Part 2 (1/2)

When daylight at last caony lay behind it in the vast hollow darkness of the night!--the horrid objects disappeared, but the voices reine yourselves alone in a roo words to you with as clear distinctness as words were ever spoken to you Many of the voices were those of friends and acquaintances whoraves, and yet they--their voices--were conversing with, or talking to , terrible day I was tortured with fears and a dread of so infinitely horrible I went to my office--the voices were there!

I stepped to the , and on the street wereI could hear their voices, and they were all talking of hangingcrio or whither to fly Now and then I could hear strains of ht came on, and with it the fiends returned In the exciteot to put onwind drove athered around ain I went away followed by them, and wandered in a thin coat up and down the streets, and through the woods all night The wonder was that I did not freeze to death I could hear crowds of excited people at the court house discussing o there, every door andof the building flew open and fiery devils darted out and cursedfor whisky, but the saloon keepers would not give me a drop They saw and understood as the un in their dens I started at last in the direction of home Just outside of the town afor it, and begged him for at least one s He opened the bottle and held it to ain and again did he deceive ed for death to come and end my life, but instead, a coathered around lass of whisky was handed to lass in his hand, which, at a given word, was raised to the lasses, I could not get a drop frolass and discovered that there were two thicknesses to it, and that the liquor was contained between thelass and not spill the whisky, and begged and plead with the ot out into the woods four or five miles from Rushville, and wandered about in the snow, but all around and aboveme A thousand visions came and went; a thousand tortures consumed me; a thousand hopes sustained ed and cloven-footed fiends, and ran to the house of Andy Hinch, when he carried ot into his house when it was surrounded bylassos atht killthem off with both hands All these terrible torments were, I repeat, realities, intensified over the ordinary realities of life a hundred fold I had wandered to and fro, as I have described, but the people, the angels and the devils were alike the phantasht last mentioned, I had no use of either arm I had so frozen my feet that I could not put on my boots Mr

Hinchreat pain, in drawing on, for they were three sizes larger than I was in the habit of wearing The devils were still with me, but I had moments of reason when I could banish thegy and clung to the spokes of the wheels, and whirled over and over with dizzy revolutions How they fought, and cursed, and shrieked!

When I got to reater part of the time with dehty poet of a Lost Paradise n of Lucifer on the fiery and blazing plains of hell! For more than one month after the madness left me I was afraid to sleep in a room alone, and the least sound would fill me with fear I ran when none pursued, and hid when no one was in search of me My sleep was fitful and full of terrible dreauish unspeakable

CHAPTER VIII

Wretchedness and degradation--Clothes, credit, and reputation all lost--The prodigal's return to his father's house--Fa--A wild horse--I ride hiet drunk--A mixture of vile poison--My ride and fall--The broken stirrups--My father's search--I get home once more--Depart the sas for syreorse from day to day I descended step by step to the lowest depths of wretchedness and degradation Often -place was the pave to so most of them to the rum-sellers, until I was unfit to be seen, so few and dirty and ragged were the garments which I could still call iven away, and pawned over fifty suits of clothes Within the three years just past I have had six overcoats that went the way of my reputation and peace of , but not until it was out ofa drop of liquor--not untilelse that a true al who had ith swine, I returned to my father's house--the home of my childhood, around which lay the scenes which were imprinted on my mind with ineffaceable colors But I had destroyed the sense which should haveto me I have no doubt that nature is beautiful--that there are fine souls to whoes they learn wisdo charms But I, alas, aht have been benefited by my stay at home, had it been difficult for me to find that which my appetite still craved; but it was not so Falh and Lewisville were still within easy reach, and not only at these, but at ot it The curse was on me My condition became such that it was unsafe to send me from home on any business I can recall tion and went on a spree, forgetting all about them, for weeks I had left home firm in the resolve to not touch a drop of liquor under any circuhly did I believe that I would not, that I would have staked ht of a saloon, or of some person ho, would rouse hts of sobriety and wanted to get drunk

I always allowed et on a moderate drunk this time, and then quit forever But the first drink was sure to be followed by a hundred or a thousand more

Once while in a state of beastly intoxication at Rushville, on, and for teeks I scarcely stirred outside of the house But the house which should have been a paradise to me was made a prison by reason ofsaloons and associating with men as reckless as myself I became morose, nervous, and uneasy I took a horseback ride oneand would not admit to myself that I cared less for the ride than to feel that I could go where I could get liquor I did not want to drink, but like the ain to the flames which eventually consuo where I could laythe horses, one that was unusually wild, which had hitherto thrown every person that ed at all ith a rough curb-bitted bridle, and even then each rein had to be drawn hard If there was any one thing on which I pridedhorses I deter I reat ah Here I disroceries for an hour orreturning to his vomit, I crossed the street and went into a saloon Had the door opened into the verh it if I had been sure of getting a drink, so sudden and uncontrollable was the appetite awakened Only a few ious soleoods store there that I had quit drinking forever To test me, I suppose, one of them had said to me that he had some excellent old whisky, and wantedI carried it to my mouth, and took a s It was a villainous cos of various kinds, which he sold in quart bottles under the name of some sort of bitters which arranted to cure every disease: and I will add that I believe to this day that they would do what he said they would, for I do not think any hu, bird, or beast, unless there is another Quilp living, could drink two bottles of it in that number of days and not be beyond the need of further attention than that required to prepare hi and the taste of the poison slop which it contained that aroused my appetite and scattered my resolves to the teard to consequences, and without caring whether the horse I rode was as jaded and tame as Don Quixote's ill-favored but faeable as the steed to which the ill-starred Mazeppa was lashed I did not stop to consider that a clear head and steady hand were necessary to guide that horse and protect ain one away and left the horse to care for itself, but I remembered the character of the horse, and with a drunken ned getting only so drunk, and then I would show the folks what a youngthe saloon I returned to the jug, which contained the mixture described, and which would have called up apparitions on the blasted heath that would have not only startled the ahtened the witches themselves out of their senses

I took one full drink--what is called in the vernacular of the bar roo with the saloon slop, ot a quart of as raw and mean whisky in the saloon as was ever sold for the suave for it--fifty cents It was about nine o'clock at night when I bethoughtI untied the beast with soot on the block, and, after putting my foot securely in the stirrup, fell into the saddle, I was too drunk to think further, and so permitted the horse to take whatever course suited it best It took the road toward home, but not as quietly as a butterfly would have started He fleith furious speed, onward through the night, bearing me as if I had only been a feather I did not, for I could not, attempt to control him It was a race with death, and the chances were in death's favor long before we reached the hoht have ridden safely hoht one, but it was not, and, ona short turn, I was thrown from the saddle, but my feet were securely fastened in the stirrups, and so I was dragged onward by the animal, which did not pause in its mad career, but rather sped forward ed thus over a quarter of a mile, and would undoubtedly have been killed had not one and then the other stirrup broken I lay with , wholly unconscious and dead, I presume, to all appearances It was quite a while after I came to my senses before I could realize what had happened, who, and what, and where I was, and thendefinitely I crawled to a house which was near by, fortunately, and reerously, injured The skin was torn froers were disjointed I was bruised all over, and cut slightly in several places How I escaped death is a miracle, but escape it I did The horse went on ho, with the stirrup leathers dangling from the saddle When the family saw the horse they at once were of the opinion that I had been killed, andto findthat they would discover the horse and be frightened about one far when Iin the road, he burst into tears I did not dare look as he rode up to , and he rode slowly past me I could hear his sobs, but was too much overcome with shame to speak I walked on toward home as fast as I could, and my heart-broken but happy father followed slowly in ht of the house ht you were killed this time--I was sure you were killed It is so dreadful to think of!” etc

She was crying and laughing in a breath My feelings were such as words can not describe I wanted the earth to open and s me up I suffered a thousand deaths This is only one of a hundred si in its consequences than the last

At times, as the waters of the awful sea called the Past dash over asp for breath, and shudder and tremble in my terror My spree on this occasion was not yet over;my almost miraculous escape from a drunken death, I watched ain h

But iven orders at the saloon and elsewhere that I should not be allowed more liquor I was deterating every other, I went on to Lewisville, where I reht

Finally one ofof my whereabouts, came after me and took me home I was so coan to die out that I had to go to bed, and there I remained for so is intense and great; but it is little in comparison with the tortures of the enerally been out ofsober I have tossed for hours and nights upon a bed of re in my heart and brain Often have I prayed for death, and as often, when I thought the final hour had come, have I shrunk back from the mysterious shadohich flesh has no more motion Often have I felt that I would lose my reason forever, but after a period of madness, nature would be merciful and restore htly overthat I would screaroan sound inmaniacal wail Often have I conten power held back ates of death by an attempt to take my own life, but, heaven be forever praised! I did not succeed, for the knife refused to cut as deep as I would have had it I thought I would be justifiable in throwing off by any hed doith Who would not escape froht, would hide every error, blot out every pang, and shi+eld from every storm, why not seek it?

They have in certain lands of the tropics a ga interest It is this: A scorpion is caught With cruel eagerness the boys and girls of the street assemble and place the reptile on a board, surrounded with a rinited, the torture of the scorpion begins

Maddened by the heat, the detested thing approaches the fiery barrier and attee of escape, but vain the endeavor! It retreats toward the center of the ring, and as the heat increases and it begins to writhe under it, the children cry out with pleasure--a cry in which, I fancy, there is a cadence of the sound which sends a thrill of delight through hell--the sound of exultation which rises froots when the martyr's soul mounts upward froain the scorpion atteain it is turned back by that impassable barrier of fire The shouts of the children deepen At last, finding that there is no way by which to fly, the hated thing retreats to the center of its flas itself to death Then it is that the exultation of the crowd of cruel tormentors is most loudly expressed But do not infer from what I have said that I look with favor on suicide under any circumstances That I do not do, but I would have you look at society and some of its victims

See what barriers of fla, miserable men! Listen to that indifference and condeony! Can you wonder that the outcast abandons hope and plunges the knife into his heart? He is driven tothat all is lost, he co for hiainst hi in paradise Alas for those who triumph over the fall of a fellow creature God have mercy on those who exult over the wretchedness of a victim of alcohol! Woe to those who ridicule his efforts to escape, and who mock hier of self-destruction? What ingredients of poison do they not mix with the fatal drink which deprives hithen the rope hich he hangs himself! Where should the most blame rest, where does it most rest in the eyes of God--with society which drives him forth a depraved and friendless creature? or with hiony of feeling that on the whole face of the earth there is not a face that will look upon you in kindness, nor a heart that will throb with coony is, for in my darkest hours I have looked for pity and strained my ears to catch the tones of a kindly voice in vain But let me hasten to say, lest I be misunderstood, that since I commenced to lecture, I have had the support and active help of thousands of the very best men and women in the land I doubt that there was ever ato escape from terrors worse than those of death who had more aid than has been extended to me Could prayers and tears lift one out of o have stood above all the tribulations of my life I desire to have every man and woman that has bestowed kindness on me, if only a word or look, know that I re to prove that it was not throay Every day there rises before me numberless faces I have met from time to time, each beautiful with the love, sympathy, and pity which elevates the huret to say, that pass before me with dark looks and scowls I know the ues have been quick to condeive as wholly and freely as I hope to be forgiven May God soften their tiger hearts and melt their hyena souls

CHAPTER IX

The ever-recurring spell--Writing in the sand--Hartford City--In the ditch--Extricated--Fairly started--A telegraht--Ride home--Palpitation of the heart--Bluffton--The inevitable--Deliriuain--No friends, money, nor clothes--One hundred e to teach a school--The lobbies of hell--Arrested--Flight to the country--Open school--A failure--Return ho of a terrible experience--Two --Coatless, hatless, and bootless--The ”Blue Goose”--The tremens--Infla on crutches--Drive to Rushville--Another drunk--pawn my clothes--At Indianapolis--A cold bath--The consequence--Teaching school--Satisfaction given--The kindness of Daniel Baker and his wife--A paying practice at law

I was at all times unhappy, and hence I was always restless and discontented I was continually striving for soive me content the ever-recurring spell would seizeept away I wrote in sand, and the incole dash annihilated the characters During one of s I went to Hartford City, Indiana Hartford ”City,” like all other cities In the land, has a full supply of saloons With a view of advertising myself I had my friends announce on the second day after my arrival that I would deliver a political speech This speech was listened to by an immense crowd, and heartily praised by the party whose principles I advocated I was puffed up with the enthusiasm of the people, and repaired with some of the local leaders to a saloon to take a drink in honor of the occasion The drink taken by ht havoc I wanted ot h, too, as I always do On the way hoentleman whom I knew, I fell into a ditch, but was extricated with difficulty, and finally carried to the house of a friend My clothes et and covered with ot up and stole from the house very much as a thief would have sneaked away I was fairly started on another spree, and for three weeks I drank heavily and constantly Sora that my brother was dead The suddenness and terrible nature of the news caused ht when I received the telegra That night seee to me I never closed my eyes in sleep, but lay inIt caot on the train and sat down by a

I was so weak and nervous that I could not hold a cup in my hand But I wanted no htened away all desire for drink I had not ridden far when I was seized with palpitation of the heart The sudden cessation from all sti, and when ular action, the chances were that I could not survive All day I drew ht that each respiration would be the last I raised the carand put outair would strike ot home ood health and proud in his strength I returned to find hirave What I felt and suffered no one knew, nor can ever know Every night for weeks I could see my brother in life, but the cold reality of death caht of day I was stunned and al persons who, incapable of a deep pang of sorrow, said that I did not care Could they have been ony which I endured for weeks they would learn to feel for the e of what sufferings the human heart is capable

My next ed to go into the practice of the law But here at Bluffton, as elsewhere, were the devil's recruiting offices--the saloons--and the first night after I reached the town I got drunk I reot over the debauch, which ee of the delirium tremens more horrible than that already described When I cao home I ithout money; I had no friends in Bluffton, and but few clothes to my back, and it was over one hundred miles to my father's, but I started on foot and walked the whole way I stayed quietly at home a few days, and then went to Howard and Clinton counties on business, which was to make some collections on notes for other parties While in Clinton county I engaged to teach a district school, and in order to begin at the tiet ready I started to return to Clinton county on Friday, so as to be there to open school on the following Monday I got off the train at Indianapolis, and went into one of the numerous lobbies of hell near the depot It was a week froh to realize where I ho I here I had come from, and whither I had started I could hardly believe it possible that I had fallen again, but there was no doubt of the fact I had been arrested and had pawned et money to pay my fine To this day I don't knohy I was arrested, but for being drunk, I suppose I fled from the city, and walked thirty h money of a friend to redeemI was one week behind, the trustees were still expecting , one week later than the time appointed at first, I opened school But I was so worn out and confused in my faculties that at noon I was forced to dise in the neighborhood and there I gotI left for home Such a condition of affairs was lamentable and damnable, but I was powerless to make it better I have often wondered what the people of that neighborhood thought when they found that I had taken a cargo of whisky and disappeared asidea shot forth at all during that season a the children of that district it was directed by other hands than mine I never sent in a bill for the sixty-two and a half cents due ood people of Clinton will consent to call the matter even, I will here and now relinquish every possible claiht, or title to the aforesaid aotten the school which was not taught, and the pedagogue who did not teach I arrived at home in course of ti until my restless disposition drove me forth in search of some new adventure, and now comes the brief and imperfect recital of the most terrible experiences of an to drink, and it was not until the first of Septe this time I went to Cincinnati twice, once to Kentucky, and twice to Lafayette