Part 5 (2/2)
After writing the words ”go away,” which close the preceding chapter, I lay down and tried to cohts, but the effort was futile I passed a sleepless night, and whencame I had fully resolved to leave the hospital if inthe forenoon I took up , but I was so disturbed in ibly, and I will here say that from that day, July fifth, to this, September fifteenth, the manuscript remained untouched in the hands of a very dear friend, to whoment on matters of this sort as well as on others I will norite this, the fifteenth and last chapter of this book; and in order to o back and resume the thread of the narrative where it was left off on the evening of the fourth of July It will be re written letters to soe I awaited i, but when they came, which was on the sixth of July, I think, they were undecided whether it would be better for er at the asyluo, as if my life depended upon it
After consultation with the authorities at the hospital, ere clearly of the opinion that they had no right to detain me under the circumstances, and who, therefore, felt it incue , it was by all parties decided that I should go I felt glad in my heart that the institution was relieved of all responsibility inreproach upon anyone, and I feared if I reenerous kindness of my officers) that would do so They had done their whole duty by me, and it remained for ot to Indianapolis the pent-up fires of appetite blazed forth, and while on the way to the Union Depot to take the train to Rushville, I gave h the alleys, I sought and found an obscure saloon in which I secreted an to drink I was once more on the road which leads to perdition The old enemy, who had crawled up the walls of the asylurated s, and coiled around ain had an one of the most maniacal and terrible drunks of my life I becahts that ever entered a crazed brain I abused andbut the thrice cursed liquor which was burning up my body and soul I told absurd and terrible stories about the places where I had been, and about the friends who had done most for me I was insane--as utterly so for the time as the worst case in the asylum I knew not what I did or said, and yet ly contrived to deceive
For the greater part of the fifteen days which followed I was as unconscious of what I did or said as if I had been dead and buried in the bottom of the sea What I know of the time I have learned since from the lips of others The hideous, fiendish serpent of drunkenness possessedI felt him in every nerve, bone, sinew, fiber, and drop of blood in li that shriveledI was in Rushville, after leaving Indianapolis, Fale City Of course, for the most part of the time, I knew not where I was As I think of it now, I know that I was in hell My thirst for whisky was positivelyI tried every means to quit, when conscious of my existence: I voluntarily entered the calaboose ot out, the madness caused me to fly where liquor was I drank it in enor the scorching, blazing fires of hell which wereIserpents; I fed on flahouls; all unutterable and slimy monsters crawled around and over me; every breath that I drew reeked with the odor of death; every beat of h my veins, which returned and froze about it I have neither words nor ies sufficiently horrible to typify my condition I became, for the time an abhorred object; the sex of my sainted mother made a wide sweep to pass me by, and dear, little, innocent children fled froer iven it over, bound and helpless, to the fiend Alcohol I turned by bleared vision towards the vaulted skies, and cursed them because they did not rain fire and brimstone down upon rave opened before me, and a million horrors were in its hollow and black chasave me no relief; the cries I uttered were unheard; and every ear was deaf to ht of the asyluiven worlds could I have retraced my steps, and slept oncewalls O, God! I screaed its endless length along, and no relief came, my despair was a deliriuuished, and the universe was a void of black, impenetrable darkness, out of which, before and after me, rose the hideous specters, Death and Annihilation The uniinable horrors of the tremens were upon me
Once more hear my voice, you who read! Lose no opportunity to strike a blow at intemperance It may smile in the rosy face of youth, but do not be deceived; there are agonies unspeakable hidden beneath that smile Look not on the wine cup when it is red, no matter if the jeweled hand of a princess hold it between you and the light It is the beginning whose end is degradation, relass of beer as froer to be shunned Beware that you do not learn this too late
Alcohol, ruin, and death go hand in hand The region over which Alcohol is king is one of decay It is full of graves The ghosts of the hastly desolations; there are sounds of sobbing orphans there; echoes of s' shrieks; and the lamentations of fond e lie here dishonored together; in vain the sweetheart begs her lover to return from its fatal ue for her erring brother He will not come back He is the slave of a tyrant who has no compassion and knows no mercy Oppose this tyrant, all ye who love the hoht him all ye who set honor above dishonor; curse him all ye who prefer peace to discord, and law to anarchy; war against hiht of liberty and safety is dear, to whom happiness and truth are more desirable than ained by drinking? What blessing co the habit? Pause here and think well before you answer You could not afford to drink if the wealth of a nation were yours, because no man can afford to lose health and happiness if he hopes enjoy, alcohol will destroy your nerves and sap your vigor If you are weak, it will enfeeble you the more If you are unhappy, it will only add to your unhappiness Look at the subject as you will, you can not afford to drink intoxicating liquors Thethat er your reputation, health and happiness, and that of your faht now that you begin to form the habit when you touch your lips to any sort of intoxicating drink the first tiall and ood of all liquors Do you envy h which I have passed? You kno to avoid the to hell and destruction, choose a nearer andyour brains out at once
A feords ood by Many of you have no doubt heard offavor with God at Fowler, Indiana With regard to it and my condition at the present time, I will incorporate in substance the letter which I recently published in reply to inquiries addressed to me froive the letter with but little change, even at the risk of repeating what is elsewhere recorded It is as follows:
On the evening of January twenty-first, 1877, at Jeffersonville, Indiana, God pardoned my sins and made me a new creature For weeks happiness and joy were mine The appetite--rather my passion--for liquor, which made the present a er present Its heavy burdens had fallen from me Of this there could be no doubt; but I had been educated to believe that ”once in grace always in grace,” and this led to a fatal deception, a belief that I could not fall; that after God had once pardoned my sins I was as surely saved as if already in Paradise
That they were pardoned I had not a doubt, for thethat I was pardoned for all tirew self-reliant: I becalected to pray, to beware of te into the society of those who neither loved nor feared God Had I trusted alone in God and permitted the Savior to lead and keep me, I should not have fallen Instead, I went back to the world, gave no thanks to God for hishim, his face was hidden from me
I went to Boston to speak in Moody and Sankey'sto be the ht was self and selfish a, I took a drink of liquor, soon got drunk, and so remained for days When I caony experienced was terrible All the sha co out of such debauches before my conversion were almost as joy compared with the misery which preyed uponof reht of misery and no star was in its sky In the course of a few days I recovered physically so far as to be able to lecture I prayed in secret, long and often, for a return of that peace which comes from God alone, but in vain I was justly self-punished At the end of four or five weeks I fell again, and this tiradation was deeper than before I would at ti had reached the lionies would rise in my heart, like harpies, to tear me to atoms
It was at this time that I was committed to the Hospital for the Insane at Indianapolis The reader is aware of what took place onthe hospital I felt somehow that it was my last spree I kept it up until nature could endure no more I felt that my stomach was burned up, and that my brain was scalded I was crucified froan to feel sure that this tio to the hell which seemed to be open to receive me July twenty-first I left Indianapolis, and went to Fowler, Indiana, at which place, for five days and nights, I suffered everythat can afflict ht I prayed God to be merciful, but no relief came The dark hopelessness in which I lay I can not describe I felt that I was undeserving of God's pardon or ed myself, and my friends more than myself; I had trampled upon the love of Christ; I had loved myself amiss and lost myself The Christian people of Fowler prayed forespecially for me, to ask God to have ular prayer-ed, on bended knee, that God would take compassion on me The next day, July twenty-sixth, was the most wretched day I ever passed on earth It seemed that whichsoever way I turned, hell's fiercest fires lapped up around irt with flames, flee in any direction I would, I found the
I resolved to co my life the Spirit of God restrained me I met the Rev Frank Taylor, the pastor at Fowler I told him my hopeless condition He cheeredwe took a walk, and it was during this walk, while in the act of reaching et a chew of tobacco, that I felt a power hold back my hand, and, plainer than any spoken words, this same power told me not to touch it I obeyed, withdrew lory of God filledfled fromenormous quantities of tobacco, and the use of this narcotic increased, if it did not aid in bringing on my appetite for liquor I have at ti its use, but from the time God fully restored me I have not tasted nor touched tobacco and whisky or any other sti that the appetite for thegle in which the old Satan teainst hirace of God I will dare to do right, and with his help I ainst sin I will abaseheart, and shrink from all self-esteem at ith the true principles to which a follower of Christ should cling I will grind race I fully realize that left toJesus is not only s
His precious blood has redeemed me, and I am at rest in the shadow of the Rifted Rock Peace dwells within me, and joy and praise to the Father of all hty be the praise I earnestly desire the prayers of all Christian men and women Every time you pray ask God to keep and save
THE END