Part 2 (1/2)

Meanwhile her husband, her little girl, and Mr Pipes had also come out and it turned out that it had by no o to Brunn as Lowy had convinced o to Nureet, the Jewish co and Berlin very comfortable Furthermore they had discussed it all day and Loho had slept until four, had si and uments we entered the tavern and sat down at a table, I across frouish myself, this would not have been so difficult, I should just have had to know several train connections, tell the railway stations apart, bring about a choice between Nure like his Bar Kokhba To Pipes's shouting Lowy very reasonably, if unintentionally, counterposed a very quick, uninterruptable chatter in his normal voice that was, at least for uishi+ng myself I sat sunk in my chair, looked froht Mrs Tschissik's eye on the way, but when she answered lance (when she smiled at me because of Pipes's excitement, for instance) I looked away This had its sense Between us there could be no s her, I was too serious for this, and quite tired by this seriousness If I wanted to laugh at so I could look across her shoulder at the fat woovernor's wife in Bar Kokhba But really I could not look at her seriously either For that would havePipes behind nize that And that would have been really unheard of A young hteen years old declares in the presence of the evening's guests at the Cafe Savoy, a waiters, in the presence of the table full of actors, declares to a thirty-year-old woman whom hardly anyone even considers pretty, who has two children, ten and eight years old, whose husband is sitting beside her, who is a model of respectability and economy-declares to this woman his love to which he has completely fallen victim and, now comes the really remarkable part which of course no one else would have observed, immediately renounces the wole Should I be grateful or should I curse the fact that despite all misfortune I can still feel love, an unearthly love but still for earthly objects

Mrs Tschissik was beautiful yesterday The really norers, of rounded forearms which in theht of this nakedness does not make one think of the rest of the body The hair separated into taves, brightly illuht corner of her h in childish co above and below into delicately shaped curves, one i of words, which spreads the light of the vowels throughout the words and preserves their pure contours with the tip of the tongue, can succeed only once, and ad it is Lohite forehead The powdering that I have so far seen I hate, but if this white color, this so low over the skin is the result of powder, then every woht corner of her ers into her mouth-yes, perhaps she even put a toothpick into her ers, but it see in a hollow tooth with a toothpick and let it stay there a quarter of an hour

8 November All afternoon at the lawyer's about the factory

The girl who only because she alking arm in arm with her sweetheart looked quietly around

The clerk in N's office reminded me of the actress who played Manette Saloo At least when she was sitting A soft bosoh, encased in a woolly material A broad face down to the lected, natural curls in a flat hairdo

Zeal and calthened too, as I see now, because she worked on unmoved (the keys flew-Oliver syste needles), also walked about, but scarcely spoke tords in half an hour, as though she had Manette Salo at the lawyer's I looked at the one typist and thought how hard it was toat it The relationshi+p between a hairdo standing out alht nose thatWhen the girl as reading a docu moveh irl than if I had brushed her skirt with reement [about the shares in the factory] tomy possible future wife and possible children, I saw across froe chairs and a sht that I should never be in a position to seat in these or any other three chairsfor this happiness so despairing from the very start that in my excitement I asked the lawyer the only question I had left after the long reading, which at once revealedsection of the agreement that had just been read

Continuation of the farewell: in Pipes, because I felt oppressed by hied and darkly spotted tips of his teeth Finally I got half an idea: ”Why go as far as Nureive one or two performances at a smaller local station?”

”Do you know one?” asked Mrs Tschissik, not nearly as sharply as I write it, and in this way forced me to look at her All that part of her body which was visible above the table, all the roundness of shoulders, back, and breast, was soft despite her (in European dress, on the stage) bony, almost coarse build Ridiculously I uests at the next table very reasonably mentioned Teplitz Mr Tschissik would have been in favor of any local station, he has confidence only in s consulted much with one another, aside from that she asks around about the fares

Several tih for parnusse (enough to live on), it would be sufficient Her daughter rubs her cheek against her arm; she certainly does not feel it, but to the adult there co can happen to a child who is with its parents, even if they are travelling actors, and that if you think about it, real troubles are not to be ht of an adult's face I was very ive them a letter of recommendation to Dr P and so use my influence for Mrs Tschissik In the face of the objection of Pipes, who himself prepared the lots to be drawn for the three possible cities and conducted the draith great liveliness, Teplitz was drawn for the third time I went to the next table and excitedly wrote the letter of recoo hoet the exact address of Dr P, which was not necessary, however, and which they didn't know at home, either In embarrassment, while Lowy prepared to accompany me, I played with the hand of the woirl

9 Nove theater, I now up in the balcony, now on the stage, a girl who a part, tensed her lithe body when she held on to the back of a chair in terror; fro a male role, e that nothing else was to be seen, no stage, no auditoriureat crowds of spectators were on the set which represented the Altstadter Ring, probably seen froh one should really not have been able to see the square in front of the Rathaus clock and the se floor neverthelessfrom Kinsky Palace This had no purpose except to show the whole set whenever possible, since it was already there in such perfection anyhow, and since it would have been a crying sha any of this set which, as I ell aware, was the hting was that of dark, autuht of the dimmed sun was scatteredly reflected frolasson the southeast side of the square Since everything was executed in life size and without the smallest false detail, the fact that some of the caseht breeze without a sound because of the great height of the houses,impression The square was very steep, the pavement almost black, the Tein Church was in its place, but in front of it was a small imperial castle in the courtyard of which all the monuments that ordinarily stood in the square were assembled in perfect order: the Pillar of St Mary, the old fountain in front of the Rathaus that I myself have never seen, the fountain before the Niklas Church, and a board fence that has now been put up round the excavation for the Hus ets that it is only acting, how e and behind the scenes-an ie throngs of people sent back and forth, was probably greater than anything that ever took place in Prague; they had apparently located it in Prague only because of the set, although really it belonged in Paris Of the fete one saw nothing at first, in any event, the court had ridden off to a fete, meanwhile the revolution had broken out, the people had forced its way into the castle, I es of the fountain in the churchyard, but it was supposed to be impossible for the court to return to the castle Then the court carriages caasse at so wild a pace that they had to brake while still far from the castle entrance, and slid across the pavees-one sees the tableaux are shown, they were therefore flat, hung with garlands of flowers, and fro down all around One was all the h unconsciously, the horses, which reared before the entrance, pulled the carriages in a curve froasse to the castle Just then many people streamed past me out into the square, mostly spectators whom I knew from the street and who perhaps had arrived this very irl I know, but I do not knohich; beside her walked a young, elegant ht hand deep in his pocket They walked toward Niklasstrasse Frois (or so similar) ”to transform emotion into character”

11 November Saturday Yesterday all afternoon at Max's Decided on the sequence of the essays for The Beauty of Ugly Pictures Without good feeling It is just then, however, that Max loves me most, or does it only seem so because then I a I am No, he really loves me more He wants to include les against it I was supposed to go to Brunn with hi bad and weak in me held me back For I cannot believe that I shall really write sohtly wrapped up in their work aprons, especially behind One at Lowy's and Winterberg's thiswhose apron flaps, which closed only on her behind, did not tie together as they usually do, but instead closed over each other so that she rapped up like a child in swaddling clothes Sensual impression like that which, even unconsciously, I always had of children in swaddling clothes who are so squeezed in their wrappings and beds and so laced with ribbons, quite as though to satisfy one's lust

Edison, in an Ah Boheher developardens in front of the houses, in travelling through the country you see factories being built) is due to the fact that the ee, and that those returning fro new ambition back

As soon as I become aware in any way that I leave abuses undisturbed which it was really intended that I should correct (for example, the extremely satisfied, but from my point of view dismal, life of my married sister [Elli]), I lose all sensation in roup everything certain in reed for books is certain in me Not really to own or to read them, but rather to see them, to convince myself of their actuality in the stalls of a bookseller If there are several copies of the sahts h it were a perverse appetite Books that I own delight ht me The desire to own them is incomparably less, it is almost absent

12 Noveende de Napoleon” in the Rudolphinuh on sudden inspiration to test thein the way between the small entrance door and the lecturer's table The lecturer enters, he wants, with his eyes on the audience, to reach his table by the shortest route, therefore comes close to the piano, is startled, steps back and walks around it softly without looking at the audience again In the enthusiasm at the end of his speech and in the loud applause, he naturally forgot the piano, as it did not call attention to itself during the lecture With his hands on his chest, he wants to turn his back on the audience as late as possible, therefore takes several elegant steps to the side, naturally buently into the piano and, on tiptoe, ain At least that is the way Richepin did it

A tall, powerful man of fifty with a waistline His hair is stiff and tousled (Daudet's, for exah pressed fairly close to his skull Like all old Southerners with their thick nose and the broad, wrinkled face that goes with it, fro wind can blow as from a horse's muzzle, and of whom you know very well that this is the final state of their faces, it will not be replaced but will endure for a long time; his face also re a very natural, definitely not false beard

The freshly painted light gray of the podiu at first His white hair blended with the color and there was no outline to be seen When he bent his head back the color was set in motion, his head almost sank in it Only towards the middle of the lecture, when your attention was fully concentrated, did this disturbance coe, black-clad body during a recitation and, aving hands, conducted the verses and put the gray color to flight-in the beginning he was e, he scattered soabout a Napoleonic soldier whom he had known personally and who had had fifty-seven wounds, he remarked that the variety of colors on the torso of this reat colorist such as his friend Mucha, as present

I observed in ree to which I aht to my pains and cares I was squeezed into the left corner of my chair, but really into the lecture, my clasped hands between my knees I felt that Richepin had an effect upon irls into his bed I even had a slight vision of Napoleon who, in a connected fantasy, also stepped through the little entrance door although he could really have stepped out of the wood of the podiuan He overwhelhtly packed at that moment Near as I actually was to him, I had and would have had even in reality never a doubt of his effect I should perhaps have noticed any absurdity in his dress, as in the case of Richepin as well, but noticing it would not have disturbed me How cool I had been, on the other hand, as a child! I often wished to be brought face to face with the Emperor to show hie, it was just coolness

He recited poeh they were speeches in the Chamber An i out his outstretched arh the middle of the hall, ”Empereur!” he shouted, with his raised arh an ar the description of a battle, a little foot kicked against the floor somewhere, the matter was looked into, it was his foot that had had too little confidence in itself But it did not disturb him After ”The Grenadiers,” which he read in a translation by Gerard de Nerval and which he thought very highly of, there was the least applause

In his youth the tomb of Napoleon had been opened once a year and the e past in procession; the face was bloated and greenish, more a spectacle of terror than of ad the tomb But nevertheless Richepin saw the face frorand-uncle, who had served in Africa and for whose sake the Co in advance that a poem he intends to recite (he has an infalliblete verses already cause a small earthquake under his words, in the case of the first poem he even said he would recite it with all his fire He did

He brought things to a cli i up slowly, not sitting down again even after he finished the verses, picking up and carrying on the sweeping movements of the recitation with the final force of his own prose He closed with the vow that even after a thousand years each grain of dust of his corpse, if it should have consciousness, would be ready to answer the call of Napoleon

The French, short-winded fro breaths, withstood even the most unskillful improvisations, did not break down even under his frequent talking about poets who beautify everyday life, about his own i that of a poet's, about his hallucinations (eyes reluctantly wrenched open on the distance) being those of a poet's, etc At the same time he someti away one finger after another

He served in the arrandfather under Napoleon, he even sang two lines of a battle song 13 November And this man is, I learned today, sixty-two years old

14 November Tuesday Yesterday at Max's who returned fro asleep As though the solid skullcap encircling the insensitive cranium had moved more deeply inwards and left a part of the brain exposed to the free play of light andfull of yellowish light To force your way through the half-shutand while still in front of the panes, before you fall, to hover, arures on the bows of shi+ps in old ti asleep

It seeling to keep one's dignity while begging for an invitation whenever one wants to spend an evening in co to carry one's meal home in one's hand, unable to expect anyone with a lazy sense of calive a gift to so able to run up a stairway beside one's wife, to lie ill and have only the solace of the view from one's hen one can sit up, to have only side doors in one's rooed from one's fae, first by the e of one's parents, then, when the effect of that has worn off, by one's own, having to ado on saying: ”I have none row older since there is no fa oneself in appearance and behavior on one or two bachelors remembered from our youth

This is all true, but it is easy to s so far in front of one that one's eye ain return, while in reality, both today and later, one will stand with a palpable body and a real head, a real forehead that is, for s on with one's hand

Now I'll try a sketch for the introduction to Richard and Sa, already with a sense of foreboding, pulled the cover off the bed, lay down, and again beca thehtened my chest, they set my head on fire, for a short while, to consoleup to work, I repeated: ”That's not healthy, that's not healthy,” and with almost visible purpose tried to draw sleep overof a cap with a visor which, to protect myself, I pulled down hard over my forehead How ht head, capable of anything and restrained only by pohich are indispensable forwasted

It is certain that everything I have conceived in advance, even when I was in a good mood, whether word for word or just casually, but in specific words appears dry, wrong, inflexible, e to everybody around me, timid, but above all incoh I have forgotten nothing of the original conception This is naturally related in large part to the fact that I conceive soood away from paper only in a tied for, reat that I have to give up Blindly and arbitrarily I snatch handfuls out of the stream so that when I write it down cal in comparison with the fullness in which it lived, is incapable of restoring this fullness, and thus is bad and disturbing because it tempts to no purpose

16 Nove asleep, but I did not fall asleep, the upper part of the body of a oman lay on top of me Her face was bent back over ainst htest effort to do anything th is immediately exhausted

Fro studied since six o'clock in the , I noticed that my left hand had already for soht hand by the fingers”

18 November Yesterday in the factory Rode back on the trolley, sat in a corner with legs stretched out, saw people outside, lights in stores, walls of viaducts through which we passed, backs and faces over and over again, a highway leading fro huhts of the railway station burned into the darkness, the low, tapering chiuest appearance of a singer, de Treville, that gropes its way along the walls as far as an alley near the cemeteries, from where it then returned with me out of the cold of the fields into the liveable warn cities as a fact, the inhabitants live there without penetrating our way of life, just as we cannot penetrate theirs, a comparison must be made, it can't be helped, but one is well aware that it has no ical value, in the end one can often even omit the comparison because the difference in the condition of life is so great that it makes it unnecessary

The suburbs of our native city, however, are also foreign to us, but in this case comparisons have value, a half-hour's walk can prove it to us over and over again, here live people partly within our city, partly on the reat ditch, although they all have an area of interest in coroup of people outside the city For this reason I always enter and leave the suburb with a weakof anxiety, of abandonment, of sy, of fortitude, and return with pleasure, seriousness, and calm, especially from Zizkov

19 November Sunday Dream: In the theater Performance of Das Weite Land (The Waste Land) by Schnitzler, adapted by Utitz I sit right up at the front, think I a in the first row until it finally appears that it is the second The back of the row is turned towards the stage so that one can see the auditoriu The author is somewhere nearby, I can't hold back my poor opinion of the play which I seem to know from before, but add that the third act is supposed to be witty With this ”supposed to be,” however, I ood parts, I do not know the play and must rely on hearsay; therefore I repeat this remark once arded by the others There is a great crush around me The audience seems to have come in its winter clothes, everyone fills his seat to overflowing People beside me, behind me, whom I do not see, interrupt me, point out new arrivals, mention their names,their way along a row of seats, since the wo-nosed face, and besides, as far as one can see in the crowd out of which her head towers, is wearing men's clothes; near me, remarkably free, the actor Lowy, but very unlike the real one, is standing andexcited speeches in which the word ”principiu the words ”tertium comparationis,” they do not coht-hand corner (seen froe) of the balcony that connects with the boxes there, a third son of the Kisch family, dressed in a beautiful Prince Albert with its flaps opened wide, stands behind his mother, who is seated, and speaks out into the theater Lowy's speeches have a connection with these speeches Ah up to a spot on the curtain and says, ”There sits the German Kisch,” by this he oes up the theater begins to darken, and Kisch, in order to indicate that he would disappear in any case, ain with all his are is somewhat lower than the auditorium, you look doith your chin on the back of the seat The set consists chiefly of t, thick pillars in the irls and young an e, I can see very little, for the girls left behind block the vieith their large, flat hats,the whole length of the row Nevertheless, I see a small ten- to fifteen-year-old boy unusually clearly on the stage He has dry, parted, straight-cut hair He cannot even place his napkin properly on his lap, must look down carefully when he does, and is supposed to be a er have e noaits for various newcoe from the first rows of the auditorium But the play is not well rehearsed, either Thus, an actress na back in his chair like a man of the world, addresses her as ”Hackel,” then becoirl enters whom I know (her name is Frankel, I think), she cli, her back, when she cliood, over the right hip there is even a scratched, bloodshot spot the size of a doorknob But then, when she turns around on the stage and stands there with a clean face, she acts very well Now a singing horseallop, a piano reproduces the clatter of hoofs, you hear the storive the singing the natural swelling that takes place in a rapid approach, is running along the balcony up above towards the stage He is not yet at the stage or through with the song and yet he has already passed the clier reproduce distinctly the sound of hoofs striking against the stones Both stop, therefore, and the singer approaches quietly, but he makes hi of the balcony, so that you cannot see him very clearly

With this, the first act is over, but the curtain doesn't coe two critics sit on the floor, writing, with their backs resting against a piece of scenery A draer with a blond, pointed beard jue, while still in the air he stretches one hand out to give sorapes that had been in a fruit dish on the banquet table and which he now eats

Again facing the auditorium I see that it is lit by simple paraffin lamps that are stuck up on simple chandeliers, like those in the streets, and now, of course, burn only very low Suddenly, ied wick is probably the cause, the light spurts out of one of these lanterns and sparks pour down in a broad gush on the crowded audience that forentleman rises up out of this mass, walks on it towards the lamp, apparently wants to fix the la near it for a short while, and, when nothing happens, returns quietly to his place in which he is sed up I take him for myself and bow my face into the darkness

I and Max must really be different to the very core Much as I ads when they lie beforemy and anyone else's encroachment (a few small book reviews even today), still, every sentence he writes for Richard and Samuel is bound up with a reluctant concession on my part which I feel painfully to ain filled with anxiously restrained abilities

20 Noveirls in the woods in a thousand ht of the picture, grouped in the same way and airily drawn like the pictures on theater curtains, there was a antic twig or flying ribbon, or soared by their oer in a chain that rose slowly towards the sky And now they were reflected not only towards the spectator but also away from him, became more indistinct and ained in fullness But in front stood a naked girl untouched by the reflections, her weight on one leg, her hip thrust forward Here Ingres's draftsmanshi+p was to be admired, but I actually found with satisfaction that there was too irl even for the sense of touch Froht

My repugnance for antitheses is certain They are unexpected, but do not surprise, for they have always been there; if they were unconscious, it was at the very edge of consciousness They hness, fullness, coure on the ”wheel of life,” we have chased our little idea around the circle