Part 41 (1/2)

She would really like to do it to Amy Carnath.

But that was where you stopped thinking about like-to and knew how wide that would go, all over the place, and Amy would really be dead, which meant something you couldn't take back and you couldn't Work and you couldn't get Hold of.

You got a lot more by Working people, if you had the time.

That was something she showed Florian and Catlin a little about. But not too much. First, they were azi, and you couldn't push them and it was hard to show them without doing doing it; and, second, she didn't want them learning how to do it at her. it; and, second, she didn't want them learning how to do it at her.

For one thing she had to be best at it. She was their Super.

For another, they made her scared sometimes; sometimes she really wanted them, and sometimes she wished she didn't have them, because they made her mad and they made her laugh and they made her think sometimes, in the middle of the night, that she shouldn't like them that much, because maman might not let them come.

She didn't know why she thought that, but it hurt a lot, and she hated it when people made her scared; and she hated it when people made her hurt.

”We shouldn't get in trouble, ” she said to Florian and Catlin, when they were in the room after Nelly had scolded them; and finally, because it was on her mind, sneaked up on what she had been wanting to tell them for a long time, but it was hard to put words on it and it made her stomach upset. ”I know a lot of people who aren't here anymore. You get in trouble and they get Disappeared. ”

”What's that?” Florian asked.

”They just aren't here anymore. ”

”Dead?” Catlin asked.

Her heart jumped. She shook her head, hard. ”Just Disappeared. Out to Fargone or somewhere. ” The next was hard to talk about. She warned them with her face to be real quiet or she would be mad, because it wasn't Nelly she was going to talk about. ”My maman and her azi got Disappeared. She didn't want to. Uncle Denys said she had real important business out on Fargone. Maybe that's so. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's what they tell you because you're a kid. A lot of kids got Disappeared, too. That's why I'm real careful. You've got to be careful. ”

”If anybody Disappears us, ” Catlin said, ”we'll come back. ”

That was like Catlin. Catlin would, would, too, Ari thought, or at least Catlin and Florian would do a lot of damage. too, Ari thought, or at least Catlin and Florian would do a lot of damage.

”My maman is real smart, ” she said, ”and Ollie is real strong, and I'm not sure they just grab you. I think maybe they Work you, you know, they psych you. ”

”Who's our Enemy?” Florian asked.

It was the way they thought. Her heart beat hard. She had never, ever talked about it with anyone. She had never, ever thought about it the way the azi did, without being in the middle of it. Things suddenly made sense when you thought the way they did, straight and plain, without worrying. And when you thought: what if it could could be an Enemy? She sat trying to think about who could do things like grab people and psych people and Disappear strong grown-up people without them being able to do anything about it. be an Enemy? She sat trying to think about who could do things like grab people and psych people and Disappear strong grown-up people without them being able to do anything about it.

She dragged Florian real close and whispered right into his ear between her two hands, the way you had to do if you really wanted something to be secret, because of the Minder-and if they were talking about an Enemy, you didn't know where you were safe. ”I think it might be Giraud. But he's not a regular Enemy. He can give you orders. He can give Security orders. ”

Florian looked real upset. Catlin elbowed him and he leaned over and whispered in Catlin's ear the same way.

Then Catlin looked scared, and Catlin didn't do that. She pulled Catlin close and whispered: ”That's the only one I know could have Got my maman. ”

Catlin whispered in her ear: ”Then you have to Get him first. ”

”He might not be it!” she whispered.

She sat and she thought, while Catlin pa.s.sed it to Florian. Florian said something back, and then leaned forward and said to her: ”We shouldn't be talking about this now. ” She looked at Florian, upset.

”An Older is real dangerous, ” Florian said. And in the faintest whisper of all: ”Please, sera. Tomorrow. Outside. ”

They understood her, then. They believed her, not just because they were azi. What she said made sense to them. She tucked up her legs in her arms and felt shaky and stupid and mad at herself; and at the same time thought she had not put a lot of things together because she hadn't had any way of making it make sense. She had thought things just happened because they happened, because they had always happened and the world was that way. But that was stupid. It wasn't just things that happened, people made things happen, and Florian and Catlin knew that the way she should have known it if it hadn't always been there, all the time.

What's unusual? was a game they played. Florian or Catlin would say: What's unusual in the living room? And they timed how long it took you to find it. Once or twice she beat Catlin and once she beat Florian at finding it; a couple of times she set things up they had to give on. She wasn't stupid about things like that. But she felt that way about this. was a game they played. Florian or Catlin would say: What's unusual in the living room? And they timed how long it took you to find it. Once or twice she beat Catlin and once she beat Florian at finding it; a couple of times she set things up they had to give on. She wasn't stupid about things like that. But she felt that way about this.

The stupid part was thinking things had to be the way they were. The stupid part was that she had thought when maman went away, that someone had made her go, but then she had just fitted everything together so that wasn't so important-if maman had had to go without her, it was because she was too young and it was too dangerous. And that that was what she had been looking at, when the Something Unusual was sitting right in plain sight beside it. was what she had been looking at, when the Something Unusual was sitting right in plain sight beside it.

The stupid part now was the way she still didn't want to think all the way to the end of it, about how if there was an enemy and he Got maman, she didn't really know whether maman was all right; and she was scared.

She remembered arguing with uncle Denys about the party last year. And her not wanting Giraud to come; and uncle Denys said: That's not nice, Ari. He's my brother. That's not nice, Ari. He's my brother.

That was scary too.

That was scary, because uncle Giraud might get uncle Denys to do things. Uncle Giraud had Security; and they might get into her letters. They might just stop the letters going to maman at all.

And that tore up everything. everything.

Stupid. Stupid.

She felt sick all over. And she couldn't ask uncle Denys what was true. Denys would say: He's my brother. He's my brother.

iv Giraud poured more water and drank, tracking on the reports, bored while the tutors argued over the relative merits of two essays, one out of archives, one current.

Denys, Peterson, Edwards, Ivanov, and Morley: all of them around a table, discussing the implications of vocabulary choice in eight-year-olds. It was not Giraud's field. It was, G.o.d help them, Peterson's.

”The verbal development, ” Peterson said, in the stultifying murmur that was Peterson in full display, ”is point seven off, the significant anomaly in the Gonner Developmentals.... ”

”I don't think there's any cause for worry, ” Denys said. ”The difference is Jane and Olga, not Ari and Ari. ”

”Of course there is some argument that the Gonner battery is weighted away from concept. Hermann Poling maintained in his article in-”

It went on. Giraud drew small squares on his notepaper. Peterson did good work. Ask him a question, he had a pre-recorded lecture. Teacher's disease. Colleagues and strangers got the same as his juvenile subjects.

”In sum, ” Giraud said, finally, when the water was at half in his gla.s.s, and his paper was full of squares. ”In sum, in brief, then, you believe the difference was Olga. ”

”The Poling article-”

”Yes. Of course. And you don't think corrective tape is necessary. ”

”The other scores indicate a very substantial correspondence-”

”What John means-” Edwards said, ”is that she's understanding everything, she knows the words, but so much of her development was precocious, she had an internal vocabulary worked out that for her is a kind of shorthand. ”

”There may be a downside effect to insisting on a s.h.i.+ft of vocabulary, ” Denys said. ”Possibly it doesn't doesn't describe what she's seeing. She simply prefers slang and her own internal jargon, which I haven't tried to discourage. She does know the words, the tests prove that. Also, I'm not certain we're seeing the whole picture. I rather well think she's resisting some of the exams. ” describe what she's seeing. She simply prefers slang and her own internal jargon, which I haven't tried to discourage. She does know the words, the tests prove that. Also, I'm not certain we're seeing the whole picture. I rather well think she's resisting some of the exams. ”

”Why?”

”Jane, ” Denys said. ”The child hasn't forgotten. I hoped the letters would taper off with time. I hoped that the azi could make a difference in that. ”

”You don't think, ” Edwards said, ”that the way that was handled-tended to make her cling to that stage; I mean, a subconscious emphasis on that stage of her life, a clinging to those memories, a refusal-as it were, to leave that stage, a kind of waiting. ”

”That's an interesting theory, ” Giraud said, leaning forward on his arms. ”Is there any particular reason?”