Part 2 (1/2)

A Certain Citizen in _London_, in the late times had a very fine Woman to his Wife; and had but her Vertue been equal to her Wit and Beauty, she might have deserved the first rank among Women: But l.u.s.t had so great an Ascendant in her, that her Husband was unable to Satisfie her over strong desires to the Delights of _Venus_: And therefore having Communicated her Thoughts to an Old Bawd that kept a House of Private Entertainment for the Accommodation of Persons of Quality of both s.e.xes, she told her that for a Guinea in hand to her, and two Guinea's for the drawing of her Picture, she might be enter'd into her Accedamy; whereby (says the Bawd) you may both receive the Satisfaction you want, and gain Money likewise; for the first Charge is all you will be put to, which will be but three Guinea's, and Ten s.h.i.+llings to the Attendants, who by the Services they will do you, will very well deserve it: Then she enquir'd of the Bawd what the Custom of the House were, and how she must manage herself in that Affair? And then she cou'd the better tell her whether she cou'd order Matters so as to comport therewith.

To this, the Bawd return'd this Answer:

_I have as genteel a House as most in _London_, with several Chambers very well furnish'd for accomodation of Gentlemen and Ladies: and a Looking-gla.s.s in each Chamber so conveniently plac'd, that those who have a mind to't, may see what they do: For some take as much delight in seeing as in doing: My House goes under the Notion of being Let out in Lodgings, and every Gentlewoman than is enter'd, has her Picture drawn, which hangs up in the Dining Room; where when Gentlemen come, they chuse which Person they please by the Picture; and for a Guinea paid to me, they are admitted to her, with whom they make what Bargain they can agree upon. And by this means we are sure that none but Persons of Quality can be admitted: and the Ladies Honours are thereby secur'd._

But for ought I perceive (said the Citizen's Wife) here is constant Attendance requir'd, to be in the way; or else how shall a Gentleman do, that chooses the Picture of a Person that en't there? As to that replied the Bawd, the more any Gentlewoman is there, so much the better 'tis; and so much the more Money they get; but those that can't attend always, have their certain hours; and if a Gentleman has a Fancy to such a one, when he knows her hour, he will come accordingly.--Now you your self can best judge what hour will be fittest for you--That I am at a Loss how to resolve, says she.--Tell me how you spend your time, all Day, says the Bawd and then I'll tell you what you shall do--Why, says she, many times I rise at five a Clock in the Morning, and having got my self drest by Six a Clock, I go to the Lecture at St. _Antholines_, which is done a little before Eight, and then I return home; and at Ten--Hold, says the Bawd, you need say no more; There's nothing in the World blinds a Man like a pretence of Devotion; and therefore if you can get out at Six a Clock to go to the Lecture, 'tis the only time you can take; and by that time the Lecture's done, you may be at home again: Nor need you stand much upon Dressing; for if you come in a Loose Morning-Gown, you're the fitter for Business. She lik'd the Bawd's contrivance very well, and accordingly paid her Entrance Money, and Deposited two Guinea's for the Drawing of her Picture. And in the mean time went constantly to the Lecture every Morning: Which her Husband was very well pleas'd at. But her being of late more constant at the Lecture than she us'd to be, caus'd some suspicion in her Husband, who rising one morning (which happened to be the Day before her Picture was ready,) he follow'd her unseen, to know whither she went to the Lecture or no; and she going directly thither, and staying there all the time; her Husband had a mighty Opinion of the Devotion and Piety of his Spouse: And began to blame himself for having entertain'd an ill thought of her.

All things being now ready at the Old Bawds, and her Picture done to the Life, so great was her Beauty, that she wanted no Customers, each Person that came generally made Choice of her to do the Trick with; Whereby she not only satisfied her l.u.s.tful Desires, but was supplied with Money likewise, without robing of her Husband of his Coin, tho' she wrong'd him more nearly another way: Which he not knowing, nor believing, thought himself as happy in her, as any Man in _London_ was in a Wife: So true is that Proverb, Than _What the Eye sees not, the Heart rues not_.

But there were other Citizens Wives that were as full of Leachery as this, tho' not so handsome: And they found Trading very sensibly Decay, since this Fair Sinner was enter'd into the Colledge. And she by her Beauty having Monopoliz'd the Topping Customers to herself, was look'd upon with an Envious Eye by all the rest, Who consulting together, found it was absolutely necessary to give her a remove, but how to do it, was the Question: At last one of 'em told the rest it shou'd be her Province; and she wou'd do it effectually, so she as shou'd never know who hurt her: Upon which, without asking her the means, they left the matter intirely to her.

The Jilt, to whom the Business was left was very Witty, but had but just Beauty enough to keep her from being Ugly, and consequently one that suffer'd most by this new _Interloper_; which rendered her so Malicious, that she had rather the whole House shou'd be blown up, than that Upstart shoul'd run away with all the Trading: And therefore she Writes the following Letter to her Husband.

To Mr. _R----d S----n_, _These:_

SIR,

_Tho' I never was ambitious of the Honnour of being an Informer, yet the Sense I have of the Wrongs you suffer from a Wife that abuses your good Nature, and under a Pretence of Devotion prost.i.tutes her Chast.i.ty, to every libidinous Stallion, thereby breaking her Marriage Vow, and Dishonouring the Marriage-Bed; has prevail'd with me to let you know so much. And tho'

an Information of this kind may perhaps hardly be believed; Yet if you will but give your self the Trouble of following her _Incognito_ any Morning, you may easily satisfy your self, whether the Account I have given you be true or no: And the better to enable you to detect her in her Lewd Practices, when you have seen her Hous'd a little while, you may go in after her; altho' without a Particular Recommendation, you will hardly be admitted; and therefore if you please to ask for the Gentlewoman of the House, and tell her you was directed thither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room, she will straight let you see 'em; and after that, you may proceed as you please; and can no longer doubt of the Truth of what I say, if you will but believe your own Eyes. And if you find it so, I am sure you will be satisfied that I have performed the Office of,_

Your unknown Friend,

_A.B._

This Letter she sent by a special Messenger, with order to deliver it only into his own hand, which was done accordingly. But, when he had read it, he was so extreamly surpriz'd at such an unexpected piece of Intelligence, that he new not what to think of it: Sometimes he was of opinion that it was only an Artifice of some that envy'd his Happiness in so Vertuous a Wife, to sow Dissention between 'em; but when he was reffer'd to so easie a Trial, he cou'd not but think there was something more in it then so: Upon which he resolv'd to suspend his Judgment till he had made a farther Trial.

And therefore that afternoon, pretends to have Receive'd a Letter obliging him to meet a Gentleman the next Morning between Four and Five a Clock at _Westminster_ to treat with him about a parcel of Goods which he was to go and see, and should not be back again till nine a Clock. And in the mean time get's him a very Beauish Suit, Wig, and Hat, and plants 'em at a Friends House; ready to put on in the Morning when he came thither. The next Morning rises very early, pursuant to his Design; and having gone to his Friends House, and accouter'd himself in his new Habilments, which had so disguis'd him, that even his Friend had much ado to perswade himself 'twas the same Man. In this Garb, about six a Clock, he calls for a Gla.s.s of Purl at an Ale-House, within sight of his own Door, waiting till his Wife came out; who as soon as he had seen past by, he pays for his Gla.s.s of Purl, and follows her: And she going towards St. _Antholin's_ Church, he began to think she had been abus'd, and he impos'd upon; but he was quickly convinc'd to the contrary, when he saw her go by the Church, and cross over the way to the Back-side of St. _Thomas Apostles_, and there go into a House: After she was gone in, he staid about half a quater of an hour, and then according to the Directions of his Letter, he went in himself, and ask'd far the Gentlewoman of the House; at which the Old Bawd appearing, Are you the Gentlewoman of the House, Madam, said he? Yes, Sir, says she, for want of a better I am: Pray what wou'd you have with me? Why, Madam, says he, I want a certain sort of a Fleshly Convenience, and I am inform'd you can help me to one. At which the Bawd look'd a little strangely upon him; I help you to one, Sir, said she? I hope, you don't take me for a Bawd; if you do, I a.s.sure you, you are come to the wrong House; And I'd have ye to know, Sir, I'm another sort of Person. Madam, replyed he, if I have offended you, I beg your Pardon; but I was directed hither by _Tom Stanhop_, to take a Survey of the Ladies in the Dining-Room. As soon as the Bawd heard him say so, she began to look more pleasingly upon him, and desir'd him to walk up Stairs, and according to his desire had him into the Dining-Room, where he soon espyed his Wives Picture, drawn to the Life. And making Choice of that, Pray, Madam, says he, what must I give you for the Enjoyment of this Lady? for she pleases my Eye better than any of the rest?

Why truly, Sir, (says she) I have a Guinea for any of 'em; but there's another Gentleman has promis'd to Visit that Lady this Morning, and I wonder he isn't come yet; but because I expect him every Minute, I cann't recommend any one to her this Morning. Is he with her now, says he? No, Sir, says she, but I don't know how soon he may be: Nay, Madam, said he, you ought to observe the same Rule here, as in a Barber's-Shop, _First come, first serv'd_: Come here's a Guinea and a half for you: This wrought so effectually upon the Bawd, that he was immediately conducted to the Chamber where his Wife was. And Counterfeiting his Voice as much as he cou'd, Madam, says he, Invited by your Shadow, which I saw below, I am now come to be made happy with the Enjoyment of the Substance. To which she answer'd (not knowing 'twas her Husband,) Sir, you are very welcome to all the Pleasure I can give you:--What must the Purchase be of so much happiness, reply'd he to her? To which, she straight return'd, I am no Mercenary Person, Sir; nor do I make a Bargain with any one before-hand; but take what Gentlemen are freely pleas'd to give me; to whose Generosity I always leave it: But what you do, do quickly Sir, (continued she) for I am limited to such an hour. Upon which invitation, the Disguis'd Beau fell to, _sans_ further Ceremony, And whilst they were a Dancing and Acting the delights of _Venus_, the Bells of St. _Antholins_ Rung very sweetly, which made her say, whilst she was thus incountring her suppos'd Gallant, _O how sweetiy St. _Antholin_'s Bells Ring_! Which she Repeated over as oft as they renew'd their Pleasures.--As soon as they had finish'd their Encounter, her Husband that he might appear like what he Personated, seem'd well Satisfied and made her a Present of a Guinea; and so withdrew without Discovery. And she, a short time after, St. _Ant'lin_'s Lecture being done, according to her Custom return'd home, as if she'd only been at her Devotions.

When her Husband had unrigg'd, and put himself into his proper Habit, he return'd home according to the hour he had appointed, and took no Notice of what had pa.s.s'd between 'em. But when at Night they went to Bed, he had a mind to try whether he cou'd with the same briskness manage things at home as he had done abroad: But finding it on both sides much more Dull, he told her St. _Ant'lin_'s Bells didn't Ring half so sweetly then as as they did i'th' Morning: But however, says he, as long as here it is much cheaper, I like it full as well: His Wife was so confounded at the Words, she knew not what to say at first; nor cou'd she guess how he shou'd know that she had spoke such Words in the Morning: At last she was resolv'd he shou'd explain himself; and therefore ask'd him what he meant by those expressions--Nay, what did you mean by 'em, says he, when you repeated them so often in the Morning? How, says she, in a scornful way, I repeat 'em in the Morning?

Yes, Madam, says he somewhat angrily, 'Twas you repeated 'em in the Morning, when I lay with you at the Bawdy-House disguis'd like a Gallant, in such a place, and gave you a Guinea for your Mornings Work. Was it you then, said she, that was with me in the Morning? Yes, Mrs. _Impudence_, says he, that it was. Can you talk of being with you in the Morning, without blus.h.i.+ng? To what purpose is it to blush, reply'd she, very confidently? For if I do, you cann't see it: Nor do I know any reason why you shou'd call me _Impudence_; I am sure I treated you very civilly: and as for my being there, you were there as well as I: And we were both about one Business, and wher's the difference then? Besides, I see 'tis your own Fault; for if you wou'd be but as brisk at home as you are abroad, I should be very well Satisfy'd without going abroad, with your own performances at home. I see you can do better if you will, and if you don't, blame your self and not me, if you are made a Cuckold. The contented Man hearing his Wife's Allegations, Promis'd that he wou'd do better for the time to come; and she on that condition promising him to go no more to St. _Antholin's_ to hear how sweetly the Bells ring, they forgave one another, and were both Freinds.

_Thus Bawds with Wives of Citizens gets in,_ _And then keeps up a Publick House of Sin:_ _And whilst men do maintain their Wives so high_ _Their l.u.s.ts are more than they can satisfie._

CHAP. IX.

_How a Gentleman that fell in Love with another Mans Wife, through the Advice of a Bawd enjoy'd her, and upon what Terms, and what happen'd thereupon._

An Amorous Spark having observed a very fine Woman sitting in a _Goldsmiths_ Shop behind the Counter, was so much taken with her, that nothing wou'd serve him but enjoying her; which yet he was altogether at a Loss how to accomplish, having no manner of Acquaintance either with her or her Husband. In this hopeless condition he goes to a Bawd, who had several times a.s.sisted him in his Love Intreagues, and tells her at what a non-plus he was how to accomplish his Design: The Bawd at first persuades him off of her, and promises to help him to one that shall not only equal but surpa.s.s her: But all that was in vain, for nothing wou'd Satify but, only this very Person. Well, says this Mistress in the Mystery of Iniquity, I'll tell you how you shall obtain your Purpose, if you are resolv'd to pursue it: Do but that, says he, and you'll oblige me for ever,--Well then, says she, you must take an opportunity to go into the Shop when she's there, and buy some little Trifle or other of her, or her Husband, and repeat this so often, buying sometimes one thing, and sometimes another, till by degrees you have brought your self acquainted with her and her Husband, and in so doing, you cann't miss of an opportunity to sound her Inclinations: If Pleasure has the Ascendant over her, you'll gain your Point the sooner; but if money be the Idol she adores, you must attack her with Gifts, and making Presents to her, and you cannot fail of Prevailing: The Gentleman lik'd her counsel very well, and was resolv'd to take it: And accordingly took an opportunity to buy a Silver _Snush-Box_; and having before bought some fine French Walnuts, he presented his Mistress with some, and by cracking of them, had an opportunity to tarry longer in the Shop, and gaze more on that Beauty which had already overcome him. In two or three days after, he comes again and buys half a dozen Silver Spoons and Forks, and then brought some peaches to his Mistress and presents her with them; and a Week after buys some other odd things; and still brought something or other which he presented to his Mistress; who always look'd upon it as the Effect of his good-nature, and Affable Temper, and had no apprehension of his being her humble Servant. After he had drove this Trade of being a constant Customer to the Shop for several Weeks together, and had made no farther progress of his Amours save to be look'd on as a Friend and Acquaintance, and once or twice invited to Dinner; at one of which times her Husband was call'd down into the Shop, to a Customer; in which Interim, he took an opportunity to acquaint her somewhat darkly with his Pa.s.sion, which she either did not, or wou'd not understand; So that he begun almost to Despair, and complain'd to the Bawd how much charge he had been at, and what little likelihood there was of attaining his end.

The Bawd told him he had no reason yet to complain; for having got an Acquaintance there, and once discovered his Pa.s.sion, he had brought things to a pretty good forwardness: My advice therefore now is, said she, that you let her absolutely know your Mind, and solicite her for the last Favour; and let me know your success, and then I'll tell you how you shall proceed.

He once more takes her Counsel, and going to cheapen some _Knick knacks_ there, he finds her all alone; and having bought something of her, letting it lie upon the Counter, Madam, says he, I have made many Errands. .h.i.ther, but 'tis for your sake; for you are my chief Business, and your incomparable and Peerless Beauty, has made that Impression in my heart as will put a sudden Period to my Life unless your Compa.s.sion will grant me a Reprieve: for nothing can retrieve it, but the Enjoyment of your Love, and Beauty.--I can't believe, Sir, says she, that that poor Stock of Beauty I am Owner of, can ever produce any such fatal Effects as those you speak of.

But 'tis the common Theam that you are pleas'd to entertain our s.e.x withal, tho there be nothing in it. However, 'tis methinks a great Peice of Folly to love at that rate, where you can have no hopes of Enjoyment: for I am otherways dispos'd of: And there are young Ladies enough that are single, that are more worthy of you. I question not Madam, _replyed he_, but I might have choice of Mistresses: But, 'tis you only that have wounded me, and therefore 'tis you alone that can effect my Care.--What wou'd you have me do to cure you, Sir, said she? Do, Madam, said he! Grant me the Enjoyment of your Love, for that alone can give me Ease. Why, said she, wou'd you have me wrong my Husband's Bed? Shou'd I do so, how do you think he'd take it? E'en bad enough, I do believe, said he; if you shou'd let him know it; but sure there's no necessity of that. And if you keep your Counsel, I shall take nothing from him he can miss.--Hold, Sir, says she, you talk as if we were already both agreed; but you shall find there will be two Words to the making of that Bargain. Besides you dont--But here's my Husband coming, says the Jilt--Indeed Sir; I have sold you a Pen'worth in it: I'll be Judg'd by my Husband. (Her Husband coming then into the Shop) the Gentleman perceiving how cunningly she turn'd off her Discourse, told her he did believe she had'nt wrong'd him much, and he was satisfied. And then shewing her Husband what he had bought, and what he paid for it, he told him his Wife had us'd him very well: And so he took his leave of 'em; and went to his old Crone the Bawd, and told her what had past. You may depend upon it, says the Bawd, that sh'll comply; but you must Fee her pretty high, or it won't do. This made him Shrug; for tho he had a great mind to enjoy her, he was not willing to be at too much charge Which the Old Bawd perceiving, told him he cou'd not hope to carry her under a Present of at least Fifty Guinea's; but yet, says she, if you will give me but Five, I'll warrant you shall gain your Point without being at any Charge at all: Make but that out, says he, and I'll promise you the five Guinea's as soon as e'er I have enjoy'd her: No, Sir, says the Bawd, I'll have my Money in hand; for you know, we never trust. Well, says he, here's your Money, and giving it into her hand, Now let me know your Method. Upon which the Bawd thus began.

Before I proceed, pray tell me the Price of that Diamond Ring you wear upon your Finger: Why what wou'd you do with that, replies the Beau; I woud'nt part with my Ring for an hundred Guineas, for it cost me above Four-score, and I had a great Peniworth in it; and if you'd have me to give her that, this is all Trick and Cheat; and I am only Funn'd out of five Guineas for nothing. Why so hasty, says the Bawd? I design no such matter; but you won't hear me out. Go to the Goldsmith, and tell him you are disappointed of a Bill that you expected out of the Country, and that you have a Present occasion for fifty Guineas, which you must desire him to let you have, and you'll leave him that Ring as a pledge in the mean time; and that as soon as your Bill comes to Town, which you expect every day, you'll pay him again. This is a kindness he won't deny you, because he runs no hazzard in it, and thereby he obliges a Customer. When you have got these fifty Guineas, take the first opportunity to discourse your Mistress; if you find she'll do't for Love, your Money's sav'd, and you have nothing else to do but enjoy her: But if the Jade be mercenary, as I dare say she is, you must tempt her with Gold; and that you may be sure to make her bite, give her the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of her Husband.--A Pox take ye, for an Old b.i.t.c.h, says he, in a kind of Pa.s.sion; is this the way to bring me off for nothing?--You are too hasty still, replyes the Bawd; let me have done first, and then talk your Pleasure: Do, as I say; give her the fifty Guineas; and when you have enjoy'd her stay with her, either in the Chamber, or the Shop, until her Husband does come in: And when you see him, tell him you have receiv'd the Bill that you expected, and have brought the fifty Guineas that you borrow'd of him, and paid it to his Wife; and so desire him to let you have your Ring again. His Wife (to save her Honour) can do no less than own she has receiv'd the Money; and so her Husband must restore your Ring. And then do you be judge whether or no you don't come off for nothing. Well, thee'rt a dear sweet Rogue for this Contrivance, says he, and I could almost kiss thee, but that thy Mouth's so strongly guarded by thy Nose and Chin, that there's no coming at it: I like thy Plot extreamly well; and I'll go presently and put it in Execution.

Away goes the Fop, as well pleas'd to think he shou'd put a Trick on his Mistress as he shou'd enioy her, which for the Lucre of the Fifty Guinea's he no longer question'd. And coming to the Goldsmith's Shop, he pulls his Ring off of his Finger, and asks him what he'll give him for't: The Goldsmith having look'd upon it, told him he'd give him Seventy Guineas for it. It cost me more than Eighty, says the Beau, but I won't part with it; only because I'm short of Money, being disappointed of a Bill that I expected to receive, I must desire the kindness of you to let me have fifty Guineas on it till I receive my Bill, which will be in a Fortnight or three Weeks time at farthest; and I'll allow you what you shall think reasonable for it. The Goldsmith very readily gives him the fifty Guineas be desir'd, and takes his Ring as a Security. And so taking his leave, goes home very well satisfied; he had proceeded thus far prosperously.