Part 22 (1/2)
She looked atin a web
”As for the pretty jogger-”
I sat back inaway the pastiche of death: cracked windshi+elds, an orphaned sneaker, and always, always, the shattered pink iPod
”There's an interesting story to that one Her husband left his wife for her last year This year he decided to have a crisis of conscience He was on the cusp of beco souls We couldn't have that He's an influential man”
”So you killed his wife? his wife?”
”Despite your American beliefs, there are no rules in war”
”How is killing her supposed to stop hi the blaed Her voice was flat, devoid of eh her hair, her back arching slightly
”Do you-does this happen often?”
”I told you This is a war”
”Can't people see through that? Don't people know?”
”Have you seen through it?” She leaned forward, the V V of her sweater gaping ”We have other methods of distraction as well, palatable, innocuous distractions condoned by your socialyour culture says is important and hile: the trips to Mexico, the brandy in the Four Seasons The Audi, the private Bel ”We have other methods of distraction as well, palatable, innocuous distractions condoned by your socialyour culture says is important and hile: the trips to Mexico, the brandy in the Four Seasons The Audi, the private Belmont school”
She stared at me as she pulled them from my brain like folded lottery numbers from a fishbowl I felt my face redden ”And it works Everyone thinks they deserve happiness, after all It's practically written into your Constitution What a great country” She sht of the day in Belmont, my aspirations and vision of a house there ”And for every huet?”
She shrugged ”Nothing”
”What do you ram, Clay It's the principle of the ? It is all about you How carefully he for he has been with you, hoillingly he labored with you, ulti you the once-for-all atonement when you deserve it so little No, when you deserve it not at all!”
With every sentence her palm beat the top of the table Now it slaed surface like loose teeth ”You again!”
Leave
But I stared, transfixed by her anger, by the blazing black light of her eyes
By her hatred of me
She leaned back, instantly coift It hasn't turned out as badly as I thought”
”What do you mean?” It came out barely above a whisper Too soft, I was sure, for any huood Just like you, Clay You're a good guy You've lived a good life And just like you, hu charity They'd rather work for redeood, really, Clay? Decency? A relative state of not-so-bad? Having good intentions? Well, you knohat they say about the road to hell And if intentions and states of relative goodness were good enough, do you think El would have gone to the trouble? You think you've suffered What do you know of suffering?”
I wanted to strike her Suffering! She dared speak to hteous and indignant, I saw the corners of her , such as it as pathetic to her
”But who ae you?” Her arms crossed Fury seemed to rise from the surface of her skin, like heat off a stove ”If you insist on being judged by the merit of your works, El will honor that I've seen it many times But what I haven't seen is anyone who measured up Maybe you'll be the first, hmm?”
”Tell h a snake had slithered out of ious” But she looked as though she had bitten into a bug
”She goes to church”
”That's fine with ed but appeared unsettled ”Churches are inbred, if you aska radical God with conventional methods So traditional And so comfortable coe takes effort And one has to appear to have things in order, or else how can they judge anyone else? I see oers than anyone In fact, I have a theory” Mind you, the church coe takes effort And one has to appear to have things in order, or else how can they judge anyone else? I see oers than anyone In fact, I have a theory”
She practically pounced on the table's edge Her eyes ild, storht in the shortfall of others It relieves the pressure of having to be so holy For a body of people who have received so y amount in return”
Her eyes flickered toward thebehind ht her attention ”I'm bored with this With you”
My head snapped back around ”What?”
”Go away Go live out your gnat's existence”
”But we're not done!”
Her eyes lolled back to me ”Yes, we are”
”But-I don't kno it ends!” And now I re else ”Or what it has to do with me-you said this story was ultimately about me What does this have to do with me?”
”What does this have to do withbut think of yourself? Go home”
”But how can I-”
”Go”
”I don't know-”