Part 21 (1/2)

'Yes, but what you went through was a thousand times worse. Mine was just a common or garden mugging, David; it wasn't nice, but I can get over it. But you-you...' I stared out of the window again, my eyes br.i.m.m.i.n.g now with unshed tears. 'You could have been killed.' I could have killed you.

'The device wasn't big enough-though I don't know whether they knew that, as the police said it wasn't a particularly competent job. But yes, I could have been, I suppose; or my dad could have been, because of course it was intended for him. But, you know, that was weird in itself, because he wasn't involved in animal experiments at all. I mean, he had a pet rat in his lab, Rupert, which he'd actually saved from vivisection. But most of his research was plant-based. That's why he was never able to understand it. To his dying day it totally mystified him. He always a.s.sumed that they'd targeted him out of ignorance.'

Why did Jimmy do it, I wondered again. Why?

'And no one was ever caught,' I murmured.

'No, they weren't. How do you know that?'

'No, I-I don't know that-I was just asking you. No-one was ever caught-were they?'

'No. There were no witnesses. The device was delivered very early, you see. No one knows exactly what time.' Five a.m. 'The milkman said he thought he'd seen a slim figure cycling away.'

'Really?'

'But it turned out to be the paper girl.'

'Oh.'

'The investigation went on for several months. But all the hard-core animal rights extremists were in the clear because they had alibis. That's what's been so hard, I think. I got over the physical injuries a long time ago-I was young-I healed. But the psychological effect has never left me-partly because I never had anyone to blame. This totally unknown person turned my whole life upside down that morning-they detonated it. Literally. And to this day I have no idea who that person was, or what it was that motivated them.' A silence descended, punctuated only by the hum of the engine.

'And would you want to know? I mean, if it were possible to find out? Would you want to know who they were?'

'Well, that's not very likely as it was so long ago.'

'But if you could, somehow, discover who it was-would you want to find out?'

'Yes. I would. Of course I would. I'd like to come face to face with that person.'

I felt my sternum tighten, as though a large screw was being turned in my chest. 'And then what?' I whispered. 'What would you do?'

'What would I do?' he repeated blankly. 'I really don't know.'

'Do you think you'd be able to forgive them?'

'Forgive them? Do you think you could forgive the men who mugged you?'

'Well, if they said that they were truly sorry for what they did and gave me back my things-not that that's a very likely scenario-then yes, I probably could. If someone's genuinely contrite, you have to forgive them-don't you? Don't you?' I persisted. 'Tell me.'

'These are difficult questions, Miranda. I don't know.'

'But I want to know whether you, personally, could forgive the person who...who put that bomb through the door?' I watched his face strobing in the streetlights as I waited for an answer.

'No,' he said. My heart stopped. 'I couldn't. Or at least, I don't think I could. Some things can never be forgiven. Why should they be? I've photographed too many unforgivable things, Miranda, to feel that.' He was turning right now, into the Mews. 'Anyway, I'm glad I've told you about it. I wanted to tell you last week but I thought it was a bit heavy for a first date. I was worried that it might horrify you,' he added. It does horrify me. It does, it does...'Anyway, here we are.' He'd stopped right outside the house. Shall I see you to your door?' he asked.

I smiled. 'It's all right, David. I don't think we can get any closer.'

He took my hand, then leaned forward. 'Well, actually. I think we can.' And now he took my face in his hands, and pulled me towards him, then I felt his lips on mine, pressing gently at first, then slightly harder, and I felt myself kissing him back.

'You're lovely, Miranda,' he murmured. Would you be saying that if you knew who I was? 'You're lovely. You intrigue me.'

I panicked. You can't do this until he knows. I undid my seat belt and opened my door. 'I-'

David saw my expression. 'I know,' he said gently. 'It's too soon, Miranda-isn't it?'

'Yes,' I replied quietly. 'I think it's too soon.'

CHAPTER 9.

'He kissed you!' Daisy almost shouted on Monday.

'Please, shhhh, Daisy,' I hissed. We were in the Heals cafe where we'd met for a quick lunch. It was crowded, but we'd managed to get a corner table.

'He kissed you,' she repeated, in an awe-struck whisper. 'Blimey. Anything else?'

'No.'

'You mean it was just a kiss?'

'Yes. A goodnight kiss. That's all it was.'

'Where?'

'In his car.'

'No. Cheek or lips?'

'Oh. Lips, since you ask.' I felt my insides suffuse with warmth at the memory.

'Blimey,' she said again. 'Then what?'

'Then I thanked him for a lovely evening, opened the door and got out.'

'Didn't you ask him in?'

'No-I didn't feel it was right.'

'Why not?'

'Because I was in turmoil after the conversation we'd just had. But I'll be seeing him again.'

'When?'

'On Friday. He phoned me last night and asked me to keep it free.'

'I bet he wanted to do more than kiss you,' Daisy added knowingly as she sipped her coffee.