said. uncle Denys had said.

She was terribly, terribly glad it was over. She felt bruised inside the way she was outside, and uncle Denys kept giving her aspirin, and Dr. Ivanov had given her a shot he said would make her feel a little wobbly, but it would help her get through the services.

She wished he hadn't. She had wanted to hear some of it clearer, and it all rolled around in her head and echoed.

It still did, but she put Nelly out the door and told Nelly send Catlin and Florian and go to bed and take the tape Dr. Ivanov wanted her to have.

”Yes,” Nelly said, looking miserable.

Ari bit her lip again. She wanted that badly to yell at her. Instead she went and fed her fish, and watched them chase after the food and dodge in and out of the weeds. There were a lot of babies. One of the big ones had had hers. And there was her prettiest male who was in the tank with all the ugly females, to see if the babies would be prettier. Florian could net him out for her and put him back in his regular tank: she was afraid of hurting him with the net, working with her left hand.

Tomorrow. She was not in the mood to do anything with them tonight.

Catlin and Florian came in, still in their uniforms, and looking worried, the way they had been constantly since they found out about maman. They didn't understand half how it felt, she knew that, but they were hurting all the same, because she hurt.

Florian had told her he felt terribly guilty about her arm and then her maman, and asked her if there was anything they could do.

She wished there were. But he couldn't be guilty, he just felt bad: she told him that, and asked him if he needed tape, the way she was supposed to if her azi came to her.

Uncle Denys had told her that.

”No,” Florian had said, very quick, very definite. ”We don't want to. What if you needed us, and we'd be in hospital? No. We don't want that.”

Now: ”I want you to stay here tonight,” she said when they came in.

”Yes, sera,” Florian said; and: ”We'll get our stuff,” Catlin said, as if both of them were happy then.

She felt better when they were with her, when no one else was. It was hard to go out where there were people, like going out with no clothes on, like she was made out of gla.s.s and people would know everything inside her and find out everything she didn't want everyone to know. But she never felt that way with Florian and Catlin. They were her real friends, and they could sleep in the same room and sit around in just their pajamas together, even if Florian was a boy.

And with the door shut and with just them, she could stop having that knotted-up feeling that made her broken arm ache and made her feel sick at her stomach and tired, so tired of hurting.

”They said a lot of nice things about maman,” she said when they had gotten their pallets made in the corner and gotten into their pajamas and settled down on the end of her bed.

A lot of the staff had really been maman's friends. A lot of them were really sorry and really missed her. Aunt Victoria was sorry and scared, when Security came and probably told her to stop crying or asked her to leave; then aunt Victoria had been really, really mad: so aunt Victoria had left the garden right after that, on her own, while Dr. Ivanov was telling how maman had run Wing One.

There were a lot of things she wished she could talk about out loud with Florian and Catlin. But she was was going to tell them, that was no problem. It just took longer. going to tell them, that was no problem. It just took longer.

There had been a lot of upset people there, at the services, and it was strange how they Felt different than the reporters. The reporters had been sorry. Reseune was sorry too; but a lot of them Felt mad like her mad, which was maybe because it wasn't fair people had to die at all; but there had been so many different flavors of mad there, so many different flavors of being sorry, not at all like the reporters, but very strong, very complicated, all the way down past what she could pick up on their faces.

Justin and Grant had been there. Grant was one of the only azi.

A lot of grown people had said how maman had been their teacher, and they really loved her.

Dr. Schwartz had said maman and he used to fight a lot so loud that everybody in the halls could hear it, but that was because she never would take second best about anything; and he said whatever she set up at RESEUNEs.p.a.cE was going to be all right, because that was the way maman always did things.

That made her remember her maman's voice echoing out of the bedroom, right through the walls: Dammit, Ollie- Dammit, Ollie- And made her feel warm all over, like maman was yelling at her: And made her feel warm all over, like maman was yelling at her: Dammit, straighten up, Ari, don't give me any of that nonsense. That doesn't get anywhere with me. Dammit, straighten up, Ari, don't give me any of that nonsense. That doesn't get anywhere with me.

Like maman was back for a second. Like she was there, there, inside, just then. Or anytime she wanted to think about her. She wasn't at Fargone anymore. inside, just then. Or anytime she wanted to think about her. She wasn't at Fargone anymore.

Ollie was. And a lot of the Disappeareds might be.

She had thought on the plane coming home-who in the House just might know a lot of things.

And who she could scare into telling her.

ix ”You're a d.a.m.n fool,” Yanni said, and Justin looked him in the eye and said: ”That's no news. It's all there in the memo. Probably you think I have ulterior motives-which isn't the case. Nothing against John Edwards. Nothing against anyone. I don't even know I'm right. Just-” He shrugged. It was easy to go too far with Yanni, and he had probably gone there, high and wide. Time to stage a retreat, he reckoned. Fast. ”I'll go get back to my my business,” he said. ”I'll have the GY project in tomorrow morning.” business,” he said. ”I'll have the GY project in tomorrow morning.”

”Stay put.”

He sank back into the chair, chair, under Yanni's scowl. under Yanni's scowl.

”You think the kid doesn't have enough stress,” Yanni said.

”I don't mean that. You know I don't mean that.”

”Son, Administration is just a little wrought up just now. So am I. I appreciate the fact you don't hate the kid, you really think you see something-but you know, we're all tired, we're all frayed around the edges, and I really hope you haven't gone anywhere else with this.”

”No. I haven't.”

”You know what I think you're doing?”

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