Part 36 (1/2)

'I know you did, but I don't take orders from you. And I wanted to try and put it right-I always have done-so I decided to try and find David.'

'You went and looked for him?' he said, dumbfounded.

'Yes.'

'You mean, you've deliberately stirred all this up again, when it was long dead and buried?'

'It wasn't dead and buried for me.'

'But don't you realize the damage you could cause to yourself-and to me-if this ever gets out?'

I nodded. 'Oh yes. I realize that very well.'

He got up and walked over to the window. I could see the muscles in his jaw tense and flex as he peered through the slats in the Venetian blind. 'Do you want money, Miranda? Is that it?' he asked quietly.

'Don't be obscene.'

He turned and stared at me. 'Then what do you want? I mean, what is your real purpose in raking all this up again-quite unnecessarily-unless it's to try and destroy me?'

'That's not the reason at all. I just want justice for David. His life was shattered that day-thanks to you. And every time he looks at his hands, he's reminded of what happened.'

There was a moment's silence, in which I saw Jimmy swallow. 'And did you give him my name?' I just looked at him, making him wait, enjoying his anxiety. 'Did you?' he repeated. He gave me a defiant glare, but he s.h.i.+fted slightly from foot to foot.

'No.' His face seemed almost to collapse with relief. 'He asked me, of course, but I decided, for now, not to tell him.'

'Well don't! Just keep your trap shut, like I said!'

'What I did tell him,' I went on quite calmly, 'was that although I delivered the video, I didn't have the faintest idea what it really was. And that's perfectly true, isn't it?' There was another silence.

'Yes,' he conceded. 'That's true.' I was aware of the vibrations of the tiny tape recorder and prayed that it was working properly.

'You tricked me into partic.i.p.ating in a criminal act which could have resulted in the death of either David, or his father, or his mother, or brother, and I am now going to ask you why. And if you refuse to tell me, then I promise you I will tell David your real name, and exactly who you are. You've got about three minutes until your secretary gets back, Jimmy, so I suggest you start right now.'

'Will you stop calling me Jimmy-my name is James,' he snapped. 'And I'm going to call security and have you slung out.'

'If you do, I'll go to the press.'

'They won't be able to print it.'

'Why not?'

'Because I'll slap a libel suit on them-that's why. I can easily afford it, Miranda-and I'll win.'

'But you'll be tainted, Jimmy. Imagine the headlines. They'll stick to you for the rest of your life.'

'It'll be your word against mine. The word of a woman who was infatuated with me-and who was, moreover, well known to the police at that time for her little adventures on the animal rights front. No one will believe you, Miranda,' he added smoothly. 'You'll only end up destroying yourself. I've kept all your letters, by the way.'

My heart sank. 'I thought you might have done.'

'Well, I guessed-accurately, as it turns out-that you'd make trouble for me one day. Those letters prove how obsessed with me you were.'

'Yes. I was. To my shame.'

'And now that you've met me again, and discovered that I'm very successful, and yes, very happily married, you've decided to take your revenge. That's how you'll look by the time my QC's finished with you. Like a bitter, scorned woman, out to destroy a decent man.'

'I don't care how I'll look. I only care about David knowing the truth. So I just want you to tell me. And if you don't, I'll ring him on my mobile, right now, and give him your name.' I got the phone out of my bag. 'Once he knows your ident.i.ty, he'll be perfectly ent.i.tled to go to the police, and you may then find yourself at the centre of a highly publicized civil case. David is ent.i.tled to compensation from you for his injured hands, and he may well seek it.'

Jimmy's face had gone grey. 'You'll be tarnished too,' he muttered. 'Your TV career will be over.'

'I know. But that's the risk I've taken.'

'But I still don't understand,' he whined. 'Why the h.e.l.l would you want to go and look for the guy?'

'I've already explained: because I no longer wanted to live with the guilt. And if you don't tell me why you targeted Derek White in the next two minutes, Jimmy, I'll ring David's number.'

'I've told you my name is James,' he hissed. 'James Mulholland-got that?'

'I'm sorry. But it's hard for me to remember, because when I knew you, you were plain Jimmy Smith. More importantly, you were the animal rights campaigner who deplored violence. Although...now I think about it... I remember what you used to say. You used to say that violence was unacceptable because it ”attracted bad publicity for the animal rights movement”-not, interestingly, because it was wrong. Even so, I had no idea you were capable of what you did that day. Perhaps you'd even done it before.'

'No,' he said sullenly. He sat down again. 'I hadn't.'

'So why did you do it then?' I saw the muscle at the side of his mouth flex and jump. 'Why did you try to kill Derek White?'

'I wasn't trying to kill him,' he moaned, his head sinking slightly. 'I just...' he shrugged, '...wanted to give him a bit of a...shock. He'd been such a b.a.s.t.a.r.d to me, after all.'

'Had he?'

'Yes,' he said angrily. 'He had.'

I felt goose-b.u.mps begin to raise themselves on my arms as I sensed the truth coming, at last. 'So what had he done then?' I asked softly, almost sympathetically.

'Oh, plenty of things,' he replied. 'Plenty,' he repeated, between clenched teeth. He shook his head again. 'If it hadn't been for him, I would have...' He stopped himself, then drew in a long breath through his nose.

'If it hadn't been for him-what?' There was silence for a moment, during which I was aware of the steady ticking of the clock.

'He had it in for me,' Jimmy went on sourly. 'He really had it in for me.' Now, he seemed almost to forget I was there, as the bitter memories came flooding back. 'White never liked me-in fact, he hated me. He made that clear from the start.'

'You were one of his students?' I asked. 'I never knew that.'

He nodded. 'I was in his microbiology set. And whatever I did was never good enough,' he spat. 'However hard I worked, I got low grades. Then, in my last year, he f.u.c.ked me over. He f.u.c.ked me right over. Why? Because he didn't like me. I should have complained. Because if it hadn't been for that, I would have been perfectly okay; I would have got a...' He suddenly seemed to collect himself.

'You would have got a what?'

'Oh, never you mind,' he muttered. 'But the point is, I didn't mean to do him any serious harm. I only wanted to make him jump. It was just...a firework,' he went on. 'A firework with a bit of sodium nitrate. But I'd obviously got the strength wrong. Then I heard what had happened, and, yes, it was...' he shrugged, '...regrettable.'

I laughed. 'You sound like Gerry Adams.'

'Look, I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt.'

'David White had to have a total of thirteen operations on his hands-five on his left one and eight on his right. He had to leave Cambridge, where he was studying medicine, early. He had flashbacks for years. He will bear the physical and emotional scars of what you did to him for the rest of his life.'