Part 11 (2/2)

'Oh really?' they all said. 'What do you do?'

'Are you a director?' asked Lily.

'No. I do stunt-work.'

'How fascinating,' she breathed. 'So you're a stuntman?' He nodded. That made sense, he was very fit and muscular-looking, as though he worked out a lot. 'We must do something on that in Moi!-what have you worked on recently? Anything famous?'

'Land Ahoy!' I felt sick.

'I've heard that's going to be splendid,' said Phyllis.

'It is-it's brilliant,' said Lily. My stomach turned over. 'I've seen a preview tape.'

'And why did you choose Twiglet, Marcus?' I persisted, desperate to change the subject.

'Because Jack Russells are intelligent, lively and brave. And because I thought we might be able to do some fun things together.'

'What sort of things?' Lily asked.

'Parachuting, kayaking, a bit of hang-gliding, maybe.'

Lily rolled her huge black eyes. 'But dogs don't do those kinds of things.'

'They do. My last Jack Russell used to go surfing-he loved it-he had his own wetsuit. He used to go sky-diving with me too. Not solo obviously-we'd be strapped together. But then, sadly, last year, he had his accident.'

'What happened?' we all asked, bracing ourselves.

'He twisted his back getting out of bed. In any case he was my girlfriend's dog, and she kept him when she left. But that's why I got Twiglet.'

'Do you still see your old dog?' asked Phyllis. 'I do hope so. He must miss you.'

'I get access visits. It's not too bad.'

'Can we please stop barking-I mean, talking,' I said, trying to rea.s.sert my authority. 'We've got a lot to do.'

A respectful hush fell, punctuated only by a solitary 'yap'.

'Now,' I continued. 'The purpose of these puppy parties is to socialize the puppies right from the start so that they're not fazed by anything in later life. So what we're going to do first is to play Pa.s.s the Puppy. I want you to pa.s.s your puppy one person to your left, and then I want you all to look in the puppy's ears, just as the vet might do, and feel its paws; have a look in its mouth, and its eyes; generally feel its coat and rub its tummy, which is its most vulnerable part. By the time your puppy has been handled by nine strangers over a period of five weeks it'll be well on its way to becoming a pleasant, responsible and well-adjusted canine citizen. So-pa.s.s the puppy please.'

'-Oh isn't it sweet!'

'-No, please don't hold her like that-like this.'

'-Oow-sharp little teeth.'

'-Careful! Don't drop him!'

'-I'm not dropping him.'

'-Bye-bye, my little darling. See you soon!'

Then we had a bite inhibition session followed by a general discussion about common behavioural problems and how to avoid them; then I talked about nutrition, and, finally, we had problem-sharing.

'Is anyone having any particular difficulties?' I asked.

'The house-training's not easy,' said Sue with a sigh.

'He won't come when I call,' said John.

'I'm so exhausted from the nights,' said Jane. 'Sooty wakes at least three times.'

'Bentley does that too.'

'I feel so inadequate to the task,' Sue sniffed. There were suddenly tears in her eyes. 'I feel so helpless. The awful responsibility of it all. This tiny little thing who depends on me, and who I love so much,' she sobbed. 'I feel totally-uh-uh-overwhelmed.'

'You've got post-puppy depression,' said Lily as she handed Sue a tissue. 'I had that with Jennifer. It doesn't last. Maybe you should see your doctor,' she added helpfully.

'It's because it's your first one,' said John. 'Most people feel like that with their first,' he added sympathetically.

'Yes, I did,' Phyllis said. 'Don't worry, Sue. I'm sure you'll be a very good mother.'

'Yes, don't worry,' they all said. 'You'll be great.'

At nine they all began to drift away, with promises of puppy play-dates with each other.

'That was fun,' said Marcus warmly. 'Twiglet loved it, didn't you Twiggers?'

I smiled. Marcus might be a bit annoying but he was very friendly. He was also rather attractive.

'So, who did you stand in for on Land Ahoy!?' Lily enquired. 'Was it Alexander Darke? He's rather gorgeous.'

'No. I doubled for Joe Fenton-the guy who plays first mate. I spent most of the shoot being thrown overboard-into the North Sea, unfortunately, rather than the Caribbean. Still, that's what I get paid to do.' He handed me an A5-sized flyer. You CAN Defend Yourself! it announced.

'What's this, Marcus?'

'I'm going to be running some short self-defence courses from next month in a church hall near Tottenham Court Road. So if you know anyone who'd be interested in coming along, then maybe you'd help spread the word?'

'Yes. Yes, of course I will.'

'Anyway, I'd better be off.' He tucked Twiglet into the top of his jumper again. 'See you next week.'

'See you,' said Lily. She went to the window and watched him cycle away. 'What a charming man,' she said, as I began to fold up the chairs. 'He's quite good-looking too. Apart from the broken nose. I really must do something on stuntmen,' she added as she opened her bag. 'And when can we do you, Miranda?'

'Do what?'

'The interview for Moi!' She whipped out her diary.

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