Part 2 (2/2)
I traveled nearly all the time, and much of the time I was in an unconscious state I started from home with two suits of clothes which I pawned for whisky after htstown one day without coat, vest or hat I was also barefooted A friend supplied me with these necessary articles, and as soon as I put them on I went to a saloon kept by Peter Stoff, and there I staid four days without venturing out on the street As soon as I was able, I took up h I was so completely worn out that I dropped down in a shoe shop and saloon, both of which were in the saht I took the treon, and hauledthe two months of which I speak, I had slept out doors, without even a dog for coht cold and fever, which terminated in an attack of inflammatory rheumatism in my left knee The rheu The first intiine would follow a knife if thrust through the centre of the knee When the doctor reached the houseup with a violent fever, and ith delirium He at once blistered a hole in each side ofwas literally that of the dae, without sleeping a wink, so great was ht hours my eyes were rolled upward and backward in idity In ht ht theone I could detect thenawing at my knee, and every time one of theh me They tore off pieces of my flesh, and I could see these pieces fall fro and revolting sensations of horror and agony For sixty days did I lie upon my back on that couch, unable to turn on either side, ora thousand deaths I experienced as , and it is still a wonder to me how I survived I was, on more than one occasion, believed to be dead bysheet Even then I was conscious of what they were doing, and yet I was unable to roan A horrible fear came over ht, but, had mountains been heaped upon me, it would have been as easy for ain the power of articulation, and then again would hope rise in the hearts of those atching At last, but slowly, I recovered sufficiently to be able to leave my rooo about the house Next I went out riding in a buggy, and after a tih not without ht on my afflicted knee
One day I went to Rushville, and--O, curse of curses!--gave way to an to affectdoithpain caused ive a scream, and yet I repeated the step a number of times But the insufferable pain caused islature was in session at Indianapolis, and I was promised a position, and, with this end in view, packed ood-by to the folks at home At Shelbyville, at which place I had a little business to attend to, I took a drink Just how and why I took it has been already told, for the same cause always influenced me The same result followed, and at Indianapolis I kept up the debauch until I had traded a suit of clothes worth sixty dollars for one worth, at a liberal estimate, about sixty-five cents I even pawned my crutches, which I still used and still needed One day I went to a bath-roo in the bath for half an hour, with the water just as warramme, and, without further reflection, I turned off the warm and turned on water as cold as ice could make it It almost caused my death In an instant every pore of my body was closed, and I was as nuht was destroyed for a few et out of the bath and put on s I found my ith some difficulty, to the Union Depot, and boarded a train, but I did not notice that it was not the train I wanted to travel on until it was too late for me to correct the mistake I went to Zionsville, and lay there three days under the charge of two physicians I then started again to go ho to die at any moment At last I reached Falmouth, and was carried toonly equaled by that which I had already borne
On again recoveringto do, and hearing of a vacant school east of Falmouth, and about four miles from my father's, I made application and was employed to teach it It is with pride (which, after the record of so many failures, I trust will readily be pardoned) that I chronicle the fact that fro to the end of the term I never tasted liquor I look back to those months as the happiest ofsober (which I believe ave complete satisfaction to every parent, and pleased and , I believe, that ht and vivid in memory are those days, radation which lie before and after theht steals into my soul, and the faces ofdarkness and set my barred , the ain with theet his own and his good wife's kindness
At the close of my school I was in better health and spirits than I had ever before been I began to feel that there was still a chance for me to redeem the losses of the past, and I can not describe how happy the thought an the practice of law, and for sixpractice, and not once but often was I engaged in cases where my fees amounted to from fifty to one hundred dollars, and once I received two hundred and fifty dollars I will further say that h in each case, considering the service I rendered the the latter part of the time I suffered much from low spirits and nervousness, and ht this appetite again and again with desperate determination, and how the contest would have finally ended I can not say had I not been taken down sick The physician as sent for prescribed soht half of a pint of it, to be taken with other medicine in doses of one tablespoonful at intervals of two hours I followed his directions with care, so far as the first dose was concerned, but if the reader supposes that I waited two hours for another tablespoonful of that brandy he does ross injustice Neither would I have him suppose that I confined the second dose to a tablespoon I waited untilto be alone in order to get theot out of bed and sed the reulp A desperate and uncontrollable desire for the poison had possession of me, and beneath it my resolutions were crushed and my will helplessly manacled I slipped out of the rooy in which I drove off to Falht a quart of whisky This I drank in an incredibly short space of tiine what took place after that Would to God that I could erase the recollection of it from radation; lected; friends alienated; and peace and happiness annihilated by the fell, merciless, hell-born fiend--Alcohol! So much for a half pint of brandy prescribed by an able physician The vilest and most deadly poison could scarcely have been worse Perhaps I was to bla the doctor in the na a drop of intoxicating liquor But I was sick and weak, and th at mention of the word brandy, and when I would have spoken it palsied ue I could not resist The inevitable was upon me
Down, down, doent, lower and ever lower Down, into the darkness of desperation!--down, into the gulf of ruin!--dohere Shame, and Sin, and Misery cry to fallen souls--”Stay! abide with us!” I felt now that all I had gained was lost, and that there was nothingdevil had swept away everything I was no longer athe pitiful su for it,far more precious than life I resorted then, as et that which would, and yet would not, satisfy my insatiate thirst No one is likely to contradict et whisky, when out of ivethe dead who could give me any information on the subject Had I as persistently applied myself to my profession, and resorted to half as ain e of probability for ht have had a practice which would have required the aid of a score or more partners I understand very well that such statements as this are not likely to exalt me in the reader's estimation, but I started out to tell the truth, and I shall not shrink froainst the enemy that I hate I could sacrifice ht slay the monster
CHAPTER X
The ”Baxter Law”--Its injustice--Appetite is not controlled by legislation--Indictuilty”--The Indianapolis police--The Rushville grand jury--Start hoht--A desire to end le in which life wins--Flight across the fields--Bathing in dew--Hiding froinable sufferings--Advised to lecture--The tian to lecture
It has been but a few years since the Legislature of Indiana passed what is known as the ”Baxter Liquor Law” A the provisions of that laas one which declared that ”any person found drunk in a public place should be fined five dollars for every such offense, and be coot his liquor” It was further declared that if the drunkard failed to pay his fine, etc, he should be imprisoned for a certain number of days or weeks This had no effect on the drunkard, unless it was towhich can not be controlled by a law
It er than a man's will, but where it controls and subordinates every other faculty it would be useless to try to eradicate or restrain it by legislation When a er than he is, it will lead hiet it, no matter if five hundred Baxter laws threatened the drunkard Man, powerless to resist, gives way to appetite; he gets drunk; he is poor and has no o to jail until an outraged law is vindicated In the meantime the man has a wife and (it may be) children; they suffer for bread The poor wife still clings to her husband and works like a slave to get money to pay his fine
She starves herself and children in order to buy his freedoet drunk” But that is not the point He needs so very different from a Baxter law to save him from the power of his appetite Besides, the law is unjust The rich et just as drunk as the poor man, and may be fined the same, but what of that? Five dollars is a trifle to hioes on his hile his less fortunate brother is kicked into a loathsome cell There never has been, never can, and never will be a law enacted that preventliquor, especially those in whoit isit in moderation, but no man can be moderate who has such an appetite as I have
Why licenseit?
What sort of sense or justice is there in it, anyhow? There is a double punishment for the drunkard, and none for the liquor-seller The sufferings consequent on drinking are extreme, and no punishment that the law can inflict will prevent the drunkard froreater and self-inflicted punishment is of no avail
When a man has become a drunkard his punish it lawful, in consideration of a certain amount of money paid to the State, for dealers in liquors to sell that which carries darkness, crioes! The silver pieces received by Judas for betraying his ain compared with the blood money which the license law drops into the State's treasury--license h in the balance and not be found wanting where starved and innocent children, broken-heartedwives are in the scale against it? Mothers, look on this law licensing this traffic, and then if you do not like it cease to bring forth children with huels be born
After the passage of this lawdrunkenness an offense to be fined, I had all the law practice I could attend to in keeping myself out of its meshes and penalties It kept me busy to avoid imprisonment--for I was drunk nearly all the time I was indicted twenty-two times But it is fair to say that in a majority of cases these indictments were found byme arrested was to punish the men who sold et a drunkard to tell where he got his liquor Half the tiot it I never indicted a saloon keeper inas that is the case I would blaot his liquor
A law that permits an appetite for whisky to be formed, and then punishes its victione, is a barbarous injustice Instead ofa law that liquor shall not be sold to drunkards, better enact a law that it shall be sold only to drunkards Then when the present generation of drunkards has passed away, there will be nofroainst me I plead, in most instances, my own case, and once or twice, when so drunk that I could not stand up without a chair to supportto soing frouilty”
But all this was anything but a about it The memory of it does not wreath my face in smiles It is madness to think of it I lived in a state of perpetual dread When in Indianapolis the sight of the police filledthe Indianapolis police There are, doubtless, in the force some strictly honorable, true, and kind-hearted men--and these deserve all praise But, if accounts speak true, there are others who arethe lash of correction than many whom they so brutally arrest
Need they be told that they have no right to kick, or jerk, or otherwise abuse an unresisting victim? Are they aware of the fact that the fallen are still huuardians of the peace, they are bound to yet betheir duties? I have heard of more than one instance whereat the station house as no decentSuch policeet on each arrest than in serving the best interests of the cohtly intoxicated, and driven to desperation by the brutality of the police, that, under charitable and kind treatment, would have been saved And I wish to ask a civilized and Christian people, if it is just the thing to take a man afflicted with the terrible disease of drunkenness, and thrust him into a loathsome, dirty cell? Would it not be not only more huent and liberal age, to convey him to a hospital? I leave the discussion of this subject to other and abler hands
At one tirand jury at Rushville ainst me I was drunk at the time, but by some means learned that an officer had a writ to arrest o to et a conveyance, and so I started afoot out the Jeffersonville railroad I had then been drunk about onea mile or more, my boot rubbed my foot so that I drew it off and walked on barefooted My feelings can not be iht cahts swept overme to the earth Before ine It seemed to look at me like a demon's eye, and beckon me on to destruction I heard voices which whispered in my ears--”now is the time” A shudder crept over me Should I endI could lie down on the track, and no one would ever know but I had been accidentally killed Then I thought of li entered le went on between life and death It ended in favor of life, and I fled from the railroad I soon lost h the woods all that night I was perishi+ng for liquor when daylight ca appetite I cli up a dirty, rusty wash-pan which had been throay, I drank a quart of water which I dipped froh My skin was dry and parched, and rassy plots I lay down and bathed my face in the cold dew, and also bared rass
When the sun came up over the eastern tree-tops I found that I was about ten er I found my way to Henry Lord's, a farave me a roohts Froh the officers came there two or three tiive the reader the faintest idea of my condition Without money, clothes, or friends, an outcast, hunted like a wild beast, I had only one thing left-- in the extreme My hands trembled, my face was bloated, and my eyes were bloodshot I had almost ceased to look like a human Hope had flown from me, and I was in complete despair Iin sleep, the veriest wretch on the face of the earth My real condition not unfrequently pressed upon ony of desperation, I would put roan aloud, while tears scalding hot streaers and arht of quitting drink I was too crazed in mind to think clearly on any subject After two or three days, I becaot so restless that I could not sleep, and for nights together I scarcely closed hts were longer still At the end of teeks I began to have a more clear or less muddied conception of ht yet conquer the appetite which was taking h utter ruin of body, to the eternal death of body and soul The reader th save e itthe degraded life I have lived, I have covered it with prayer as with a garment, and with as sincere prayer, too, as ever rose fros have impelled o out beyond the grave None can ever bethese first weeks I spent at home and abstained from liquor, nor can any kno ht of lecturing Many ti over a spree, I had, in the presence of people, given expression to the agonies that were consu me, and at such times I did not fail to pay my respects to alcohol in a way (the only way) it deserves
My friends advised an to think of their words Was it o forth and tell the world of the horrors of intereat enean to prepare a lecture It would helpmore came of it It has been nearly four years since I delivered that lecture I will give a history ofones, as said about me, in the next chapter
CHAPTER XI