Part 23 (1/2)

Between two firing armies

I reconsidered the phone call in the e The ht myself the observer in all of this but found now that I had been the one being observed and that this conflict had corudge ainst an omniscient God who loved his human creation A God I did not know Lucian called it A satanic grudge ainst an omniscient God who loved his human creation A God I did not know

I wanted to rail as he had railed, to accuse hi that my calendar remained untouched

The demon had left me

He had accomplished his purpose He had put up his story like sohis tale as deftly as a spider, and it had been a distraction to me, as solid and real as the stately houses in Belmont And just as the round, ruined-I now stood stripped of all things I once was: husband, editor, would-be writer An honest ood man”

Worst of all, I was alone Who could I talk to? Who could I tell ould not consider me a madman? I had lost Aubrey and alienated Sheila I had not seen any of my supposed friends for months I could call my sister, but where would I start, and if I did, hoould she ever believewarrior who kept even the brash Lucian at bay How could I tell even her?

I cancelled my doctor's appointment I vacillated between desperation and fear I could not spend my life like this, but if I had inadvertently wandered into a battlefield of opposing spiritual forces, neither did I want to becoe

I returned to the online Bible, coain with my account-and I sa that it was truly my account-of our every interaction But while Lucian had finished his tale of jealousy, revenge, and his probable end, I kneith the sense of one who has spent his entire life reading stories-that mine was not finished

TWO DAYS LATER, I knocked on Mrs Russo's door I had no idea what I would say, what to even ask for But I knew she could help reet me with her characteristic smile and ”hello, dear!” but told me to come in even as she hurried into the kitchen

She was breathing quickly, her hands hesitating in the air before her as though they had forgotten what they were about

I had expected to coing hazel eyes That she see

”Open that refrigerator, Clay, and take out the perishables You need to take theh food to last for days Is everything all right?”

She went into the bedroom and came back, a sweater over one arm, a book in another A homemade sandrapped on her kitchen counter next to an apple, a bottle of water She packed the on her kitchen table

”Clay, would you set those flowering pots in the sink and run soood, dear, until it co town?” I asked with growing alar on his way to work I need to go help take care of ht?”

”He's in the hospital, and I need to get to their house so Beth, ht, can you just take those plants with you? And will it be much trouble for you to collect the paper andit will be, but I'll let you know if I'll be ht have to trouble you to send me my bills”

I assured her that it was no problelad to help And while I tried to be as helpful as possible, I felt desperately alone at the thought of her i departure

”Why don't you just callelse, I have my key”

”Thank you, dear I meant to knock on your door earlier, but then I realized if I hurried, I could catch a train tonight, and I got distracted” She looked around, lost, but then fixed her eyes on so-a worn Bible on her coffee table, which she added to her bag

I loitered, like a child watching a parent pack for a business trip ”I meant to ask if you'd been to that little church down the street, the Gospel Room”

”No, I haven't, which is a sha for anything she otten

”Maybe,” I said aardly, ”we could go there together after you get back”

She paused to givesmile ”Why, I'd like that very much, Clay I would like very much to visit that little church”

Soht was true, that within her lay wisdoe and answers I had been afraid to ask for

”I'll enjoy our Sunday outing when I'randkids of mine don't do me in before then” She chuckled

THAT NIGHT I ATE a sandith some of the lettuce and tomato from Mrs Russo's stash of ”perishables”

I foundof Aubrey more and more, practically by the hour, as I once had And I felt inexplicably guilty for the days I had forgotten her, for my mental absence, as if I had been taken in by so new friend in school who makes our old loyal standbys fade in co, next to who bred its inevitable conterown thin or, worse, that I had become the one passed over in favor of a new infatuation

Never mind that she had been the one to leave When I was truthful about it, when I was honest with myself, I could admit that I had left her first-in spirit if not in deed

Now, abandoned by Lucian, I foundto her in lieu of any other crutch on which to lean My selfishness filled me with self-conteht be tiring even now of Richard, of his habit of playing the radio too loud, of chasing his food around on his plate with his fork as if it were a hockey puck, of predictably retreating fro the catchphrases that had once seerown as tedious as a pull toy For the first ti her

But I returned toto it hts of Aubrey, my dread of the monster at the end of the book

30

With Mrs Russo gone, I felt exposed, vulnerable, fearful And hopeful

Would Lucian coone and the ”spiritual static” was no longer present? And if he did, would I welcome hi that screaut

I told et back toforelse, to find a job

One night I lay in bed trying to picture my future It was filled with insoht of Mrs Russo