Volume I Part 17 (1/2)
THE PROPER LENGTH OF A CALL
Never prolong a call until it becomes a relief to depart--both for you and your hostess. This is not irrelevant, nor is it too severe. There are many people who do not know when to depart, and simply because they are afraid of leaving too early and offending the hostess, they prolong the visit unduly and depend upon gossip and forced conversation to pa.s.s the time. It is not good taste to make a call that lasts ten minutes; but it is certainly no better to make one that lasts three hours.
When a first and formal call is paid, fifteen or twenty minutes is the usual time for exchanging civilities, and for making a graceful exit.
The ordinary formal call may be extended from a quarter to three-quarters of an hour. A friendly call may be continued an hour, and sometimes an hour and a half.
Calls of inquiry, condolence and information should never be prolonged longer than is required to obtain the information required. Calls of condolence should be made especially short, as it is a mark of inconsideration to force oneself on a hostess who is suffering a recent bereavement.
THE DAY AT HOME
Calls should always be paid on the hostess' day at home, if possible.
It is always more complimentary and considerate to observe a day at home than to call on an afternoon when the hostess does not expect you.
In large cities and fas.h.i.+onable circles, it is customary for every hostess to issue at-home cards, giving the day and hour, or just the day, when she will be at home to visitors. These are issued to all her friends and acquaintances and they are expected to make their social calls, calls of congratulation, calls of appreciation--all calls except those that have to do with business--on that afternoon.
Sunday calls are now considered informal. In small towns and country neighborhoods they may be made after church or in the evening, but in large cities formal visits are rarely made on Sunday. Here again men (and business women) enjoy a special privilege; they may make their formal calls any afternoon or evening of the week, Sunday not excepted.
Perhaps this is only fair, as the American man, and many of the American women, have their mornings and afternoons completely absorbed by the exactions of their business.
DRESS FOR CALLS
In making business calls a woman should wear street dress of the most simple and conservative type. For her social calls also she should wear street attire, but it need not be so severe as for business purposes.
Especially if she is to go by public conveyance she should be careful not to make herself conspicuous by her dress. The hostess is always more or less informally dressed unless her at home takes on the proportions of a reception, in which case she wears an elaborate reception gown.
Men seldom pay calls, and when they do, for the most part, they wear ordinary business suits unless the occasion is one of importance.
Formal evening calls require formal evening dress.
PAYING THE FIRST CALL
In the country, all newcomers wait until they are called upon before calling or leaving cards. Formerly, calls were paid only upon those newcomers who were in one's immediate neighborhood, but now motoring has greatly increased the area of visiting. Thus, when a newcomer builds or rents a home within easy motoring distance, one must feel obligated to call and leave cards.
Brides also wait to receive first calls. Neighbors and friends are expected to call and leave cards immediately upon the return from the honeymoon. It is the particular duty of all wedding guests to call promptly as soon as the bride announces her return.
When a lady comes to visit a friend in another town, it is the duty of all friends of the hostess to make the first call. It is also the rule for women who have been entertained in a friend's house in the country to be the first to call on that friend immediately upon her return to town. Where there is no indebtedness of this kind and when two women arrive home from their respective summer vacations at about the same time, it is customary for the younger to make the first call upon the older.
The matter of paying the first call is often a very delicate one.
Frequently sensitive people are offended by some unconscious slight on the part of a friend. The following rules will help those who are in doubt, and who are anxious to follow the correct usage, and thus avoid blunders that may result in broken friends.h.i.+ps.
An unmarried woman always pays the first call of the season upon a matron. The elder of two women is ent.i.tled to the first visit. This same rule holds true among men, when the question of the formal call arises. In large cities, when the recognized winter period for exchanging formal calls opens, very little attention is paid to the matter of the first calls of the season. It is usually dependent upon convenience and inclination of individuals, and upon the settling of an at-home day. Sometimes women who are exceptionally punctilious make their first calls with reference to courtesies extended or received in the foregoing season. Thus, they refer to their calling lists of the preceding winter, in deciding on whom to make the first calls. However, this is entirely in the hands of the individual.
CALLS OF OBLIGATION
There are certain obligatory calls that must be made, if one wishes to be in accord with the laws of etiquette. These are sometimes referred to as ”duty calls.” For instance, it is essential for all wedding guests, bridesmaids, ushers, and for the best man, maid of honor and matron of honor to call on the bride's mother within three weeks after her daughter's wedding. They must also call upon the bride as soon as she returns from her honeymoon. If the wedding was held at the home of a sister or other relative, the call is made to the lady who acted in the capacity of hostess. The guests at a home wedding, wedding reception or breakfast, are also obligated to call on the bride's mother, and on the bride herself, in due course.
It is distinctly important for all guests, both men and women, at a formal dinner to call upon the hostess within two or, at the most, three weeks after the dinner. This holds true even if the invitation was not accepted. The dinner call should be paid promptly; if a man or woman who has not accepted an invitation to dinner does not call within three weeks, the hostess has every reason to believe that he, or she, does not desire her friends.h.i.+p and hospitality. This same holds true of b.a.l.l.s, suppers, parties and receptions. Not to accept an invitation, and not to call, is a gross incivility and reflects upon the good manners of the person who has neglected to make the obligatory call.